[HopeFaithLove]

I see a lot of people describing their H's as wallowers or clingers etc. Is there an article here that discusses this? I had thought I had read all of RCR's stuff but maybe I missed that somehow? Could someone please direct me to where I might find this information. I don't know if it will help me in any way, but I would like to know what I am dealing with, It is definitely not a clinger.

[RainbowGal]

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_contact-types.html

[hopeful1]

I am still going between the first four
I just can't get to acceptance 1 year on

[hawk]

Ahh, don't be too hard on yourself Hopeful. You can't force it it just happens when it happens . It's a huge thing and 1 yr isn't very long in this l'm afraid.
l'm well over 2 and have only just recently started to feel some kind of acceptance yet still back slide all the time.
Be good to yourself your doing just fine. Pat yourself on the back in fact 

[Strongwind]

I'm enjoying reading everyone's posts....I'm just attaching. Only one comment: I first thought MLC lasted from 2 to 7 years. How did it become 5? I guess most LBS found that 2 years was hardly ever enough replay anymore? 

I'm at the ANGER-SADNESS stage. They come together in MLC hell.

SW

[OldPilot]

Only one comment: I first thought MLC lasted from 2 to 7 years. How did it become 5? I guess most LBS found that 2 years was hardly ever enough replay anymore? 

I guess because some of us that have been here since the beginning have seen some shorter ones that last two to 7 and now that we are at  6  or 7 years and no end is in sight,
maybe the estimates should be revised.

Oh and as an aside my ex left REPLAY 5 1/2 years ago but still is in escape and avoid mode,
The crazy antics only lasted about 6 months.
Escape and avoid seems to be a more of a lifetime event.

[Searching4Answers]

Oh and as an aside my ex left REPLAY 5 1/2 years ago but still is in escape and avoid mode,
The crazy antics only lasted about 6 months.
Escape and avoid seems to be a more of a lifetime event.

OP, I thought that escape and avoid were part of replay - please elaborate on the differences.

Thanks!

[OldPilot]

Oh and as an aside my ex left REPLAY 5 1/2 years ago but still is in escape and avoid mode,
The crazy antics only lasted about 6 months.
Escape and avoid seems to be a more of a lifetime event.

OP, I thought that escape and avoid were part of replay - please elaborate on the differences.

Well there is this behavior

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_separation_replay.html

Traditionally the night or a few nights before his wedding, a man has a Bachelor Party which often involves naked women and copious amounts of alcohol.

For me that all subsided after 6 months.

followed by deep depression and escape and avoid.
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_separation_escape-and-avoid.html
I guess it is the distinction between a low energy wallower/vanisher, and a high energy replayer.

Maybe it is the difference between masked and un-masked depression, or covert depression and overt depression.
I guess I would classify the high energy stage of REPLAY to be inside the ESCAPE and Avoid that RCR describes.

Not sure if that explains it or not.

[Songanddance]

To me Replay is the MLCer looking for the lost "something" to see if they are still capable of doing whatever the lost "something" is.
Escape and avoid is ever present denial until the awakening and genuine desire to reconcile. Escape and avoid is probably still there in reconnection.

My H has always been interested in projects. Yet after his 50th, I can pinpoint how the escape and avoid projects started (moving to a house that still needs work, another plane, first boat,)  and then escalated into replay (second boat, desire to sail across the Atlantic single handed and OW) leading to BD 2 years ago.
He is still in replay as there is now a motorbike and a project car but OW not so much on the horizon. So he may be shifting out of replay but is still very much in escape and avoid and I guess has been for the last 7 years.

[Searching4Answers]

That makes sense SnD

Thanks for clarifying.