[In this for ME]

Hey- you forgot to add to the card

AND I"LL BE THE FOGHORN WHEN YOU F UP!!

I know our 21st annivesay would have been the 23rd... OH well never got anything from him before don't plan on getting anything this year. I'm not anticipating feeling any flood of tears or anything. Gotta take the girls to the dentist that day.

[Synicca]

 IIFTLH!!! No KIDDING!! now why didn't I think of that! Shoot!!  hehehe

I believe my Anni should be one of my checkpoints...We had always gotten eachother something and went out
for a special dinner...Now, I'm not holding my breath and i have no idea how I will handle it.

knowing how I have been these days...I'll probably cry like a baby! Ugh! and that just might be the "Kicker" for me.

[Faith]

Well, I've mulled it around for a couple weeks and have decided I won't be getting my H a card or anything tomorrow.  I've been at this for almost two years now and decided a couple months ago that I'm no longer setting myself up to hear "I'm in a different place than you", "I told you I'm done", "nothing in me wants this marriage anymore", etc. etc. ETC.  I can't hear it anymore.  So that means my only card options would be the generic ones that just say "happy valentines day", and what would be the point?  I suppose the point would be taking away his fun of telling his parents and friends that I did nothing for him.  Giving him one more reason to be the victim.

I just don't want to play the games anymore.  I'm tired.

I'll get my girls a little gift of their favorite candy or something.  I expect H to give me a couple flowers or something to present in front of the girls and make himself feel like a good person and enhance his feelings of victimhood.  We'll sit together at my D's basketball game tomorrow night and pretend to be a family.

[Sideways]

Hmmm, I think I will get some flowers...send them to the OW and say from a "secret admirer" I think your hot"..... just to sort of "stir the pot" ya know?... put on the card that "we" should meet. State a meeting site and then I could hide-out to see if she shows.  Lol,  I know...sick, sick, sick.

I am going out to lunch with my d and her sig-other.  We are going for Chinese at fave restaurant.  And then to Bookstore for browsing. Their idea, so even better!
No cards. No presents for H.  I did get him a tee-shirt for Christmas that I couldn't pass up, left it on table and said, "saw it...thought of you...got it."
 I got back a note on table saying THANKS.

Love and light-S

[StandandDeliver]

Sideways - good plan except it makes OW look desirable to other men. Much better to send flowers to H with a note saying something like, "Thanks for the other day, I never thought I'd meet a man like you!" (OW's already know that H is capable of cheating, why not play on her fears!) Hehehe.

Seriously, I am not sending a V card or anything to H. I am no longer pursuing him. I told him matter of factly last week that I don't want a D. He knows how I feel about him, but I am not going to "romance" someone who will only reject it (or consider it an ego boost  - 2 women want him!!! - rather than think about how it means I am feeling).

Remember MLC is all about them. They only care how they are feeling. While in replay, us LBS's are currently a fall back option at best and an major irritation at worst. I am going to take my S out for a Valentines "afternoon of fun" (cos I love him and he loves me!), cook my kids a nice dinner, pour myself a glass of red and thank God for the blessings I do have, and also that I don't have to live with H in his current state. 

[SpecialK]

Don't waste your money or your thoughts on her.

SKxx

[StandandDeliver]

Too right SK - I was joking in case anyone was thinking of actually doing this!! 

[In this for ME]

Faith
I know I got the "I'm done with you" thng also. They spew unkind things and I made a stand bout that to him fairly recently. I didn't deserve those things being said and he needed to stop.

Now I'm getting "there's so much lost time, damage, and empty space between us" And he's scared that usually starts the emails
And by the end he's practically begging for me to give it some more time.OW is out of the picture now BUT he still has a lot to do in regards to himself. And he's avoided it for 6 months now thinking SHE was the answer.

[Bewildered]

FAITH AND IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL

If this is helpful ..

Nearly a year ago my H was like this kinda begging for me to understand he was in pain but that he didn't know why but he at the same time was lying about his OW and so much more - he once said to me as we walked down a road him running after me after I had tried hard to just have a nice lunch with him and he had been either pathetic or mean and Id said -
You know H I find these lunches etc very useless - I try and understand you and listen to you but you don't have any empathy or appreciation of the issues that I am trying to talk to you about its not about us its about practical things (we own a old house and he wont take any responsibilities for it)  and etc then I change the subject to let the words sink in so was talking about politics (night before the election) and what did he say when I said what do you think (meaning who'd win) he said "I'm never coming home - do you understand, I'm done with you!! " well .. i said who asked you to come home what is wrong with you why don't you look in  a mirror and see yourself and I just want to shake you and get rid of this negativity and meanness its so not you?
His reply, by then we had left restaurant and were walking down the road  "you are your own worst enemy" and then I said "what are you talking about?? how are you feeling to say this to me it doesn't make sense??" and shook my head and he said,
"well I don't know maybe I mean myself is my own worst enemy I don't know and I cant look in  a mirror as its too scary and I don't feel anyting I CAN'T feel anything anymore!!!

I just lost it and said you are selfish and spineless and I don't want to do this again !
I went on the underground with him following me and me saying please go away!! You are so selfish and uncaring about us (kids and me) that I don't want to spend any time with you... he followed me to the hotel I was staying in and I just turned around and said Have a great life - I intend too.
I knew he was lying knew he was going on Holiday with his OW and he sat there and lied to my face, my respect for him was zero

so the same s*** from their MLC mouths .. but I have since had nothing like this and when I confronted him with the proof of the OW he visibly shrank and I think hes processing it but still looking for happiness
These MLC men are em brassingly stupid and if we let ourselves get caught up in their fantasy we will come off worse I really think so ......... let them play our their soap opera and you well don't even take a bit part - let them see what and where they are in full technicolour and the lack of real love that doesn't surround them
I know my H misses me ............ misses everything but he hides it and one day the curtain will disappear and if I have let his MLC fantasy into m life I wont be able to make the right decisions for me regarding him so you be selfish care and Love him from a distance but admit hes not someone you feel respect for empathy yes but respect to me is so important - trust and integrity needs to be rebuilt if he has the courage to do it !!
love and valentines day is a nothing day unless you are 16!
love B 

[Metal]

Happy Valentines Day to the Broken Hearted.
Be strong. Your Heavenly Father loves you.