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Author Topic: My Story Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2

G
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My Story Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#100: July 24, 2018, 12:41:07 PM

All the normal reasons plus...

I'd like to live alone and be your mistress.

You have Aspergers Syndrome.

You have no empathy (W is still clueless as to why people shun her).

I have to beg for sex. (Now that I would remember!)
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e
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#101: July 24, 2018, 12:47:20 PM
My ex h reasons.
 
I just don't love you like that.
You are to unorganized.
You are messy
You want everything perfect that I can't sit on my Couch.( Wait I thought I was messy )
I'm not domesticated any more. (Seroiusly !)
I have been a father and a husband my whole life now I want something different
You can't make me be a husband or a father. This is your home not mine. My heart is not in this house or with you. (Unforgivable)
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n
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#102: July 24, 2018, 12:47:43 PM
The only thing I didn't get was ILYBIMILWY.  After all was said and done he told me he loved me...even after BD #2. How am I supposed to take that?
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e
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#103: July 24, 2018, 12:58:11 PM
Wow. That is strange. Maybe he was able to be honest. Mine was not.
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#104: July 24, 2018, 01:00:00 PM
My husband told me he loved me for months after BD.

When he was leaving to move 14 hours away to be with OW I got a hug, kiss and I love you with tears and then jumped in a u haul and took off. 

He has continued to say I love you but I feel no passion for you.
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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW
9.4.18  Moved back-At Parents 
11.1.18  OW back.  H living w/her in D's basement 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.18 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced  that he moved to sisters
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hrs away 
Summer of 2020 Less help with chores
Early Spring 2021 - helping with chores again then stopped and is getting more distant gradually
9/21 distancing growing worse...hardly see or hear from H
4/22 getting in touch more but sporadically
e
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#105: July 24, 2018, 01:10:48 PM
My h after 34 years together, said he just stopped
Loving me. That was a shock to hear. It's been 3 years. I am not sure what I feel for him.
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B
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#106: July 24, 2018, 01:21:17 PM
Oh how I wish I could get just one ‘I love you’. At BD i got “I’ll always love you but can never see us being happy”. Since then he’s consistently maintained that he does not love me & I don’t love him. I had one look just before he moved out which will haunt me forever. It was a very pained look as if he really doesn’t want to hurt me but has no choice. Or maybe I misinterpreted it and it was really a look as if to say you’ve hurt me soo much- who knows. I’ve revently heard from the kids that he has been saying mean things about me to my sister in law (SIL that I never got on with) so double betrayal. So he’s really on a mission to convince everyone that he was right to leave me and he’s sooo happy with OW.

I do believe H is in MLC- all the signs are there. But the odd doubt creeps in. For months now I have seen no confusion. Just been purely consistent that I am the enemy & ow has saved him from his misery. He is in pure protection mode with her- not sure how a 50 year old woman who’s clearly been around the block needs protection  :o. His loyalty is completely misplaced & he truly believes I’m out to get him, take his kids away, play nasty games etc. I know I have a monster on my hands & I stay away as much as possible. That’s why I can’t add to the list of justifications- I don’t want to hear them. I’m sure if I communicated with monster I would hear some classics- just not strong enough!
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#107: July 24, 2018, 01:42:08 PM
Quote from: mitten on July 24, 2018, 01:21:17 PM
I had one look just before he moved out which will haunt me forever.

I got that look too! I was on my way out the door the day he was moving out.. I decided to go out as I didn't want to see him leave.. I said goodbye and when I turned around to close the door, there it was.. he looked sad, really really sad.. I don't think I misinterpreted it because it broke my heart so much that I turned around to give him a hug. He responded and kissed me on the cheek.. then I just left because I broke down in tears.. I will NEVER forget that look  :'(
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H - 47 (40 @BD1)
M - 47 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose)
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW - Oct 2019
H "finally" asks for divorce - Aug 2020
H marries OW - March 2021.. We are not divorced!
Divorced - Dec 7th 2022

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#108: July 24, 2018, 02:31:43 PM
Quote from: One day at a time on July 24, 2018, 01:42:08 PM
Quote from: mitten on July 24, 2018, 01:21:17 PM
I had one look just before he moved out which will haunt me forever.

I got that look too! I was on my way out the door the day he was moving out.. I decided to go out as I didn't want to see him leave.. I said goodbye and when I turned around to close the door, there it was.. he looked sad, really really sad.. I don't think I misinterpreted it because it broke my heart so much that I turned around to give him a hug. He responded and kissed me on the cheek.. then I just left because I broke down in tears.. I will NEVER forget that look  :'(

I got the same look. He had a high as he was taking stuff out of the house without telling any of us he was moving but then didn’t want to go that night even after I told him to go.  Had to stay the night 1 more time. Probably never ours have left but he had to pick her up from the mental hospital the next night. Never heard anything about love again from him. He has convinced our friends that our 20 year relationship was a huge mistake and that we never should have gotten married. That hurt a lot to hear this last weekend.
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M 40
H 41
He moved out May 21,2017
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved her in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
Ow moved out again Dec 2019 and is back with her husband Jan 2020
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S14 & D88
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- final hearing on our 20th anniversary (July 11,2018) divorce was final August 9, 2018

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10052.150
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#109: July 24, 2018, 02:34:03 PM
Good discussion,
Well on bd W stated she lost herself being a wife,mom.
W never loved me it was lust and is still very attracted to me. Huh
Trying to find herself she doesn't know what she sees in the mirror.

The list can go on. W said everything to me and kids But the most hurtful one. She never wanted to adopt our last 2 kids I made her love them when she didn't want to they ruined her life W stated.  :(  and worse part they heard W say all these horrible things. 
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At BD
Lesbian marriage
Me39,W36
S9,D9,S8 adopted all three
Together almost 10yrs
Bomb Drop - April 2017
W movedout - May,2017
OW  May orJune,2017 maybe even longer
Currently 2018
Me40, W38
S10,D10,S9
____________________________________________________
A  DAY AT  A TIME,  WITH GOD ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
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