[Mad Hatter]

Yes, I'm looking for a better deal. So are you.

No, I'm not.

Because we are not driven by hypergamy!

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Yes, I'm looking for a better deal. So are you.

No, I'm not.

Because we are not driven by hypergamy!

I guess if I were looking for a better deal I wouldn't mind trading up, but again, I'm not.

[superdog]

Madhatter, in answer to your question zero, nadda, none!

In the ones i have come across i have to say this genuinely, that the women had a lot more to do with it that they ever admitted to. Hmmm. To be fair its a dying complaint these days in our politically correct Britain. We all joke that it ought to be brought back 

Sd
X

[MeNow]

The rules are stacked in their favor, without a doubt. When I managed, our company used to have a yearly manager's meeting with the company's attorneys. You would not believe what we were told. It even shocked a few of the ladies. Basically it boiled down to this: WHITE MEN had better be extra careful in the workplace. They had better dot all their i's and cross their t's because they had to prove their innocence, not the other way around.

Yes, lawyers are scumbags and love this system because it makes them money but once again, those who made the laws in the first place are the most responsible. And trust me, it didn't happen by accident.

[Thunder]

superdog,

Have you ever had a "not attractive" woman complain of sexual harassment?
I'm just curious.  Were the women pretty much young, pretty women? 

[superdog]

No thunder far from it. Never from a young attractive woman.  I kind of avoided saying this earlier, but it was generally older women who had clearly been over confident and flirty and when they got to the stage of not knowing how to handle it, they cried harassment.  I felt really sorry for a man once who had been in this sitch with his colleague until her h started asking questions, guess what came next !

Sd

[paradigmshift]

First of all, I'm now a single woman who is free to date anyone I want. And don't say the woman you met online/who seems interested in you/met at a bar etc has issues/wrinkles that need ironing etc and tell me that you are not looking to trade up. I dare you to come back and declare that your partner is a trade down when you finally find her.

My MLCer was not attractive, he was and still is, less educated than me, and he was in debt when I met him and agreed to be his gf. We're not talking about $ or status here. What attracts me first and foremost is kindness, and what blows me away is intellect. I'm 'trading up' (as a single and free woman) for these two factors. My MLCer was kind before MLC (years before BD) if you're wondering, but being with him, I regressed in almost every other way. You can be the richest and most handsome guy on the planet but one tiny hint that you are unkind and it immediately repulses me. For example, I have not seen any of your faces but I have an idea of who I probably wouldn't date even if you turn out to be the richest or most handsome guy on earth. Or even the last guy on earth. I'm not talking about hypergamy when I talk about trading up.

The other question was about the drinks stall owner. No, I wasn't rude to him. I giggled and made it seem like it was a joke between us. And that might be my problem. Too nice to embarrass you in front of everyone else unless you are obviously a jerk who deserves to be tasered. He owns the stall, I own nothing. But he doesn't meet any of my basic requirements. I've exchanged pleasantries with him maybe 3 times prior and I know nothing about him that I can't see and vice versa. To ask someone to be your gf just like that?

The question about dance class: It's a mixed bag of men, some are married, one is there with his wife. One is handicapped. Attractiveness does play a part, but attractiveness is not only about physical appearance. It is also about how you carry yourself, what's in your heart and mind, how much of a gentleman you are. Say an attractive man grabs me (non-sexually) against my will. That's a -2. When an unattractive guy does it, that's a -5. When an ugly disgusting slob does it, it's a -50. Yes there is a ranking, but no one gets a plus. And it's professional latin dancing. I don't club. Never have, never will.

-Scenario-
a short break during dance sequence as instructor explains a particular hand movement in detail
Guy: *tries to explain step to me over the instructor thereby annoying me as I want to hear what the instructor has to say and not what he has to say*
Me: *smiles and nods politely and turns away to look at the instructor*
Guy: *still goes on and on then grabs my arm to manipulate it*
Me: *I nod and say ok and turn away in displeasure to focus on the instructor*
Guy: *drags me to a corner and forces me to practise the arm movement as a pair*

Nothing sexual, pure manhandling.

I notice that when I do not respond to a guy's interest in me, they tend to start to use force. And if they still can't get a response from me, the smarter ones drop it, and me altogether. Ha.

[Braveheart]

paradigmshift,

As this is a Men's forum I'll give some male advice. Most of the issues you've mention with manhandling at the dance class could have been solved simply talking to instructor about this issue or telling these guys to politely back off if they bother you. Laughing it off gives false signals and only encourages them to pursue.

Guys that are successful at dating know it's a numbers game and they have to take the initiative, but are not going to waste their time on someone who does not seem receptive. The guy who runs the bar probably uses that same line he used on you all the time, why? because it works often enough on the women he meets to make it worth his while.

 

[paradigmshift]

paradigmshift,

As this is a Men's forum I'll give some male advice. Most of the issues you've mention with manhandling at the dance class could have been solved simply talking to instructor about this issue or telling these guys to politely back off if they bother you. Laughing it off gives false signals and only encourages them to pursue.

I understand this, but 1) we randomly rotate partners and I do not want to offend anyone outright  as most of them have known each other for the last 8 or so years and I just joined 2 months ago, 2) I come from a culture similar to the Japanese/Chinese culture where giving the other party 'face' is the polite thing to do. But yes, I get what you are saying and thank you.

Guys that are successful at dating know it's a numbers game and they have to take the initiative, but are not going to waste their time on someone who does not seem receptive. The guy who runs the bar probably uses that same line he used on you all the time, why? because it works often enough on the women he meets to make it worth his while.

And now I understand why people manage to get into a new relationship/change partners so quickly, and break up just as quickly, and I take forever. Lol.

[Braveheart]

And now I understand why people manage to get into a new relationship/change partners so quickly, and break up just as quickly, and I take forever. Lol.

I think if someone does that too often or gets hurt too badly they lose the ability to truly emotionally invest themselves again. When my X abandoned our marriage it left me profoundly broken, but I still keep looking.