[Rebel Yell]

OK,
What do we do for Valentines Day?

[Love being on higher grounds]

I hate to admit this...from my experience last year...NOTHING...if they do something fine, and I would reciprocate...but dont initiate or go out of your way!


really stinks I know~!

hugs,
L

[trusting]

I agree - do not initiate or do anything, except maybe to reciprocate as LNA said.

Last year I did give my H some candy he liked (that I had on hand "just in case") but that was it, and that was only because the night before he actually gave me a flowering potted plant (not sure if it was meant for V-Day or not, he didn't say).  That is the closest I have gotten to flowers in probably three years.

[limitless]

Oh Rebel,
I worry about you.
Try to let it go.
If your wife is in MCL - the little holidays of life really don't make up to a hill of beans.
I guess I really realized how bad my H's situation was - when he let Christmas come and
go - without making ANY move to communicate with me.
Christmas was always so special to him.  He always went overboard.
This year - he saw the kids for about 2-3 hours - but they had to go up to see him.
He sent me a gift - back with the kids.  I had purchased something small for him - just in case.
I sent it with the kids.
And, that was it.
Really sad...don't you think?
I miss my H and I wish that I could see him - and then I read your posts and I really believe that it is harder to see them.  You really get pulled through the ringer.  It makes it very hard for you to detach.
Hang in there!
From your posts - I can see that you are a good guy.  It sucks that you have to deal with this.
L

[Dontgiveup]

Rebel Yell

I agree with the others on here....do nothing.  Laursecan's post above is excellent.

[Still]

I agree. The more thought you put into this, the more disappointed you will likely be. Valentine's Day is about love.....MLC'ers aren't "feeling the love". To purchase or give a gift is often interpreted as pressure.

You could always have something "on hand" in case you want to reciprocate. However, like Laursecan said if she is truly in MLC...you are not on her radar right now.

[rememberer]

Valentine's Day is also my H's birthday. Do people still send birthday wishes in this situation, or just do nothing?

Don't you think a somewhat neutral birthday card would be appropriate, seeing we've been married 23yrs?
Just asking.

[Dontgiveup]

Rememberer

I would lean more toward the nothing side, though it's not necessarily "inappropriate" to give a card.

My birthday and Christmas are a few weeks apart.  My ex-wife sent me a text message wishing me a Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas in the same text.  I chuckled and wondered if it had been on her mind.  I'm guessing from the text message that it had been.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

I will celebrate Valentines with my daughters and if w wants to come she is more than invited. I did think of having chocolates and roses sent to my house from my w. With a card that says "Dearest Ready, you are the best thing that ever happened in my life. Hugs and Kisses." I would take the flower and candy give her a hug and say, "You are so sweet to do such a nice thing for me. " All's I got you was a card.

Her MLC mind would be so confused that she would not know what to say or do. I could see the gears clogging - when did I get him flowers and chocolates? How did this happen? HMMMMMMM. HMMMMM. I need an aspirin this thinking is giving me a headache.

The real thing is not to have any expectations at all and you will be just fine.

[UNHAPPYPUP]

Ready:  I love it!  Can I borrow it?  If only it wouldn't confuse my kids I would do so. 

I'm thinking of getting myself flowers and keeping them in my office at work (again - just for me, and not to confuse my kids).

We could always ALL do a virtual exchange!  If only we could draw names virtually...