[Shelly7435]

I'm a little late to the party.  Mine is also a Vanisher.  He sees D 4 days out of the month. We have NC about her.  No Co-parenting at all.

Nah: I agree with your analogy. They do know and can't face it.

[BrenM]

Do they know?  Yes they know.  The question is, are they strong enough to do something about it.

Probably not whilst in Mlc, they would much prefer to be cowards and run away.   

I don't understand why they continue time after time hurting and destroying their relationship with their children.  Do they have the mentality that children will forget incidences? Maybe like they have?  Sweep it under the carpet. Time will fix things? Or is this just plain zero empathy and lack of remorse traits that the MLCer has?

[Roma]

I feel they do know yet emotionally/ mentally they have regressed in age and really don't know what to do about it so they act like children which they are now. We are not dealing with the grown men we once knew, or thought we knew now.

This may be hard to hear yet if they are children and have  gone back in time in their mind, it would not be a stretch to say they really don't remember their children now either.

They are being forced to heal their childhood issues which they avoided their entire life which is why they have regressed.

[bluerose]

       My h was not talking to his father when he passed. They had not talked in years.  He got upset with his father some years ago on christmas. We wnt for a visit but had to leave before the 3rd or 4th wife's family got there. We were told this when we got there. The wife proceeded to show my 2 boys all the presents under the tree that were for the other kids. Nothing for ours. They were both under 5. My h has said before that it took him awhile to start talking to his father again after some issues growing up but he got over it. I restrained from reminding him that he wasnt even talking to his father when he died. Any way, he has taken this same attitude with his children. This for me is hard to understand. Why would you want to repeat the same thing your father did to you with your kids after knowing how it feels? I just dont get it.

[Roma]

Hi bluerose,

MLC is nothing purposely done. Your H is not doing this out of spite. He's being forced to do this. Please try to understand and try not to take it personally.

Try to look at MLC as a 'temporary' mental illness that lasts until all his childhood issues are finally resolved.

It's really best to keep your focus on you and your children. They need at least one mentally stable parent.

[bluerose]

     I dont take it personally anymore. I guess i was just trying to make a point about history repeating itself through this. The abandonment issues he had, probably dont realize, with his father he is doing with his own. He has been taking d12 every sunday for visitation for the last 2.5 months and he is reconnecting slowly with the boys.
       I just think its crazy thst you treat someone the exact same way someone treated and hurt you. You would think they wouldnt want to put their kids through that after knowing how it feels. I know its something they must do but this really does suck!!!

[sparklestar]

Elegance is that a proven thing though? That these MLCrs are reverting to childhood to fix and issue? I'm not sure there is much scientific/official backing of this theory? Could it not just be the case that some of these MLCrs just hit the 'I don't want to be old so I'm going to try and be young' or even just hit boredom? I know there are theories in to chemical and hormones imbalances much like at the teenager stage. I also have heard that the age mid life crisis occurs is actually a known developmental stage like mid/late twenties and the 6 stages of child development and that if a child doesn't transition through each development stage smoothly it will affect the next and so some issues can linger through to mid life....

[beyondblessed]

Elegance, what invisible force is it that's causing them to create so much destruction against their own wills?

[Roma]

Hi Sparclestar,

I can't give you anything more that has been given thankfully by RCR who has more detail and scientific things I've read on the subject.

HB has more on the 'children' topic. https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/sitemap/

It's unfair and devastating to us all more has not been done yet if you read other people's timelines you can see how 'script' MLC is and I really doubt people internationally know each other to say the same things and have the same things happen to them.

[nah]

You know... I didn't want to eat that last cookie....