[UnconditionalLove]

Patience - Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.  Actually even less of what you see, maybe 10-20%.  My XW took a few books and some DVDs along with about a week's worth of clothes when she left.  College kids take more to the dorms when they go away for the semester.  In fact, she's even brought back (snuck in even) some of the DVDs along with a couple things she bought AFTER moving out.  It's all crazy bizarre, and if I didn't see most of it with my own eyes I would never believe it.  I know for a fact that if it was me who wanted out of the marriage I damn sure would have taken as much as I possibly could, if for no other reason than to keep the next person from getting my stuff. 

This scares me to no end! I read a couple of times today where the MLC wouldn't come back to move their things.  Showing signs of hope.

My H couldn't move fast enough.  When we finally got to the point of separating the storage he came right away back to the apartment too the last of his stuff and say, I'm moving to another state.  Of course it's the state other women is.  He actually said the state I just left it out.  Poof! gone,  we have a business. I'm doing my job here and he's doing his job there.  It's only been 2 weeks and he's still in fantasy land but didn't think twice on that big move.  I can't see hope in any of this.  I don't know what's going on in his head but he sure didn't show any signs of doubt for sure.

[MeNow]

It doesn't change anything about their crisis UL. Everyone is different and they do different things. In the end, same result. Do not over think it. Continue focusing on you and your life and keep hope in your heart without expectations.

Best

[riverbirch]

My younger sister's caught her ex husband checking out some nasty pornography. She had suspicions he was cheating but couldn't prove it. He was drinking heavier than normal and smoking a lot of weed. She thinks he had done other drugs too. Then she found his ads on capitalist looking for dates! He was doing all this crap but flipped out when she told him she was divorcing him and had a police escort out of their home. They then found out he was bipolar.

They got back together for a few months but he didn't change. He was also taking meds.drinking and doing drugs. They're divorced and she just remarried in Sept. So it's not all Mlc.

[patience.of.a.saint]

I know mine's not all MLC. He is diagnosed with ADD, but from the high and low cycles he has, I suspect maybe bipolar. I read a book on ADD and there are also different types of that, which, according to the questionnaires, he's got like 5 of the 7 types. Some of the types can develop from childhood issues though, so then it all gets sort of messy and mingles together to the point that you can't really pinpoint anything.

[Dji76]

I know some say it wasn't an overnight change... I noticed some changes in my w in may '14, bd was in early August. I have observed "seasonal" issues with her over the last 4 years beginning in '12. Things always escalate for her from June-December (manic) then she comes down and depresion seems to set in starting in late December. True to form this seems to be the case this year as all high energy behavior seems to have come to a hault over the past month or so. I'm interested to see where she goes from here and who she blames her delression on this time. It's usually whoever she is closest to. In 2013 it was her best friend, '14 it was me... My guess is it will be her family or her work as her current "friends" are all "yes men/women" and will tell her she is right no matter what she does.

[Dji76]

I realize I'm getting off track of men's issues but my last post related to the idea that it's not always "mlc" but the other issues that cause the behaviors we associate with mlc.

[OldPilot]

From my observation, I would estimate that 80 percent of the people who attend my divorce recovery classes suffer from a mental illness or disorder, or have dealt with a partner with one or more mental health conditions.

The challenges of being married to a person with a mental illness or disorder are often made considerably worse during the divorce process, and an individual with a mental health challenge will see their symptoms worsen during divorce.

So how many people are mentally ill in the US(diagnosed and undiagnosed) and married?

Four out of every ten people at work or sitting in the doctor’s waiting room suffer from moderate to severe depression.

http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/04/depression-continues-undiagnosed-untreated-primary-care.html

49 percent of Americans are estimated to have undiagnosed depression. -

 http://silverstreakonline.com/the-world-around-us/2012/05/11/report-nearly-half-of-all-americans-have-undiagnosed-depression/#sthash.4XuU6dTS.dpuf

Add the diagnosed people somewhere between 10-15% and we are getting well over half the population.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/major-depression/depression-statistics.aspx

Given that MLC makes these illnesses much worse this really comes as no surprise to me.

The things taught on this site are to help people with depression, mental illness, and MLC.

The odds of people being depressed on this site I would guess would be close to 100% of the people here at one point or another are depressed.
A matter of fact I defy anyone who has gone through this process to tell me that they made it through without being depressed!
So the point is who can we CONTROL?

OURSELVES thats it.

WE need to look in the mirror and work to make ourselves the best we can be!

That is the RECIPE for SUCCESS!

[Mad Hatter]

I realize I'm getting off track of men's issues but my last post related to the idea that it's not always "mlc" but the other issues that cause the behaviors we associate with mlc.

Agree we kind of got off track in here and de-railed a bit. Would like to go back to a couple of hot issues in the original thread that got the man cave started. For discussion (whether mlc or just a marriage issue)

1) what long term issues did you deal with as a man in relarion to spouse / ex-spouse? Example: we talked about how we felt the woman always tried to control the dialouge.....think things along this line.

2) For those that have decided to start dating and dipped there toe in the waters; what are you seeing? Whats the good, bad and ugly out there compared to what it use to be and what you were expecting, versus what it is in reality?

3) if you were to decide to give a serious LTR or marriage another shot, what are you looking for in a partner; what requirements must be met? What will you give on versus what you must have?

Guys, dont be bashful or pull punches here! The ladies said they want to see how we think, so be honest! If you have minimum criteria on profession, temperament, looks.....let it hang out On what they need to bring to the table!

 

[Braveheart]

I realize I'm getting off track of men's issues but my last post related to the idea that it's not always "mlc" but the other issues that cause the behaviors we associate with mlc.

Agree we kind of got off track in here and de-railed a bit. Would like to go back to a couple of hot issues in the original thread that got the man cave started. For discussion (whether mlc or just a marriage issue)

1) what long term issues did you deal with as a man in relarion to spouse / ex-spouse? Example: we talked about how we felt the woman always tried to control the dialouge.....think things along this line.

2) For those that have decided to start dating and dipped there toe in the waters; what are you seeing? Whats the good, bad and ugly out there compared to what it use to be and what you were expecting, versus what it is in reality?

3) if you were to decide to give a serious LTR or marriage another shot, what are you looking for in a partner; what requirements must be met? What will you give on versus what you must have?

Guys, dont be bashful or pull punches here! The ladies said they want to see how we think, so be honest! If you have minimum criteria on profession, temperament, looks.....let it hang out On what they need to bring to the table!

 

1. Never really had any issue, we did most things by consensus.

2. Given most of the women in my dating age range are 45+, 70% are either someone else's MLC wife with foot out the door or their already X-wife. Nearly all of them are pretty much going into peri-menopause/menopause and not a whole lot of fun to be around....This is how the original Man Cave concept came about...A place to get away from women going through the change..

3. No longer interested in remarriage or a LTR, the return is not worth the investment for middle aged guys who have already had kids. I bought a couple of motorcycles and got a dog...

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I read a book a couple of months after BD that said to sign up for an online dating site, explain the situation, and mention that I wasn't looking for a relationship, just somebody to occasionally go out to dinner or the movies with. The idea is to show you that it's possible to have a life even if your marriage doesn't survive.

It's been nice to see that there has been some interest and I've been contacted by a few women but I never followed up because I quickly realized I just wasn't interested and I really didn't see anyone who compared favorably with my wife. I just checked the site and found I had a visitor. 54years old, just left a 23 year marriage, looking for her soulmate, lost 70 lbs. in the last year, likes all music including rap as she listens to it when she hangs out with her son.