[in it]

Me either gman I'm so thankful for the forum.and the people who just let me rant...when I first started posting here for myself 3 years ago ( I posted for the end of the end of the  marriage in 2010-2011)

 When I returned here..I thought ....This isn't ever going to work. . I'm WAY too firetrucking angry to have this help me.    Just typing it out??? Using these little emoticons? Seriously? But it did and it does. I didn't just post on the site exclusively..as I mentioned earlier I had other outlets.

I did finally have to admit I was stuck in anger stage of grief and find some other way to deal with it. It was more the observation of the friend I mentioned before. She witnessed most of the anger. I went to a DV support group..that wasn't it. I called grief counselors they didn't return my call.

I have a cousins who's a psychology professor who helped a lot..then I had trust issues start and I stopped confiding so much in her.

 I did get to tell the story to a retired BCI investigator and he finished parts of my story before I could!

 He started talking to me and telling me stories of his years on the job so I thought "What the hell lets see what he thinks of this"

His wife was shopping in the store I work at and when he was done asking me questions she returned to the counter and she asked him what was going on and he said " He knocked her down in the driveway"  Someone believed me. Knew I was telling the truth. Someone who had a huge amount of experience. I felt validated.

But it wasn't enough..so I underwent hypnosis and I wish I could afford more of it.

RE..people use different things to cope..drugs, alcohol, sex, food, exercise,retail therapy, any extreme of something whatever seems to work to get through the pain. I know I used alcohol for a while with other relationships that ended. I know I was trying to numb myself and it made me feel an attitude like "Who gives a $h!te? I don't need them"

I know I tried to address my pain through a drunken stupor to other friends. I'd wake up in the morning and not remember what I said. I think booze gets in the way of the brains being able to process what is being felt. At the same time it loosened those inhibitions to express myself. But still left me feeling something was unresolved.

We are all doing the best we can..and people do care RE.  Some times it doesn't feel like they do. Self destructive behavior isn't going to be the answer.

[ruggedendurance]

I'm sure you are aware that I have my own way of doing things.

The time I've spent on HS was therapeutic.    You've all been helpful and I think you are all good people.   

In spite of what I have said while drunk.........

I do feel that I've gotten my bearings straight.    I'm comfortable with the course I'm taking.

If I come up with anything that may be worth a $hit.   I'll fill you in.

Thanks for everything

[in it]

 

ok..see ya

[stayed]

Your own way is always the best! 

Until the next time...

hugs Stayed

[ruggedendurance]

Let's face it.  Cyber friends.

HS is cyber friends.

I learned something about me.

It doesn't matter to me.   What people think.

I can love you and be distant at the same time.   You don't have to share every emotion, thought that I have.

I'm separate....   My situation is different from yours because.

I actually value my take, on my situation, more than I value your take on my situation.

We can lose ourselves in this.  Don't lose yourself.

Make those f#ckers pay for what they did to us........

[ruggedendurance]

I made a move. Satan posted up. Looked me in the eye.
Satan backed down...
He is a liar and a coward
Satan is terrified of a drunk. Terrified of the weakest of us all.
firetruck him and the horse he rode in.........

[in it]

Yep tough day today..

[ruggedendurance]

none of you are individuals.

You are a product of this sight...

[stayed]

none of you are individuals.

You are a product of this sight...

You lash out at us, the way your WIFE lashes out at you!  Funny how often people do just exactly to others that have done them no harm, what is being done to themselves. 

Hope it makes you feel better dear ruggedendurance!  All of us have been where you are, most of us have done what we can to keep ourselves from where you choose to stay.  So lash away my friend.  Call us whatever you feel you must.  Happy Thanksgiving and best of the season to you. 

Hugs Stayed

[Dji76]

Ill call you out on this RE... Is this really the man you want to be? If so, awesome! If not, make some changes brother. How is staying angry serving you? Cuz your comments and attitude towards people here arent hurting anyone. What are you getting out of lashing out at the very community you turn to for support? You say "none of you are individuals"... People are our mirrors my man, you only recognize in others what you see in yourself. Time to focus on you bro.