[Dji76]

I see no benefit to marrying again. As for ltr my list is as follows im open to that. Honestly, I'm kinda picky when it comes to women. I'm willing to accept that I'll be single rather than settle. Don't need "companionship" just for the sake of havin someone opposite gender to do stuff with. I also understand this may all change the further I get from my current mess.

[Braveheart]

" I just checked the site and found I had a visitor. 54years old, just left a 23 year marriage, looking for her soulmate, lost 70 lbs. in the last year, likes all music including rap as she listens to it when she hangs out with her son.  "

Yep, that's what I mean. I got several contact me like that, but also mentioned in their profile " kids do not live with with me".... Facebook is also full of similar women who seem to have a new "Soul Mate" about every six months, I bump into these women at social events all the time, talking to them between "Soul Mates" is like being interviewed for a job...I'm sure there are some out there that have it all together...but from my experince they're still married, stuck with their guy and realize life isn't all unicorns farting rainbows and skittles...

[Thundarr]

Damn.  After reading MyBrain's description of the woman on the dating site I started thinking about what XW's might look like if she had one (she might).  If it was honest and I didn't know her, I wouldn't be interested whatsoever.  Kind of sobering to think about......

[Mad Hatter]

Geezuz MyBrain, you pulled a winner! 

I'm kind of picky too, but not unreasonable......dont smoke, dont nag, have a hobby or two of your own, sense of humor, fitness concious; stay reasonably in shape and maintain yourself.

Now those last two are subjective and a lot of women reading may take offense. Most guys dont expect a beauty queen and if youve had kids we get it. Just stay in shape according to your frame size and height and exercise regularly. Its not just looks, its a general health thing that a lot of people dont get! And for begeezuz sake, dont go out in public in your jammies, jacked up hair  looking like youve just got out of bed and been sleeping for 3 days like them walmart people!

Problem around here, its either entitled college tramps or divorcees with serious baggage and outragious expectations!

EDIT:

Biggest issue in previous relationship was it was always about her and she always had to be right. Even if she was wrong it was an argument so she could right. Again, controling the dialogue!

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I'm kind of picky too, but not unreasonable......dont smoke, dont nag, have a hobby or two of your own, sense of humor, fitness concious; stay reasonably in shape and maintain yourself.

Now those last two are subjective and a lot of women reading may take offense. Most guys dont expect a beauty queen and if youve had kids we get it. Just stay in shape according to your frame size and height and exercise regularly. Its not just looks, its a general health thing that a lot of people dont get! And for begeezuz sake, dont go out in public in your jammies, jacked up hair  looking like youve just got out of bed and been sleeping for 3 days like them walmart people!

Well written, I agree with all of this, especially the commitment to living a healthy lifestyle.

I was really happy with my wife's newfound desire to eat and dress better during the year or so prior to BD. Of course, now I wish it had been for a different reason.

[Thundarr]

Agree with you guys.  I also was impressed with XW's commitment to looks and health the months before BD.  I was so proud I even showed my supervisor a recent pic of her a couple months before BD.  His reaction?  "Uh-oh."  I didn't understand then.  I do now.

[Mad Hatter]

Well written, I agree with all of this, especially the commitment to living a healthy lifestyle.

I was really happy with my wife's newfound desire to eat and dress better during the year or so prior to BD. Of course, now I wish it had been for a different reason.

Agree with you guys.  I also was impressed with XW's commitment to looks and health the months before BD.  I was so proud I even showed my supervisor a recent pic of her a couple months before BD.  His reaction?  "Uh-oh."  I didn't understand then.  I do now.

Yep, its unfortunate, but also not just limited to "mlc". We do this naturally when we are looking to impress / attract the opposite sex. Its why we take our time grooming / preening / dressing for a night out.....even in an LTR on a date night. You even see this in the animal kingdom.

Problem is, we get into a relationship, marriage, get comfortable, and let ourselves go! We lose the physical attractiveness of each other and, as shallow as some may think this is, physical attraction plays an important role whether we like it or not!

On another note, I think this natural tendency to get in shape by the mlcer is just the primal built in function to attract another mate or seek validation in some cases......I dont think its driven by "healthy lifestyle" since they do all sorts of other destructive habits! Its all about finding new and the need to attract it!

[Braveheart]

Agree with you guys.  I also was impressed with XW's commitment to looks and health the months before BD.  I was so proud I even showed my supervisor a recent pic of her a couple months before BD.  His reaction?  "Uh-oh."  I didn't understand then.  I do now.

That's the thing, you hear all kinds of excuses for letting themselves go for years, but seem to have no trouble getting themselves back to pre marriage weight in as little as six months before they split.

Womens forums are full of such stuff where it almost seems they've do this on purpose, because they figure Hubby's afraid to say anything and it will lessen his desire for sex. Sad to think that as the PAU guys say, you have to use dread once in a whil;e to make them realise what they have.

[gillies9]

Just to back up what you guys are talking about these women are all looking for there soul mate Hate there husband's but have been married for 20 plus years are firetrucking nuts trying to look in there 20s are a bunch of where's that spread there legs for any guy who has a good line of $h!te as for they men who have lost their minds and get hooked by the young female version predator the difference they of want security so they get knocked up the women mlcer gets passed around its a shame really is I feel a lot worse but if it wasn't for the fact that there so cruel to the lbs.

[Thundarr]

Hadn't thought about it that way, BH, but yeah. XW had multiple diets over the years that lasted about a week or two and usually resulted in her getting grumpy and hateful, then going back to nice after she fell off the wagon.  That time though she stayed nice until a month before the end.  I do sometimes wonder if things would have been different had I jumped on the fitness bandwagon with her, but it likely wouldn't have mattered.

And as far as dating goes, I've had a few lunch dates with a fairly attractive co-worker recently but have no inclination to go any further. Theres so much of my life she would never know, and so many of my late loved ones she will never meet, that I just don't think she would ever get to truly know or understand me.  XW and I shared so many memories and so many years together that we got to know very many of each other's deceased loved ones.  I can't imagine ever having a "better fit" relationship and am afraid I would always compare any future one to ours.  Such a terrible, foolish loss for both of us for no valid reason.