[ruggedendurance]

Howmanytimes,

What you are living through is absolute bull$hit.    Your husband has problems from his past that are eating him alive.

His problem?    Is that he is been coddled too much.    He has been allowed to believe that his "feelings" and his "insecurities" are powerful enough to destroy his obligation to be a man........

In his defense.    It is a complicated life for men these days.   He is genuinely  confused.

Bottom line...............  If he is ever going to be a man?

It's up to him to figure it out.

[Searching4Answers]

My BD was December 2012 - I found this site in February/March 2013 after searching high and low to figure out what the he$& was happening.

It took another 6 - 8 months to realize that I couldn't fix this and to start trusting the process. The letting go took a lot longer.

[patience.of.a.saint]

BD was 10/13 and I happened to google the ever famous ILYBINILWY line and that's how I found out about MLC, although I was still not sure if that was it until I found this forum and all of you had the same story I had. Mine also has ADD and takes Adderall so for the year before BD, I thought he had something going on with that not working right, as the comedown from that can cause anger. Now, I am pretty sure those episodes were MLC monster, as they never really made sense. Like he would be ok with something and then a month later would go off about that something and it was stupid what he'd come up with about it. Nothing ever made sense the last year he was here.

My exH left 10 years ago, saying the same thing and I did not know HE was in MLC until I figured it out with this one. He's STILL in MLC. I sure wish I had known about this way back when he left, but that was still the days of dialup and we never really had the internet all the time so never dreamed it would actually BE something. I just thought he wanted out. I will say though, I don't think I would've done anything any different than what I did, but knowing with him maybe would've helped me see the signals I was getting with this one. Who knows I guess.

[Seekingpatience]

At first, i thought it was a straight out A. And H was scrambling to get back together. Then about 2 months of IC later, BD happened then talk about yoga retreats and playing musical instruments etc surfaced with lots of memory lapses. Yoga!!! And colonic irrigation? Really? That's when MLC script flowed ...ever forward like lava...destroying everything in its path...

That's when I began to think it was MLC. I think he was trying to transition but OW outing him and the discovery of his STD tipped him into crisis.

[Howmanytimes]

Hi Ruggedendurance

Thank you so much for answering my post.

H is certainly screwed up that's for sure.

His FOO issues were that he was indulged as the baby of a well to do Family who had  communication problems in that they never made small talk.  This has meant he finds it difficult to talk about any problems he has.  My Late Mother once said to me that he is very deep.  I  think he has a great sense of entitlement.

His Mother loved him and thought I wasn't good enough for him but she was cold in a way.  She told him when he was 7 years old that he was too big now to be given a goodnight kiss. 

His Father IMO held his Mother in contempt and there didn't seem to be much love on his part.  Although I think she loved him.  The Father was highly intelligent and his Mother was just average and sometimes came across as a bit scatty.  She was one of those old fashioned types who believed women should obey their Husbands but then she was born in 1914.

In some ways I wonder if he has a Madonna ow complex.  The Wife is the care giver who runs the home and he seeks out OW to have fun with.  Oh heck I have been married to him for 33 years and been in a relationship for 36 years and I still do not know or understand him.

The thing is am I dealing with MLC in your opinion because some days I think I am and then the next day I start wondering again.

Thanks again for your help

HMT

[Lanzo]

I didn’t know until it was too late and we were heading to divorce, that’s when I found this site.

Previously xW had dropped plenty of bombs, had the PA and was constantly trying to find herself, we all thought she was just ignorant, argumentative, and a spoilt brat who need to grow up. Didn’t think of MLC.

Even if I had know it was MLC in the first place I don’t think my outcome would have been much different. All I had done in working on myself was delay her on her journey. They do what they wanna do when they want out, no matter what.

Lanzo

[Dji76]

Took me about 3 months to put the pieces together. I looked at all the more "medical" explinations first... Bi polar, ptsd (she said she was numb)... Like many others i googled "ilybnilwy" and couldn't believe all the suggestions of an affair. My w had been loyal and honest to a fault prior to bd. 7 months in and it's still hard to believe sometimes. I need to do a better job of limited contact but circumstances make that difficult. Now her favorite line is "I want happiness" but she's still looking for it outside of herself. She tells me this is about her not me but I still seem to be blame somehow. She won't initiate a divorce or but avoids me like the plague. I'm detached but still working on truly letting go. Everytime I get close she comes around just enough to rope me back in. I'm learning though and I believe I'm close to letting go 100%.

[bipolared]

I got it pretty quickly.  Actually at BD H said at one point, "Maybe this is my midlife crisis" but later would vigorously deny anything like that.  I noticed him being very irritable and depressed a few months before(got monster but didn't know it) but he has always had issues with FOO, alcohol, and undiagnosed depression; I just thought he was having a lot of stress.  I googled ILYBINILWY and MLC support groups in my area(none, surprise surprise) and found this site within a week or so.  Thank God, as I thought I would have a breakdown with the stress of appearing normal in front of everyone.

[Thunder]

When bd happened I was floored!  What?  You are unhappy and want a what?
He changed so quickly I couldn't keep up, thought he lost his mind and so did everyone else.
My sister said...maybe he's having a midlife crisis (laughing of course) but when I googled it, it all made sense.  This was maybe after 2 months.

I'm not sure when I started to accept it and detach.  Maybe after about a year or so. For sure after 2 years.

[grace2713]

A month into bomb drop I came across an article that described pretty much what happened to us

http://m.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/14-signs-that-show-if-a-midlife-crisis-is-destroying-your-marriage-145552.html