[MsMedfly]

Puffy is a total vanisher... And I'm so very grateful!!! 

At first, he wouldn't leave me alone, monster was everyday, then he would ignore me when things with the divorce needed to be addressed.  Playing games... I simply quit playing. I only had contact through my attorney. The last time I spoke to him, I refused to let him verbally assault me, yet again, and I blocked him permanently!! That was January of 2016...

Today I'm celebrating 15 months of peace and quiet!!! 17th wedding anniversary would've been the 10th, 2nd bd anniversary is 9 days later, followed by the 29th which I'll be finishing my first full year of being divorced!!

My best friend has a clinger and minor children... No way.. Couldn't handle it!! I'd be in prison or dead!!!

The narcassistic nature of puffy, well, the old puffy, would be stalking me everywhere!!! He does have the means, he's law enforcement. I'm not completly sure that he doesn't spy, somehow, someway. I don't underestimate him, that would just be stupid on my part. However, is not something I think about anymore either. If he chooses to use his power and position to snoop,  thus endangering his precious career, that's his choice... However, I choose to live my life, regardless of who is watching. I have nothing to hide and won't.

My beautiful life, flaws and all, are worth sharing. I do get the hint that a former mutual friend is somewhat put up to contacting me. It's sporadic and seems to only occur after happy hour with a group that we all were like family... It's so far and few between that I rarely see them but the most recent surely sent up flares... This "friend" texted 5 days later...

I only hear gossip and it only makes me laugh... It's all the ridiculous behavior of senior puffy!! He's like a damn cartoon!!!

Either way, I'm just grateful to be done.. And you are so right, it is, what it is!!!
.

Hugs and kisses y'all!!

[sparklestar]

Oh I also forgot to mention that despite my H being a vanisher when I saw him the once 5 months after he had left he seemed to know what I had been doing and he can only know that via social media so interesting that its mentioned here a that they do keep an eye on you and what you are doing.

I wonder if Vanishers are the more likely ones to have covert depression and so again their checking up on us is more covert?  Maybe this is the theme - very little emotion displayed, its all inside type thing?

My H also met my friend in secret about 2 months after BD and said how he had firetrucked his life up, and asked if I missed him, had I moved on etc and sobbed when my friend said that of course I missed him. Was clearly cycling. So I think the vanishers do have similar cycling to other MLCrs but we just don't see it.

It's also harder for us to work out what phase they are in etc when we don't see them.  I only get the odd glimpse here and there and what I see looks like full on replay to me. Though at times it's like he's just living a normal life - that's until you see the evidence of ridiculous behaviour like videos of rapping in the car.

I would wonder though because they are so detached, if they do finally start to emerge from the fog, would the level of detachment almost have protected them from the nonsense so they almost feel ok to come knocking on the door because perhaps they haven't quite been attached to reality?

I think we have a whole heap of emotion and confusion to go through in the earlier months because its full on abandonment.  Its incredibly painful and no one understands. I've lost count of the dumbfounded expression on peoples faces when I tell them about the vanishing.
 
And so its a constant guessing game, with no clue as to what might happen next. I guess only time will tell how our stories go.

[beyondblessed]

Why does my xh stalk me??  Because he's drawn to my life and my business like a moth to a flame.  And also, because it is simply none of his damn business.  His whole family has always had nose problems....i.e., that of sticking them in everyone else's business.  I never did get that whole dysfunction with them, but hey, be my guest.  I got nothing to hide.  But, xh should be forewarned, my life is not the basket of dread and anxiety it was when I was married to him.  I turned that runaway train around the moment he put in print that our marriage was irretrievably broken.  Now I am in a place of pure strength and will....determined to make the rest of my life the best of my life.  I may have bent at first, but he never came close to breaking me.  So he can stalk away, while I smile and grow.

[Roma]

Hi beyonddone,

Could he 'stalk' you because he misses you?

[beyondblessed]

Hi, Elegance.....I don't know whether he misses me or not, nor do I really care.  I really think it has more to do with him wanting to know that I really couldn't possibly be happy and live without him.  Sorry to say, I am happy and I am doing awesome.  There are times when I feel myself cycling towards his pity party, but I just keep reminding myself of what life with him the last few years was like....and the fact that he turned his bad behavior those years on me at BD, and that puts me right back on a track leading to calm and peace.  The best I can do for him now is wish him the same, but that has to come from him, not me.

[BrenM]

Hi beyonddone,

Could he 'stalk' you because he misses you?

I think this is definitely a BIG FAT YES...they do this in private when they are by themselves, with their masks off.  Exactly what we do......Why?  Sure there is curiousity, but also the caring and love  factor plays an important  role.

[beyondblessed]

If he misses anything, I think it's the control he lost of me and my feelings for him.  Consequences.

[bluerose]

     Consequences? Does that word exist in mlc land?

[BrenM]

     Consequences? Does that word exist in mlc land?

Definitely not....along with Responsibility, Reality, Truth, Love, Remorse and accountability!   Nothing is their fault....always everyone else's fault.....it is all apart of the job description of a MLCer. 

[beyondblessed]

Of course consequences exist....it's just that they choose not to acknowledge them.  He lost a good, strong, honest woman.  That is a fact.  Whether he chooses to acknowledge it, well, that's a different matter entirely.