[kikki]

Hi kikki,

Yeah, that contrast is pretty drastic!  Not kidding, I think I have PTSD because of it.  I never quite know how to put it into words, but I feel so much 'trauma' when I think of how it all has played out. 

Absolutely Rosetint - I do think we suffer a form of PTSD, without a doubt.

LOL at the unicorn

I agree with all you said Medusa. We have threads in the archives dedicated to this discussion.  It's a while since it's surfaced.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I liken MLC to MS (which I have).  MS is a difficult disease to dx.

This is what I have read for the reason it is not recognized. There are just too many other things that are often occurring simultaneously that can cause the emotional and physical symptoms, behaviors and hormonal changes observed in MLCers. In my wife's case she lost both parents plus both of my parents, became an empty nester, was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, was diagnosed with multiple food allergies, is perimenopausal, is potentially a candidate for a hysterectomy due to severe gyno problems, and was transferred to a stressful new job. I read on here about other potential issues such as low testosterone and I'm sure all of you can add many other items to the list. So what exactly is attributable to MLC?

I completely understand what you're saying about empirical evidence; however, someone with the appropriate training could gather quite a bit by visiting forums such as this.

It's not unusual for a field to receive no interest until somebody who is affected by it acquires the credentials and begins to study it. Dr. Elaine Aron is the foremost authority on highly sensitive people. She has a PhD in clinical depth psychology and began studying highly sensitive people because she is one. She would actually be a good one to tackle MLC because her and her husband Jack study the psychology of love and close relationships.

Yeah, that contrast is pretty drastic!  Not kidding, I think I have PTSD because of it.  I never quite know how to put it into words, but I feel so much 'trauma' when I think of how it all has played out. 

I've been referred for PTSD treatment due to the trauma related to BD. My therapist didn't believe in either MLC or BD as a trigger for PTSD but she does now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for online groups, but, I would really love to get together w/ people IRL.  I'm feeling as though I NEED more support in my life because of going through this.  Who couldn't do with more friends on a good day, let alone a terrible season?  As it is, I have a very small support circle & know I need more support now.

I went to Alanon tonight and we spent the entire session talking about detaching, at my request. And I have phone numbers for multiple people from my Alanon group that I can call anytime. I just identify my wife as an addict and they all understand. And it's true, the MLCer is an addict who is trying to self-medicate through a variety of addicitve substances, including illicit relationships, alcohol, and drugs. Many of the people who attend Alanon live with active alcoholics and they can tell you all about crazy addictive behavior and they understand emotional pain.

I have at least six friends at the moment who don't even realise their spouses are going through a mlc but to me it's plain to see

My boss is now in his fourth year of getting a divorce. Even though his wife started it she repeatedly turns down reasonable offers that are clearly in her best interest. He says she's just not rational. After I told him about my wife and explained about MLC he's now convinced his wife is also going through an MLC.

The issue is that this "disease" can't be corrected with current medical science. Medical science wants to treat symptoms, because they are the most evident, they have a difficult time in ferreting out the root cause and treating that.

Problem is they change so much that they might diagnose my wife with Narcissistic Personality Disorder but this is not the person she was a year ago. I think the best thing they could do for MLC, plus for society in general, is to quit making it so easy to get a divorce.

2. Family & Friends- MLCers will typically show their best and most sane behavior to family and friends.   Family and Friends may not like what they see.  They may not like the decisions being made by the affected person, but at most I feel that they would say that the affected person is exhibiting some "extreme behavior" with regard to emotions and decisions being made.  But nothing beyond this.   

Eventually they all see through the fog,

With  my wife it was very apparent to close family and friends that there was something wrong. She simply was not the person we knew. Still isn't. Even friends are shocked by her unexpected behavior. My daughter thought early on that my wife was bipolar and when I ask her if she saw her mom today she'll say no, not really. My granddaughter says her grandma often acts like a little kid now. We can tell she's not the same.

Absolutely Rosetint - I do think we suffer a form of PTSD, without a doubt.

There's a book on Amazon about PISD (Post Infidelity Stress Disorder). When I told my therapist about it she copied down the info so she could order a copy.

[Anjae]

I stumbled on a scary reason...  because counselors and mental health professionals don't know A THING about MLC! 

They do. There is this thread, started by Thundarr, who is a health professional (and we have other health professionals on the board) called MLC and the Medical Community - http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3602.0

Reading the thread it is obvious health professionals, of at least some, know about MLC. The thread also has the reasons why they may not want to know.

 Jack, of recent I've been translating some scientific stuff (nothing MLC or health related). The samples they use are of the same size, sometimes smaller, sometimes a little bigger, than the approx 2600 affected left behind spouses.

It is a nice sample. Variables can be introduced to it, etc. We have the  empirical evidence here (and from real life cases). Yes, if it was Ebola, red alert had been raised.

MLC is not that difficult to diagnosis. Married person for decades, leaves spouse, acts like a teen, drinks, is depressed, monsters, is obstructive, etc. All one has is to be familiar with it.

[Jackolar12]

Hi Anjae,
Thank you for the reply and I will look at the thread you suggest.
I agree 2600 people affected by the fall out from Mlc is significant  and there are other boards to add to the figure. The disruption and pain is multiplied by the children and extended family being effected by Mlc also. If there was impiricle evidence which was scrutinised by the scientific community and found to be valid it would be great. Sadly I'm unaware to date of any study that has taken place and found Mlc to exist. The problem seems to be increasing as social networks and dating sites allow unrestricted access to potential affair partners
Wooing people with flowery words. It would be interesting if anyone knows of a study of broken relationships caused by social media. I think it  is dangerous myself as there's a lot of temptation.
Regards
Jackolar

[stayed]

It continues to amaze me, that there has been next to no research done on this phenomena, we all call MLC.  As Kikki said, we have been pondering this question from the very earliest days of this forum.  It seems impossible to me, that some scientist who has to do a thesis or some such thing has not "happened" upon such an interesting phenomena. 

As you say, it is effecting many people. I can only assume that until it either effects the "financial" stability of our country or some brave politician, nothing is going to be done about it.  Especially, if it continued to be viewed as some prosperous, foolish, bald headed, paunchy, old dude, in  a red corvette with a 20 something, bleach blond, bimbo on his arm.  Unless it happens to you, nobody wants to look too closely for fear it happens to them. 

Good conversation you are having here.  hugs Stayed

[Chookie]

Great topic and discussion. Totally agree with Neo.

It makes me want to set up a face to face support group.

[stayed]

Then do it Chookie!  Often, all anything takes is ONE person to get something started.  Youtube your first meet-up!  I bet you would be astounded at how many people follow you.

Hugs Stayed

[terrified_in_TN]

I forgot about this....

  The one woman at work who has really helped me through my situation is also taking college courses.  Part of the reason she has been so helpful is her mom ran off for a year and a half and got pregnant with a love child (her mom and step-dad I believe it was reconciled).  Anyway, MLC is covered in her psychology textbook, so maybe there is hope...

-T

[Adia]

The problem seems to be increasing as social networks and dating sites allow unrestricted access to potential affair partners
Wooing people with flowery words. It would be interesting if anyone knows of a study of broken relationships caused by social media. I think it  is dangerous myself as there's a lot of temptation.
Regards
Jackolar

Very true. My stbx husband just confessed to me this past weekend that he met the ow on Facebook.

[Anjae]

It continues to amaze me, that there has been next to no research done on this phenomena, we all call MLC.  As Kikki said, we have been pondering this question from the very earliest days of this forum.  It seems impossible to me, that some scientist who has to do a thesis or some such thing has not "happened" upon such an interesting phenomena. 

Scientist only fall upon things that they have an interest in and/or they can get funding for. Scientist also only tend to find what they are looking for. That is, if they are searching for blue and they happen to see yellow, they will tend to disregard yellow because yellow is not what they are looking for. Yet, yellow may be the real important thing.

Some how I don't think funding for research on MLC would be available. How many of those who grant the money have had a MLC and have absolutly no interest in having the issue being studied?

As you say, it is effecting many people. I can only assume that until it either effects the "financial" stability of our country or some brave politician, nothing is going to be done about it. 

It is affecting many people, but it is also allowing many people to make huge amounts of money. In the grand scheme of things, MLC probably increases teh economy. Just think of how much stuff MLCer buy, the money lawyers make from it, etc. There are industries/professions, from law to home decor, that profit from MLC.

MLC is, probably, like drinking and smoking, it generates big bucks.