[toomanytearss]

What PJ said makes a lot of sense to me. 2 days after bd I started a new job. I was in survival mode. I then got promoted and after a bit I went into a kind of I got this mode. Fake it till I make it sort of thing. Then I pushed for even more gains in the job market and let's just say I made some unwise decisions in the pursuit of financial independence. I've been out of work for a couple of months now.

Maybe I nedced this time for self reflection. I didn't do a lot of it before. I just wanted to work myself until I was tired and then sleep. These last couple of months have been hard on me emotionally. I got so bored and sad I had to look at everything. Reflect on it all. My marriage, the 2 years of h's shenanigans, myself. I don't think I could look at it all this clearly before now. I guess it wasn't time for me.

I don't think I've probably accepted all this the right way. I kind of just don't care where h is in all this. That's not really acceptance but it's ok with me. What I have accepted is that I don't like h anymore and I don't want to be with him anymore. This is who he is now and how I feel about him now. I accept that.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. So I accept this on a day to day basis. Who knows maybe somewhere down the road h will turn into some wonderful human being. LOL. Ok. It's h. That's not gonna happen. But one day at a time works for me. Wake up. H is still in crisis or whatever. Check. Then I say I don't want any part of that today and get on with my day. Each day I get aottle better. That's cool with me.

[anchor]

Thanks PJ and TMT for your thoughts and advice. I admire you for your strength and self reflection. It's definitely a boost for me to find all of you people here wanting to learn and grow.


I guess  I am currently coming to terms with accepting that I am a stander and that that is ok because that is how I feel. It's in my head and my heart and here where I am it is hard to explain to people as it is not the usual path. People expect me to D and that's about that. I need time and want to take it. So thanks PJ for pointing that out.
I also want to get on with my own life. I don't want to focus on a certain outcome in the future, I want to trust myself to take me on the right path which will lead me to healing and thriving again. Meditation helps me too and where I was doing Zen meditation before (counting from 1 to 10 and again and again) I have now started to use affirmations which are constructive and healing.

"Wake up. H is still in crisis or whatever. Check. Then I say I don't want any part of that today and get on with my day. Each day I get aottle better. That's cool with me."

I like this hands on approach, thanks TMT!


Take care in the meantime

[MIMIx]

TMT,

 When I think of Acceptance, I don't necessarily think it is about agreeing with or accepting that it is okay.  No.  It is accepting that they have made choices and that they are their's alone.  These choices affect me but are not necessarily a reflection of me.  It is accepting that others can move at free will just as I can. 

I have never thought in these terms before now.  I always thought that we made our way in life together as one.  I now understand that this is not true...just a myth.  Everyone has the right to make choices...good or bad.  I'm just making sure that mine are right for me and something that I can be proud of, comfortable with, going forward.

[stayed]

That's exactly how I see ACCEPTANCE MiMix.  I can't fix anybody else but myself.  I could finally accept that and even relish it.  My responsibility was to myself and that was to BECOME the best person, I could possibly be, FOR MY OWNSELF... not my kids, not my parenta, not my husband but 100% for me.  I knew that once I started accepted myself for the person I am and accepting others for the people they are... then my life was going to be just grand!

Love that posting MiMix... just love it!  Well said.

Hugs Stayed

[anchor]

Wise words MiMix, and something for me to work towards. It's like I completely hear and copy what you are saying and it resonates on me, but then in daily practise I find myself doing something else. Weird how that works.

It saddens me too. This LBS stuff seems to unravel the naked truth to me; that we are here all on our own when it comes down to it. That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Yet I wonder, why do human species then long for a spouse? Only some choose to stay by themselves, the majority wants to be with someone else right? Because the loneliness, the sheer and utter loneliness of being just by yourself is just too...well, lonely for us I guess.

So acceptance to me is also accepting that we're here all by ourselves on this planet. We are born alone an die alone. Yes, there might be other people around, but it's something that you need to do by yourself. Same with where I am now. I have the greatest of friends and family, they support me and I can join lunches, dinner, whenever I want. I don't have to be by myself. Yet I am and feel alone, I go to bed alone and wake up alone. I am the one that needs to deal, recover and heal. Accepting that is tough, yet I get glimpses that when I do, I'll be able to cope with anything.

 

[MIMIx]

I don't even want to fix someone else!  I'm finished with that!  I was always the helping type but now it's only when others ask or others are reaching out in need.  That's it!

I think we long for companionship because it's all we know.  We only thin that we need someone to help us limp through life and this is not true.  We have learned this behaviour because it's how our world worked for so long.  I have several friends who have remained single their entire life.  They do not feel lonely.  In fact, they are far more happy than my married friends.  Why?  They do not expect others to take care of them.  They take full responsibility for their own happiness. 

I don't really think that accepting is that we are here all by ourselves.  We are here with others and they make our life complete.  Accepting is taking responsibility for our own path, our own emotions, our own health and happiness.  When we accept responsibility for our own happiness, others notice and want to be near.  No one likes to be with Eeyore! Hehe

The point is, you have to believe in yourself.  You have WORTH.  Show people that you have this!

[31andcounting]

Exactly!  If we don't think we have worth, why would someone else??
31

[stayed]

Oh man, MiMix, I am going to copy and paste this to the mods board.  It is one of the best descriptions of ACCEPTANCE that I have seen yet.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  Absolutely right!


So true 31andcounting... if we don't think we have worth, then WHY SHOULD ANYONE ELSE??

Outstanding post.  A great pre-Christmas/New Year message.  WE HAVE WORTH!! 

Hugs Stayed

[anchor]

Wow MiMix you're a wise woman. It's true what you say, it's so true.
And what immense personal growth we may experience as LBSs, in potential.

[Onward]

Yes! Really appreciate how well you've described acceptance, MIMIX. And I think I have finally, finally maybe gotten there. At least, today. 

TMT,

 When I think of Acceptance, I don't necessarily think it is about agreeing with or accepting that it is okay.  No.  It is accepting that they have made choices and that they are their's alone.  These choices affect me but are not necessarily a reflection of me.  It is accepting that others can move at free will just as I can.