[nah]

Hey, compare mine to whatever you want, when mine had his hand literally on the door knob, he turned to me and said, “I don’t love you.”  The words stung, but those eyes, I will never forget those cold black eyes. Thirty years with that man and had never once before saw his eyes look like that.

A few weeks later while I was talking to one of his coworkers, and his coworker used the term “shark eyes” for the way he looked at work.

So those eyes weren’t just reserved for me.

[Nas]

I read an article way back (and I believe probably posted it here at some point) about how depression shows in the eyes.  I'll see if I can find it later today.

[Disillusioned]

I got shark eyes too.  Dead.  Black.  Like staring into the cold void of space.  They continued for months.  I still see flashes occasionally, but they've pretty much gone away since I moved out 6 months ago.  It is a bizarre phenomenon and I even told her while it was occurring.  Disconcerting to say the least.  it's like the personification of hate is issuing forth from the windows of their soul.

[Anjae]

Good grief, megogirl, even if some MLCer are very, very, horrible, they are not Harvey Weinstein, an abuser and probable rapist.

I have a MLCer that has physically been violent towards me, not sexually, but he is not Harvey Weinstein.

I have no idea if rapist adopt shark eyes as well or if Harvey Weinstein was on drugs/alcohol or whatever, but he and our MLCers are not alike.

As, humans, our  pupils dilate when we are on a stage of rage. But that is not what MLCers shark eyes are. MLCers dead/shark eyes comes from depression, it is similar, if not the same, as the eyes of depressed people.

Never saw cold black eyes on Mr J. When he was physically violent his eyes were still normal. Later, they become the normal MLCer dead eyes. No spark, nothing, just dead.

I read an article way back (and I believe probably posted it here at some point) about how depression shows in the eyes.

Depression shows in the eyes, but it has nothing to do with the rage look.

Mods, can you merge this thread with https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8883.0 - The Eyes Have It Thank you.

[xyzcf]

Done Anjae...thank you for keeping us on track.

I think we need to be very careful NOT to brush every person, especially celebrities and rapists or other violent individuals, NOT to insinuate that they have MLC.

It is very commonly stated by LBSers that their MLCer have "shark eyes" or "dead eyes". I can see it especially in pictures I have taken of him, he may have a smile on his lips but his eyes are lifeless.

Our eyes don’t lie: they’re windows to the soul. They show the truth, no matter what face we put on, in any situation. The best way to get to know someone is to look them in the eyes and observe what they reveal about their emotional state.

Our eyes, just like our body language, give us away, and they say more than we ever could with words. As a matter of fact, most of the information we convey is through nonverbal language, which ranges from simple looks to all of the movements we make.
You can read the rest of the article at : https://exploringyourmind.com/eyes-windows-soul/

The therapy I have been receiving is focused on mind/body. My therapist can read even the smallest reaction, and when she makes me aware of these responses and specifically how to change the response to one that gets me out of flight/fight mode, I learn to control my nervous system.

The thing is, most of the time our bodies function in an automatic mode and we are not "aware" of what we are presenting to the world.

Again, photography shows me more clearly than anything how empty and lost my husband is. Pictures of our family are very telling as he stands like a block of ice away from us, really distant from the rest of us.

There are lots of other observations of physical changes that we see, many LBSers notice that their spouses have aged or look pale and pasty.

I agree, the severe depression that continues for them causes physical changes in their appearance as well and their eyes show it very clearly.

[megogirl]

Well, apparently I have the sickest, cruelest MLC'er ever, because I WOULD put him the same category as Harvey Weinstein!

Egomaniac, drunk with power, violent.  All of it rings true.

I thought that was just "Monster", rearing its ugly head.  Perhaps I have really been subjected to many years of abuse and just haven't realized it. (?!)

I have always felt like his property, and that he is somehow "superior" to me.

[MKnight10]

I don't just think its the eyes.

My wifes' facial expressions have also changed. When I look back at photos of happy family holidays from only a few years ago, the photos show a sparkle, a light, a glow in her that is no longer present. Her face is full of worry, thought, concern, anguish?

Its not a depression that stops her getting out of bed every day; I think its like Denjef describes....its an inner turmoil for which she cant explain or escape.

[Disillusioned]

My wifes' facial expressions have also changed. When I look back at photos of happy family holidays from only a few years ago, the photos show a sparkle, a light, a glow in her that is no longer present. Her face is full of worry, thought, concern, anguish?

The Christmas card from the year my STBXW says she "checked out" 2014, shows the exact same facial expression.  At the time I thought it was a horrible photo of her, and now I know I wasn't imagining things.  It truly is sad how all of us experience the same things and yet no one has this information in advance so that we can tell far in advance what is happening and perhaps divert it?  I don't know if that's even possible.  Like you, I am seeing a future that does not have my gas lighting, IMAX projecting, lying, manipulative, withholding, unrepentant STBXW in it, and despite the damage I believe it will do to my D, that future looks bright. 

[KeepItTogether]

My H had the most beautiful sparkling blue eyes prior to bd. At that time they turned into the quintessential  black shark eyes. And he could barely muster a half smile.  Strange enough, they do change back and forth. Maybe the eyes are like a mood ring of sorts.

[Bewildered survivor]

I barely look at my H at all now let alone into his eyes.  However when he was still in the house for 8 weeks after BD I noticed the dark, vacant soulless eyes to.  He has dark eyes so it’s difficult to see if they’ve got darker but the vacant, distant look is obvious.  His mum and sister also made reference to the soulless eyes.  This was when he was having to deal with their emotions...they didnt see the anger/monster eyes...they were reserved just for me.  His mum even said he looks like he possessed by a ghost...I agree that exactly how he looked.

I dont look at pics of H and OW or any recent pics of him but have been told by those that have seen them that he looks so checked out. 

Massive changes to facial expressions to.  He used to have a kind, placid, relaxed look and now he just looks manic and fake happy.  I cant even remember the old look anymore.

 Agree the shark eyes are depression and anger....or basically any change to emotional state .