[HeartTattoo]

.. we know logically that she is nothing.  I just want to hear it again and again and again.   

I have a great counselor; he told me I was the healthiest person he's ever had in his office  .  I got to the point I only went to process some anxiety provoking interaction with H, but I was almost willing to pay his very hefty fee just to continue hearing him tell me that H's "new R" will "fly to pieces", "the odds are like winning the lottery, this thing can make it" & many other variations.

I try to process with my GF's now & keep telling myself that H's "new R" is headed to hell in a handbasket.  Can't get there fast enough for me.

[nah]

I was almost willing to pay his very hefty fee just to continue hearing him tell me that H's "new R" will "fly to pieces", "the odds are like winning the lottery, this thing can make it" & many other variations.

I try to process with my GF's now & keep telling myself that H's "new R" is headed to hell in a handbasket.  Can't get there fast enough for me.

HT-- we are close to the same timeline, you are about 3 months longer than me.  The first six months EVERYBODY said over and over that their relationship won't last.  Now??... Nope very very few agree he will come back.  Even my friend who left her family and came back two years later, pretty much just yesterday implied that I should just give it up.  This is the only place that I still vent, and share the fact that I believe at some point he will try to come back.  This is the only place where people will agree with me.  Why is that?

[UnconditionalLove]

This place is a great place to get encouragement and I think people just want to be an encouragement to everyone. But, also, everyone here gets what's going on in a MLCer's mind and I think that is why everyone understand you here and not outside of this place.  Your H or my H may not come back to us but we have nothing to lose in understand what they are going through and holding out in hopes they will work through their MLC.  At some point I'm hoping that my H will understand I wasn't all his brain was telling him I was during this time.

[Medusa]

HT-- we are close to the same timeline, you are about 3 months longer than me.  The first six months EVERYBODY said over and over that their relationship won't last.  Now??... Nope very very few agree he will come back.  Even my friend who left her family and came back two years later, pretty much just yesterday implied that I should just give it up.  This is the only place that I still vent, and share the fact that I believe at some point he will try to come back.  This is the only place where people will agree with me.  Why is that?

Most people don't understand MLC. They see our spouses having a "typical" affair that runs its course much quicker. So after a couple of years, they think anyone who believes a wayward spouse may try to come back is delusional.

I'm like you in that this is the only place I discuss MLC anymore. I don't know if mine will try to come back, and if he does, I don't think I will take him, anyway. For me its no longer about him coming back. It's about me rebuilding myself, and only those who have been through this devastation and insanity that MLC brings into our life can understand.

  At some point I'm hoping that my H will understand I wasn't all his brain was telling him I was during this time.

UL, he may know it on some level. I think we all need to remember that there are two personalities within the MLCer: the Monster and the Prisoner. Prisoner knows what he's doing is wrong, but Monster is stronger and takes over. That's what makes these situation so confusing and difficult. Heck, mine told me after BD that I wasn't really all that bad...and then a few days later gave me his pathetic excuses for having an affair (I walk like my dad and look like my sister and he just can't stand it). He blames me for many things, some of which I actually deserve, but I learned last night from D22 that he's never said anything negative about me to her. That says a lot to me since I do think mine may be starting to look at himself and take responsibility for what he's done to his life.

[Fleming28]

My counselor has told me the same thing about the relationship with OW but I'm starting to doubt it.  With H pursuing a divorce I just feel like a fool for holding out hope for a reconciliation.  It hurts so much to know he is moving on with her and will be a playing house with her kids when our 2 babies died and I gave up the chance to have children of our own.  How can he disregard everything we had and all I was willing to do for him because I believed in us.  I have been ripped open by this man and I still love him.  Who's the one in crisis?

[Howmanytimes]

My H OW was in a six year affair before I found out.  He left me last year doe a month to be with her then came home.  She kept ringing him and texting and it started again.  When I found out he left me about a month later for her. 

He has been gone two weeks and she made the appt for the Lawyers a few days after he moved in.  She pulls his strings,

He said today if I had never found out about the affair he would. Ever have left me for her.

She's been divorced twice and is older than him by six years and thinks only of herself.  He told me she is selfish and doesn't look after him like I do but he is hooked on her.

I pray she shows her true colours and he realises he is throwing away a M of 33 years.

[twiceburnt]

I pray she shows her true colours and he realises he is throwing away a M of 33 years.

She will eventually.  In fact she sounds like she already is, but as long as he hasn't "lost" you, he won't see it.  And he might not until you are divorced unfortunately.  Then he gets to deal with her all on his own, and it will be ugly.

In my first bout of this, I absolutely, positively knew she'd be back one day.  I didn't expect it so soon (2.5 years), but I just knew it.  And I was right.  Now, I'm not so sure, but then again, I'm not sure I would want her back again.  I was able to get over it the first time by thinking it was a crisis and she wasn't herself.  Now, I'm starting to wonder if this is her self, and I'd have to walk on egg shells the rest of my life to keep from MLC triggering again.  But, like many have said, she didn't finish her crisis the first time, so who knows. 

[Howmanytimes]

Hi Twiceburnt

I think that even if he came home she would always be there ringing him up and the affair and deceit would start again.

I think they get off on all the deceit and their grubby little plans. I wonder if now that it's in the open and he has moved in if some of the excitement will abate. 

I worry though that the divorce will go through and although my H has said he will not want to marry for about a year if she will not have him dragged up that Aisle far quicker.  I think then he would find out what she is really like.

He has been used to only ever being taken care of by a Woman.  First his Mothwr did absolutely everything for him including crawling under the bed to retrieve his socks and then me.  He works incredibly hard and has been a very good provider but in the home he is totally lazy.  He would rise from the dinner table and just leave his plate behind.

This OW doesn't do much for him apart from Cook,his dinner. Meh has to help her with chores and he says oh it is because she works but she only works part-time.  He said she cannot get any more hours,  so how come when I used to,work before I had my health issues he never expected to help me round the home. 

I think one day he will look at her and think I gave up my wife of 33 years for this and will regret it.

Also I,wonder how long it will be until he starts being messy and lazy round her home and then the arguments will start.  Although she is one devious old witch and will wait until the ring is on her finger first though.  It makes me sick how she has schemed and connived to steal my H and ruin my life.  She's evil.

[MeNow]

I was almost willing to pay his very hefty fee just to continue hearing him tell me that H's "new R" will "fly to pieces", "the odds are like winning the lottery, this thing can make it" & many other variations.

I try to process with my GF's now & keep telling myself that H's "new R" is headed to hell in a handbasket.  Can't get there fast enough for me.

HT-- we are close to the same timeline, you are about 3 months longer than me.  The first six months EVERYBODY said over and over that their relationship won't last.  Now??... Nope very very few agree he will come back.  Even my friend who left her family and came back two years later, pretty much just yesterday implied that I should just give it up.  This is the only place that I still vent, and share the fact that I believe at some point he will try to come back.  This is the only place where people will agree with me.  Why is that?

Because most people don't wait long enough before moving on.

[twiceburnt]

I think that even if he came home she would always be there ringing him up and the affair and deceit would start again.

Well, in that case, he wouldn't be out of his crisis yet (not that mine was either, but she was completely over OM at that point).  When I took my W back the first time, OM1 tried to text her here and there.  She let me know every time and showed me his texts, and her responses.  She blocked his number through our cell phone provider also.  She pretty much despised him at that point though. 

He will eventually get tired of her and he better hope and pray you haven't moved on by that point.