[BrenM]

Of course consequences exist beyonddone...without doubt in the real world....not one person on this site would ever question or doubt  this......unfortunately the MLCer does not see it,or understand it. 

What we need to understand is that we are the strong ones.  With websites like HS and many others we have insight and understanding of the MLCer.  Read the numerous stories written by those who have experienced mlc firsthand....denjef is a recent example.  They all talk about the fog, this is such a common denominator with them all!  This journey is not about us, it is about them.  Every single MLCER has my full sympathy (in addition to all the LBS's and families naturally).  Mentally they cannot see what everyone else does, surely it must affect them....... they must feel lost and confused at times.  The mask does fall off!  They can't pretend in fantasy world forever. I guess this is what the cycling is, the highs and lows.  No one can hide from guilt.  In denial it will consume anyone.  You can't run or hide from it, it will forever fester until it is addressed.

It is only natural for us to be angry and bitter at the MLCer for what they have done to us. We most definitely have a right to!!!!  The gut wrenching hurt will last with us forever, but we need to forgive and understand to move forward.  Anger and bitterness does nobody and good.

What my exh has done to his 4 children will definitely affect their relationship forever (in one way or another...depending if the kids should ever forgive him...he has been absolutely cruel to his own kids).  He may have lost them forever!  My exh has lost his life, his loving wife and loving children.  He has lost respect from a lot of people for doing what he has done.    The ironic thing is that my old husband would never hurt anyone, let alone his kids.  It killed him to see them sick.  His daughter has not been to school for 15 months due to anxiety and depression, his autistic son is constantly acting up at school and home, our 2 eldest sons have had operations.....guess what he doesn't careless.  HE IS THE ONLY IMPORTANT PERSON IN HIS LIFE ATM.  It is this rapid metamorphis that I fully believe in the Mlc process.  The man in the body of my exh is not the man we know ATM....will he come through the fog or not that is the million dollar question....it is up to him....hopefully the love of his family will be an unbreakable strong force.......

[beyondblessed]

One problem with MLC is that their fantasy is just as real to them, as our reality is to us.  Without that fantasy, they would have nothing and they know it.  That's why they cling to it lime they do and why most will never leave that tunnel.  Living as if they are never coming back is the only recourse if you truly want to move forward and grow.

[BrenM]

One problem with MLC is that their fantasy is just as real to them, as our reality is to us.  Without that fantasy, they would have nothing and they know it.  That's why they cling to it lime they do and why most will never leave that tunnel. 

You can't live in fantasy land forever....reality will always come and bite you on the bottom sooner or later (let's hope a sharp deep bite lol).  Like Peter Pan, you have to grow up (or admit your age), you can't fight the ageing process.  The Peter Pan Syndrome, trying to find youthfulness.....it won't work! The OW in my case is starting to show her true colours to many.  Public lunatic outbursts etc.  She is as mixed up as what my exh is.  Fantasy land is starting to crumble.  Her fantasy of being one happy family will NEVER happen.  My kids have made that perfectly clear to their father.   I just sit back and watch..........

"Without rain nothing grows, learn to embrace the storms of your life."

If you care about someone, really care about them, remember it every day. Remember it on bad days especially. Remember it in fights. Remember it when you’re happy. Appreciate it. Love it. Be it. Live it. Feel it. Because you have no idea when it will be gone. There are only so many chances. And if you do forget and you do something stupid. You’d better fight for it. Fight as hard as you can. As hard as you can doesn’t mean until it is a detriment to you, but until you’re sure it won’t be. True love will always be true love and if you lose it, you’re going to regret it.....this is why I choose to stand at this time....i am not giving up just yet 😘😘😘

[sparklestar]

     Consequences? Does that word exist in mlc land?

I'm not sure that Some if not all MLCrs think about consequences they can't they haven't got the resources to. I believe (go and read barbie dolls thread for insight from her H) that they don't really think ahead at all. They don't think about cause and effect. It's momentary living and remember they forget a LOT.

[MsMedfly]

I do wonder if they ever face consequences.. So far, puffy has been living the dream... A sick, twisted, porn dream...but one with unlimited funds, no rules, responsibility,  just fun, fun, fun!!! Or at least it seems...

Which, of course, I do not care however, the pain that this has caused my son, just pisses me off! There is no other emotion to have than anger when it comes down to the damage these loons do to their own children. Vanish from my life, fine, I'm WAY BETTER OFF!! But our son??? Come on... That's just ridiculous... Even though my s is 21, the absence of his father over the past two years has really hurt him. And then puffy blames ME, for s not speaking to him?? What??

Delusional... and insane. That's the only thing I have at this point. I knew puffy and his family had issues, NOTHING like I discovered after we were married... If I had known, I would have never dated him, much less allowed him to adopt my infant son and marry him!! Hindsight is a crazy thing, isn't it!!!

[beyondblessed]

Rossbren, whether they choose to keep living the dream or not is irrelevant.  What is relevant is that many of them will remain stuck within this crisis for the rest of their lives.  There's no rule that says they have to finish what they start.  Just refer to the hundreds of threads on here saying as much.

[Roma]

Hi beyonddone,

There are many reasons why MLCers stay stuck in the tunnel. 1) Maybe they were unable to fully heal their childhood issues. 2) They were too severely damaged as a youth. Many other reasons why they just didn't have a successful MLC.

There are many factors to consider yet I choose not to contribute to be part of his demise, if I have anything to do with it.The other day my H said to me in a moment of clarity, 'please just keep loving me'. So I will, and won't turn my back on him.

Plus, I see no reason to compare my H to others,  because although we see similarities, the root cause of each MLC is unique to the MLCer which may determine the length of each individual MLC.

[Shocked]

I have a vanisher. BD was 12/15. He's one big it's all about me party. I have thinking based on things I read here that he is in Replay. That he would go intbthe next phase sometime after 18 months. Do the steps not happen the same way for the vanisher?

[Roma]

Hi Shocked!

I would assume yes the same steps are for both vanishers and clinging boomerangs or clingers.

We started HS about the same time yet my H has been in MLC for a very long time, I just didn't know it.

[Savoir Faire]

The steps are the same for all but the intensity and duration of each step are different for each MLCer and the reasons for not contacting will vary.  Some due to guilt, others to depression and some because they actually think they have moved on and don't want to contact the LBS.  they do tell themselves a lot of lies about us in order to to condone their behavior.

With a true vanisher you will not know where they live or if they are still alive.  Real vanishers are rare.  Most are more on and off, even if we don't hear from them for a year or two, any contact if still contact and they are not a vanisher.

I call mine a vanisher but he sent me mail a few months ago so technically he's on and off, more of a boomerang whose contact is very rare but I bet he knows exactly what I'm doing