[Dji76]

Good Q Elray. I have a 5 y/o son and 9 y/o daughter. As for my son I will not advise him unless he asks when that time comes. I will tell him the truth about the disadvantages of marriage and let him form his own opinion. The real question is how would i advise my daughter??? I think she deserves the same truths as my son and she should make decisions that benefit her with all the facts. Fortunately they are young and I have a long time before I need to worry about those issues for them.
Truth is the best thing I can do is raise to have good self esteem and not feel the need to fix other people. I already try to teach them they are not responsible for anyone else hapoiness and that they shouldn't feel the need to fight for someones love.

Here's a question to all the dads out there... What would u tell your sons/daughters to do if they were married to someone having an affair and MLC??

[JD]

Great thread guys and good start so far. For the ladies who have responded positively and are lookinginfor some Iinsight to how we think, feel and express then welcome.

So glad to finally see a place like this on HS.

However, for personal reasons, I will be bowing out; not just from tbe thread, but HS completely. This is for a couple reason:

1) I feel the direction I am going and at the stage I am at now, I have outgrown it or otherwise need to get on with my new life.

2) some recent events that have occured around the HS community have given me cause for concern about the safety and privacy of information and topics I have disclosed about my personal, life and situation. I fear that data could be exposed and used as a weapon against me. These concerns were brought up multiple times by more than one person but I feel they were not properly addressed or otherwise ignored.

WARNING - If you are a part of the alt chat thread, beware.....there are members there that keep records of the chats and have threatened to use these against members by sending it to their spouses! Until this is addressed and corrected.....you are not safe there!!!!

I wish all of you the very best and peace to all of you! Perhaps I may return down the road to check in.....maybe not.

Thanks to all of you for the support and comradiere!

Now, to go rule the Galaxy in proper Sith form! 


Darth Obo

Seconded. I've seen the evidence.  Be careful whom you trust with sensitive and personal information.

[patience.of.a.saint]

Can I just say that some of us like to know what you guys think so that we understand our own guys a little better? We don't want to screw things up anymore than you do. The trouble is, a lot of guys don't really tell it like it is, but yet they let it fester and fester until they can't take it anymore. If I'm not going to find this stuff out from my guy, you guys might clue me in as to what he might be thinking. I've learned a lot from your posts. I'm not looking for a group of women to man bash with, nor do I plan to join you in your discussion here in your man cave. But I do hope you'll tell it like it is here. Some of us do not believe all men are evil beings.

Looking forward to learning something from you guys, so please don't mind if I take a peek into the cave once in a while. 

[hawk]

l'm afraid of that to Dj .
l use to feel l could help people out with marriage and relationship probs if they asked . And a lot did bc me and my ex were really looked up to , even by mu parents.
l remember thinking at 10 yrs though , ha , 10 yrs , l can't give anyone advice 10 yrs is nothing . And then we got to 15 and l started to think well maybe , maybe now l can just say little things but , so much for that.

But the worst part now is , l just don't feel l have the confidence or knowledge or experience anymore to help my daughter in any way to do with relationships when the time comes . And why would she even listen to me anyway we screwed ours up . She can't even ask her mum.
Thankfully l have a few more yrs to figure somem out if it ever is needed.

like you l feel l could help a son though but no sons so .

l honestly don't know what l'd say in that sitch , depends l suppose on the circumstances and the person.
But l do just feel like all my ways and ideas , thoughts , have all been turned on their head these days thanks to my break up .

[terrified_in_TN]

hawk-don't beat yourself up too bad.

One thing I am very curious of, and I know we will never find out....

MLC seems to be such a male dominate dis-ease, as evident by the sheer numbers of women on this forum.  Us men are certainly a minority.  So it looks like only a very small fraction of women actually go through MLC.  Hopefully the odds are in your kids favor as long as they are taught not to "lose" themselves in another person, and not to get involved with someone who "needs fixing".

So, how did us men on this forum get so lucky as to end up with MLC wives? 

-T

[paradigmshift]

Uk Law  gives the woman 50% plus of the mans marital assets while letting her keep her own. I won't put myself in that position to lose what I have. (This is my own personal experience and may not relate to nationwide divorce statistics).

From a woman's point of view (or more likely mine): I will never have a close relationship with a man without marriage or at least a form of monthly allowance. When my MLCer left I ended up with nothing because I was never the greedy type. Even mistresses demand an apartment under their name and living expenses, at least the smart ones do. That was one lesson I took away with me.

If we are both fully independent then I guess there's no compelling reason for me to get married or even have a relationship beyond that of close friends. Kids, I can always have on my own. Men have learnt their lesson, so have women.

btw, in some countries, the woman has to give the man alimony if he's a house husband and she is the bread winner.

[MeNow]

I don't think that's true TN. Women initiate 2/3 of divorces today. IMO, there are many Christian women here, which accounts for most of the high numbers.

[toomanytearss]

I confess.  I'm a lurker.  Sorry guys.   

I only lurk because well, patience said it quite well so we will just go with that. 

But I will stay out of the discussion unless I can contribute something valuable.

And just so you know, although it shouldn't matter, its your cave, but I'm not easily offended and I have a huge potty mouth.  I have to contain myself all the time so I don't offend anyone.

I think its great you have a place to put your feelings out there and your thoughts.  Men and women are different, they think different, express themselves different.  And all you guys are always kind and respectful to us girls on the board. 

So I will just lurk occasionally and quietly. 

[Mad Hatter]

From a woman's point of view (or more likely mine): I will never have a close relationship with a man without marriage or at least a form of monthly allowance. When my MLCer left I ended up with nothing because I was never the greedy type. Even mistresses demand an apartment under their name and living expenses, at least the smart ones do. That was one lesson I took away with me.

If we are both fully independent then I guess there's no compelling reason for me to get married or even have a relationship beyond that of close friends. Kids, I can always have on my own. Men have learnt their lesson, so have women.

btw, in some countries, the woman has to give the man alimony if he's a house husband and she is the bread winner.

So what you are saying is, you can't be in an exclusive (possibly intimate) relationship with a man unless he gives you some kind of financial support? No offense, but that's basically prostitution, or maybe escort service, at best! But at least you are honest and I can appreciate that!

Agree that some countries, the woman pays. I just watched a clip from a talk show not too long ago where two women were paying their ex-husbands alimony. Both were very successful business women and were high income earners; both were American! Neither one felt they should have to pay!

[paradigmshift]

So what you are saying is, you can't be in an exclusive (possibly intimate) relationship with a man unless he gives you some kind of financial support? No offense, but that's basically prostitution, or maybe escort service, at best! But at least you are honest and I can appreciate that!

Yes, it beats doing charity. Does not taking money make me any less a prostitute when he walks away?

Even with alimony and 50% assets, the women here feel used and abused. Replaced. Imagine how I feel.