[MeNow]

I was under the impression from your post he was answering her calls. If not, that's different.

No,don't expect him to hate her. I don't hate my former AP but she is out of my life and my thoughts. She's in her proper place. Stay attuned to whether this is the case. Bear in mind he may need some grieving time if split with OW was recent. But NO MORE CONTACT. Stay guarded and enforce your boundaries.

[hopeandfaith]

I was under the impression from your post he was answering her calls. If not, that's different.

No,don't expect him to hate her. I don't hate my former AP but she is out of my life and my thoughts. She's in her proper place. Stay attuned to whether this is the case. Bear in mind he may need some grieving time if split with OW was recent. But NO MORE CONTACT. Stay guarded and enforce your boundaries.

He has answered 2 calls in the last 3 months but this is because he didn't know it was her.  He doesn't answer 'no caller id' calls - figures they can leave a message.  On this occasion, she called from the Crew Room which is a number he has to answer because it could be any one of his 100 or so pilots based in this town.  On the other occasion he answered a mobile number he didn't recognize because, again, it's his work phone and there are 340 odd pilots who might contact him.  He kept the calls short and will hang up in future because she has been told to call someone else.  He also calls me straight away to let me know in an effort to be transparent.  He learnt a long time ago that just because it doesn't matter to him, it doesn't mean that I don't want to know about it.

I think we have both grieved the loss of the friendship or more particularly, the breach of trust from her.  She never was an OW.  They never had a relationship.  He started withdrawing his friendship last July.  Sad really because I once crowned her 'the coolest chick to ski behind our boat' - ironically it was because she just wouldn't let go (despite her baby giraffe impersonation)

I might take this conversation back to my thread now if no one minds.  I am just conscious of hi-jacking the fella's thread and making it all about me  .  Unless of course, it stirs up anything that you guys find relevant to your situations or perceptions of men. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6084.msg398668#new

[Mad Hatter]

I think we have both grieved the loss of the friendship or more particularly, the breach of trust from her.  She never was an OW.  They never had a relationship.  He started withdrawing his friendship last July.  Sad really because I once crowned her 'the coolest chick to ski behind our boat' - ironically it was because she just wouldn't let go (despite her baby giraffe impersonation)

See, I have never understood the opposite sex "friendship" thing? That just provides fertile ground for afdairs and betrayals to take place. Doesnt matter if you both are friends or not.

Maybe its just a Mad Hatter thing, but I just never understood being "friends" with females anyway. I mean, if I was that interested, its because I wanted to date or commit to her. Otherwise, meh, whats the point; aquaintence at best. Never once have I found one that has / had enough to offer in common interest to be rellevent!

Maybe thats just my personal experience.

[hopeandfaith]

See, I have never understood the opposite sex "friendship" thing? That just provides fertile ground for afdairs and betrayals to take place. Doesnt matter if you both are friends or not.

Maybe its just a Mad Hatter thing, but I just never understood being "friends" with females anyway. I mean, if I was that interested, its because I wanted to date or commit to her. Otherwise, meh, whats the point; aquaintence at best. Never once have I found one that has / had enough to offer in common interest to be rellevent!

Maybe thats just my personal experience.

I don't think it is just a mad hatter thing.  When H and I met, I had a lot of male friends.  He pointed out that men and women could never really just be friends without someone wanting more.  When I reflected, he was right.  Every single one of them had asked me out at one time or another.  I said no and we had remained friends which I was ok with - probably a bit naive in hindsight.

This girl is/was part of a couple and they were both our friends - although they both knew H better because he worked with them.  H never had any more of a friendship with her than he did with the boyfriend.  She pursued my H right under her bf's nose and he never picked up on it.  He has since seen her behaviour for what it was and has taken a massive hit to the ego (understandably).  Blame is therefore going straight to H because I think he is now embarrassed at having missed it. 

[OldPilot]

I guess I am going to disagree here, I believe opposite sex can be friends without having sex or even wanting it.
I have women friends and have no intention or even desire to have sex with them.
And my feeling also is that if you are relying on sex to make you friends that might be a recipe for disaster in a relationship.
I would want to be friends with anyone that I was in a relationship with and believe that makes the relationship even stronger.

I hope one day my ex and I will be friends again,
but since that is not in my hands I will let go of it for now.
I am sure that is the most that I could ever hope for, tbh.


Anyways interesting discussion.

[Mad Hatter]

I guess I am going to disagree here, I believe opposite sex can be friends without having sex or even wanting it.
I have women friends and have no intention or even desire to have sex with them.
And my feeling also is that if you are relying on sex to make you friends that might be a recipe for disaster in a relationship.
I would want to be friends with anyone that I was in a relationship with and believe that makes the relationship even stronger.

I guess I have just never experienced what you are talking about OP because I have never found a female with enough common interest to be in the freinds circle. I agree, your wife/mate should also be your friend. It's just for me, personally, I have never found that much in common with any woman I had no sexual interest in to be more than an aquaintence.

Maybe that sounds bad and a bit dismissive; just my personal experience.

[Braveheart]

I guess I am going to disagree here, I believe opposite sex can be friends without having sex or even wanting it.
I have women friends and have no intention or even desire to have sex with them.
And my feeling also is that if you are relying on sex to make you friends that might be a recipe for disaster in a relationship.
I would want to be friends with anyone that I was in a relationship with and believe that makes the relationship even stronger.

I guess I have just never experienced what you are talking about OP because I have never found a female with enough common interest to be in the freinds circle. I agree, your wife/mate should also be your friend. It's just for me, personally, I have never found that much in common with any woman I had no sexual interest in to be more than an aquaintence.

Maybe that sounds bad and a bit dismissive; just my personal experience.

I really don't believe you can friends with any member of the opposite sex that you have some attraction to. That will always be going on in the background and anything you do for them is going to be influenced by that attraction. Many women are aware of this and will use this to their own advantage, but do not like to admit it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

[Thunder]

I agree 100% Braveheart.

Unless the guy is gay then you can truly be just friends.

[limitless]

This is the old "When Harry met Sally" discussion, isn't it?

Well, if I remember the film well (and I've seen it numerous times) - Harry felt the same as many of the men on this thread.  Men and Women couldn't just be friends.  Sally disagreed.  The two (eventually) became friends...and even later, fell in love. (it was a movie, after all).

I have a very good male friend that I have no interest or expectation that I would ever be in a romantic relationship with him. 

I am NOT so sure that he feels the same way...and that concerns me...a bit.

Men and women (for the most part) see this differently.  As Harry would say "the sex always got in the way."

It's a shame.....as I would bet that there are many members of the opposite sex that any of us could or would find to be a very good friend....maybe acquaintance is the better term?

L

[MeNow]

I think the key is a friend of the opposite sex we are attracted to.

I never had any real female friends growing up. Either I was attracted to them or they were to me.

I do have a few now but I have never met them in person, just by phone or online. One of the phone ones has been a good friend for years and we talk 3-4 times a week.