[stayed]

Too often the automatic assumption from women is if a Single Man ( newly or otherwise) makes any public statements regarding women in a less than flattering light he gets served the "You're just bitter" or you are "Dating the wrong women" cards.

What it boils down to is older guys who already had a long term marriage under their belts, a couple of kids in tow no longer fall for the shaming langauge that was used to manipulate us in the past and resent it when its use is attempted again to keep us on the reservation. Many of us here now realize our true worth and are not willing to put up with the crap we did in the past.

Apparently you are not reading the WOMEN'S threads Braveheart!  I would have sworn my friend Limitless or Bkrmm... etc. had written that.  They have said those exact same statements to me.

I should THINK you would know your TRUE WORTH by now... and definitely accept no crap!  I don't think I have ever seen one single person suggest you should.  Who are you talking to here... we have suffered the exact same COMMENTS/CRITICISMS by friends, acquaintances as well.  Our friends became very uncomfortable around us.  They wanted us to MOVE ON!... SOUNDS like you have had the exact same experience.

Hugs Stayed

[Mad Hatter]

Too often the automatic assumption from women is if a Single Man ( newly or otherwise) makes any public statements regarding women in a less than flattering light he gets served the "You're just bitter" or you are "Dating the wrong women" cards.

What it boils down to is older guys who already had a long term marriage under their belts, a couple of kids in tow no longer fall for the shaming langauge that was used to manipulate us in the past and resent it when its use is attempted again to keep us on the reservation. Many of us here now realize our true worth and are not willing to put up with the crap we did in the past.

And this is seen as a problem. Where have all the good men gone? They wised up and have taken themselves off the market! A good man with all those assets and not willing to share; can't have that now can we!

The scenario Rookie 13 shared is all too telling; it was all fun and games until "she started looking past him to his home to see if her kids could fit too!" (paraphrased)

[in it]

I guess it depends on what age group you're in. I have no idea what the median range is on HS.

I read threads of people in their 30's to their 60's.

If you like 'em younger they probably are looking for someone to take care of them and their kids.

Personally? I would really like to feel respected, cared for and about by a man. I don't have to live with him to feel like that. I have young adult children which affords me more freedom.

I think it's age and what relationship you think might cause the least problems and enhance your peace of mind.

[Mad Hatter]

I guess it depends on what age group you're in. I have no idea what the median range is on HS.

I read threads of people in their 30's to their 60's.

If you like 'em younger they probably are looking for someone to take care of them and their kids.

You are probably correct for the most part on the age range thing; but is probably more relative to the age of the kids. Younger kids at home, more anxiety and worry to support them over a longer period. I can understand and appreciate this dilemma; the problem is this is very commonly the primary motivator over true feelings and the well-meaning man gets taken advantage of! The attitude and tempo changes almost overnight, and things start to evolve around her kids and his resources start getting sucked up!

Now, I am not being callous and not saying the kids aren't important; they are and should be her priority. Any man who dates or considers relationship with a woman who has kids MUST understand that it is a package deal! But it goes back to what someone was saying earlier; about honest intentions? Just like we should be honest that it's just a "sex thing", honesty should be up front if her priority and motivation is security for her kids!

Same goes for those in their 30's marrying "late" in the game. The desire for kids should be right up front before it gets too serious. No need wasting time if they are not feeling it; this goes both ways. What I can't stand is when a man expresses his desire to not have kids, she says she understands, and then she "accidentally" forgets her pill or the rubber "accidentally" broke or leaked. Now you have a man who has been unwillingly forced into fatherhood and is now legally on the hook for children he didn't want. And yes we know this happens; just go back to the video link I posted in the last man cave thread.

Personally? I would really like to feel respected, cared for and about by a man. I don't have to live with him to feel like that. I have young adult children which affords me more freedom.

I think it's age and what relationship you think might cause the least problems and enhance your peace of mind.

Agree completely on the bold part! Living with or not is a choice, but the respect & care is absolute among other things.

[stayed]

If you don't want any more children... then get fixed.  Have a vasectomy, then you won't have to worry.  Then you just tell her, can't have kids... I'm neutered!  Tu da!

Hugs Stayed

[Braveheart]

Too often the automatic assumption from women is if a Single Man ( newly or otherwise) makes any public statements regarding women in a less than flattering light he gets served the "You're just bitter" or you are "Dating the wrong women" cards.




What it boils down to is older guys who already had a long term marriage under their belts, a couple of kids in tow no longer fall for the shaming langauge that was used to manipulate us in the past and resent it when its use is attempted again to keep us on the reservation. Many of us here now realize our true worth and are not willing to put up with the crap we did in the past.

Apparently you are not reading the WOMEN'S threads Braveheart!  I would have sworn my friend Limitless or Bkrmm... etc. had written that.  They have said those exact same statements to me.

I should THINK you would know your TRUE WORTH by now... and definitely accept no crap!  I don't think I have ever seen one single person suggest you should.  Who are you talking to here... we have suffered the exact same COMMENTS/CRITICISMS by friends, acquaintances as well.  Our friends became very uncomfortable around us.  They wanted us to MOVE ON!... SOUNDS like you have had the exact same experience.

Hugs Stayed

I've been reading all threads here, male/female for over three years now off and on. I'm not aiming at anyone in particular, I'm just bringing up what a man feels from a male perspective in today's world.

We get the shaming language far more than women, men have been depicted in the media for the last 40 years as buffoons, their masculinity being exhibited as some sort of joke. Men are shown as incapable of existence without the the help of a long suffering wife, two kids and a dog....all of them smarter than him.

Many of us who have done everything we were could to aquire the traits we were told we should aspire to are now finding out at 45+ it's all crap. We are told to shut up about it and even our "Male Gaze" might trigger fear in the women folk if we look at them in the wrong way....Yeah some of us are tired of it

[MIMIx]

Braveheart, you can thank your fellow men for the advertising that depicts men as baboons etc...
The industry is dominated by men and they are aiming their marketing directly at women...the primary purchasers. Nothing sells a product better than an ad showing a woman coming to the rescue of a man.  It's not personal...it's all about money.

Nothing about a good man is crap.  Good women look for good men.

[Rookie13]

To me most points are mute,

Feelings trump logic every time...Sure men get trapped...probably 10% of babies come that way...Most people know the little head pretty much thinks for the big one...

Sure at 45ish and being burnt makes us all a little wiser...may or may not make a difference...Way to many people jump right back into the mix...

I can say that after going through all of this...it's much clearer now to see how the world/people really operate..

[in it]

I have an aunt I respect and love very much. She's educated an accountant ,independent ,owns her own firm. I don't have very many family members left.

She accused me of having a "victim" mentality and why couldn't I be I grateful I was alive. That I was in the long list of angry bitter people and how did that feel? Didn't I want peace?

At that point in time the idea of peace was pretty scary. Anger was an emotion I was much more familiar with. I told her without justice- I will have no peace.

I told her yes I was grateful she didn't have a funeral to attend. And I was grateful when I spent two days and nights in my shed. I was grateful I had it.

 I didn't tell her but it would have been really nice if I had a way to contact her since I was homeless.

Her attitude about my situation was devastating.

Women don't necessarily have some warm supportive loving family around them when things like this happens. And I do have a few problems with us being labeled the "weaker" sex.

Ashamed? Yeah..well..she tried. NO ONE makes you feel inferior without your permission.

One @$$hole doesn't constitute all men. I just managed to spend more than half my life with him and that's MY FAULT not anybody elses.

I pretty much have always had a good sense of self worth and value. Just because someone else doesn't see or appreciate it doesn't mean it isn't there.

I find some TV programming ( Family Guy, The Simpson's, and Married with Children) not only debasing to the family unit but to the men in the situation. I'm wondering how many women writers are involved. 

[twiceburnt]

Wow, this thread grew quickly.  lol  Since I'm losing my job at the end of the year, my W suggested a few places I should apply to.  She thought I should apply at the hospital for the IT department.  Her OM is the director of IT at the hospital!!  At first I thought she was just being a jerk, but she was sincere?!?!  Yeah, I'd love to work for her OM?! lol  Talk about an insult to injury/slap in the face.  WTF...seriously.  I couldn't believe it.  How nuts is she?!?!  Does she think we're all going to be great friends after this and go to happy hour together when it is all said and done?!? 

On another funny note, the woman who's been flirting with me at the gym nearly face planted on the treadmill when I came in.  She was running at a pretty good pace and turned and gave me a huge wave and nearly bit it.    We laughed about it afterwards, but I'm thinking to myself, I have a wife who despises me for whatever reason, and some random woman nearly injures herself just to wave at me...MLC is so messed up!