[stayed]

wow, good comments LP.  I am too depressed to comment further.  Too disgusted actually. 

hugs Stayed

[beyondblessed]

When my xh left, the only thing certain to me of his behavior was that he clearly had no idea who he was or really where he fit in.  He cried and fled immediately to our basement after coming to me 6 weeks after BD  and proclaiming with such drama that he needed a divorce.  In my 18 years with him, I'd never seen him in such emotional turmoil....and it was all downhill from there.

He continued to live at home for another 3 weeks, while still vehemently denying his OW (boss from work) and still not muttering a word to me when in his presence.  It was so weird and uncomfortable....mostly because I knew what I knew from being on here and reading others stories.  He was following script very well....such a good actor, had I not known any better.

What's become of him and us seems surreal and unfathomable.  I knew he had some issues, but never would have imagined the extent and scope until this year.  2016 will go down for me as the year of discovery....at least I spent the year doing my own mirror work and re-discovering who TOC really is.  Still have to shake my head at how lost I've been the last few years.  It's no wonder xh went AWOL.

[Dji76]

Thinking we know who someone can be is not allowing them to be who the ARE.

[Ready2Transform]

Thinking we know who someone can be is not allowing them to be who the ARE.

SNAP. This is a biggie. It means letting go of not just control but of expectation, of dreams, of potential. That's a huge identity wipe - for US. We walk through life secure in what we believe and what we perceive. BD is the wake up call, but when we do the mirror work, there's a next layer to it where we actually, willingly, start to release. For some reason, for me anyway, I found that a big part of this was tied to a feeling that by accepting my xH for who he is I was somehow validating what he did to me. That's not the case. More mirror work ensued.

[Anjae]

History is an atraction factor, at least for a while. After a certain point (years), especially for those of us without contact with our MLCer and who have no children, I don't know how much it will matter.

Granted, Mr J is the only person with whom I had a relationship/marriage with that was very long. But still... I have no idea what I would do with a broken man.

On a professional level, Mr J would be an asset, on a personal one, somehow, I think he may just hinder my peace and growth. Or it may just be that I am not interested in dealing with the turbulence a broken MLC brings.

Do I miss the man or the relationship? I miss the relationship with Mr J. It is not that easy to replace the type of relationship we've had. So far, I did not found anyone who would be close.

But, do I currently know Mr J? No. Does he currently knows me? No. Would we still match and have the same type of relationship we've had before? I have no idea.

To me, MLC is not an identity crisis. It comes from excessive stress and depression. Those combined lead to what seems to be an identity crisis.

Of course I may be totally wrong. Still, in the end, I am not sure if it makes much of a difference if MLC is, or is not, and identity crisis. The big difference I can see is that for those of us who see it has coming from stress and depression there may be a cure, for those who see it as an identity crisis, most likely there may not.

[Medusa]

LP, every single word you wrote is exactly how I feel. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully.

(Happy Birthday and Semper Fi a day early from one former Wife to another)

[lawprofessor]

Hoo-Rah!  Semper Fi!

Thank you, quite a sisterhood being married to a military man, isn't it!  Good experiences and the not so good that helped shape the women we are today. 

Lp

[stayed]

I'm a military wife too... but I never in my life said Semper Fi.  I loved that life.  25 years, how long were you military wives?  How come I never knew you were military wives.  MMmmmmmmmmmmm where have I been?

Hugs Stayed

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Semper Fi! And happy birthday! I celebrated 17 out 21 years of them with the EX. I don't miss him, but I miss my "military" family.

[Anjae]

I went back and re-read what you ever wrote, LP.

I found this quite interesting:

Therefore, no assurance that without the broken parts meshing, we would be a solid couple with a viable future.

Sometimes I wonder if a little (or a lot) of brokeness is what makes some couples viable. And if so, is it so bad to have some brokeness present?

Somehow, from my personal experience, healed, or more healed people, have a hard time find a mate. At least, I have. It was much, much easier when I was not healed. Or was less developed (when I was younger). Now it is like I am on a level and most people are in another.

And I am probably being too choosy and wanting a certain level that may not be available.

Happy birthday, LP.