[patience.of.a.saint]

I am somewhat the same way. I can remember days of being in class and having no idea what the teacher said because I doodled and daydreamed.

I'm a little bit the same Ready and patience. 
Big time on the day dream spectrum would be my mother and our eldest son. 

I wonder whether the childhood trauma needs to also be a part of the picture of MLC and this all adds up to making the brain less resilient, hence the MLC?

My guy definitely had childhood trauma. His sister told me about what it was like growing up and their mom would beat them, send them to bed without supper, yell at them. His sisters both got their hair pulled. I can't imagine that kind of abuse. Both of his sisters have mental issues, and at least one of them has to be in a MLC herself.

I have also read that there is a type of ADD that is affected by temporal lobe injuries, and he played football in high school and got knocked out with a concussion. He has ALL the symptoms of that type of ADD.

Here is a link to the doctor who came up with all the types.
http://www.amenclinics.com/conditions/adhd-add/

Whether or not these types contribute to MLC, I do think the ADD is connected to the troubled childhood, which in turn has led to the MLC.

Now, on the other hand, I also have an exH who has been in MLC for over 10 years and I know his mom did nothing traumatizing because he worshipped the ground she walked on. His parents divorced when he was small and he did not have much to do with his real dad. I worry that this may be the cause of his MLC because then it would be very possible the same could happen with the kids too. I sure wouldn't want history to repeat itself.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I think the dissociative state occurs as a coping mechanism during childhood trauma or as a coping mechanism during prolonged periods of stress during childhood. It's during this dissociative state that memory storage becomes fractured. As Anjae pointed out, prolonged stress can also affect the brain in other ways.

[Snowdrop]

poas

he did not have much to do with his real dad. I worry that this may be the cause of his MLC because then it would be very possible the same could happen with the kids too. I sure wouldn't want history to repeat itself.

There is a psychiatrist/ologist, don't know which, at our drs and I drop in from time to time, maybe 3x a year to check in and talk about the kids.  I asked the same question and he said the difference being our children are supported and cared for and listened to, in contrast to their father when he might have gone through his childhood trauma.

[patience.of.a.saint]

poas

he did not have much to do with his real dad. I worry that this may be the cause of his MLC because then it would be very possible the same could happen with the kids too. I sure wouldn't want history to repeat itself.

There is a psychiatrist/ologist, don't know which, at our drs and I drop in from time to time, maybe 3x a year to check in and talk about the kids.  I asked the same question and he said the difference being our children are supported and cared for and listened to, in contrast to their father when he might have gone through his childhood trauma.

Thanks Snowdrop, that is good to know. I do know exH's mom never had a nice thing to say about his dad so there may have been issues with that too. I may THINK exH is an idiot, but the kids don't know a thing about how I feel towards him. They can figure the idiot thing out for themselves...and maybe already have.

[kikki]

Just a thought.
Having navigated (still navigating) this with three (then) young teens, I think it's important to be able to discuss any behaviours that come up. 

Having a parent do a 180 in personality and behaviours is mighty confusing for kids. 
I think it's important to not carpet sweep behaviours that are affecting everyone, but we can do this without putting down the MLCer themselves.
I used to say that their Dad loved them all very much, and a counsellor pointed out that that wouldn't be very helpful for the boys because their father had abandoned them, and it wouldn't feel to them as though he loved them at all at that point.

As with our MLCers, it's important that our children also feel validated and heard.  Their experience is not ours. I think that's the key.

[Snowdrop]

Both children witnessed the behaviour of H and were in the room at BD as he left.  As awful as that was, in some ways it "helped" as they saw for themselves first hand.  We talked more at the beginning when he left, but now the kids don't want to invest any time talking about him as he has gone.  S has the odd moment where he wishes his dad would just leave "like other dads do" and live close by.  How sad is that. 

The one thing I have said over and over to them from day one is: "dad didn't leave because of us, dad left because of dad".  I really think that those few words stuck with them.  I hope so.  The more bizarre behaviour they recall, the more it confirms that to be true.

[kikki]

Snowdrop, our children too witnessed the out of character behaviour, and as awful as its been, as you experienced, I do think it helped them accept that their Dad is really struggling right now.

[Snowdrop]

Snowdrop, our children too witnessed the out of character behaviour, and as awful as its been, as you experienced, I do think it helped them accept that their Dad is really struggling right now.

As awful as it is/was, in some ways it was a "gift" (for lack of a better word) as how could we even begin to explain any of this to them.  Our kids bring up their own memories of H and his irrational behaviour and some of the things he said.  When I look back there was lots of love, but lots of unnecessary meanness which the children should have never experienced.

We are very real in our house and don't sugar coat things, but the thought of ever trying to explain H's departure if the children hadn't witnessed it for themselves would have been a never ending mountain to climb.  How could I explain what I don't even understand myself. 

They see it isn't like other divorces or families who live apart, and after being away for so long, he is now a stranger and not the dad they knew, for many reasons.

[Jagger]

I haven't read through this entire thread, however as R2T knows, as I reached out to her in the very beginning of my nightmare. My son was diagnosed with ADD and dyslexia. In fact, my h flew over the cookoos nest when this son was preparing for a state wide test ( grade 3) I already knew that my son was dyslexic. I did not know about the ADD.  I diagnosed my h with dyslexia when we were still in college. I rewrote all of his essays and I helped him study, because he could not grasp the literature , he had a hard time reading accurately.

His parents, siblings to this day insist that he was  retarded ( yes this is the word they use) because he had the cord wrapped around his neck when he was born. This is not the case however , I have done my research.this is hereditary...hence my son. He is a twin, his twin brother does not have this diagnosis ( for lack of a better word)

My h , still deep in MLC with many false returns is now taking meds for ADD.

Just wanted to post this...as I have noticed that so many of the MLCers seem to be ADD and/ or dyslexic.

Jagger


 

[kikki]

I have noticed that so many of the MLCers seem to be ADD and/ or dyslexic.

That does seem to be the case.
My MLCer is dyslexic, as is one of our sons. 
Never diagnosed, but think we could add ADD for my MLCer as well.

Keep us posted on how your MLCer is doing on his meds.