[stillbaffled]

But if nobody comes back, they aren't in a MLC.. right? They're a WAS. Or they bounced around for a while and went to another track.

Can you clarify what you mean here, gman?  Are you suggesting that if someone doesn't come back to the marriage/relationship that they didn't have a MLC?  That if they don't return, then they are simply walkaway spouses?  I'm not sure I'm interpreting correctly what you mean by the above statement. 

[Medusa]

Gman, that are plenty of reasons that an MLCer might not come back. They might decide they are happier with OP, but that doesn't make them a WAS. They may believe the former spouse won't take them back, so they settle. Or some of them never make it through the tunnel.

There are no easy answers to reconciliation except do the mirror work and live your life as though she isn't coming back.

[gman242]

I was just arguing semantics and asking about an observation I made across forums really.

There was no "asking for a friend" implied  I've been doing a hell of a lot mirror work and living like she isn't coming back..

[Keep believing]

Thunder. Any luck in finding that article?

[Thunder]

Actually Kb, I lost a lot of articles I had saved.  I went into a different address I used a few years ago to retrieve them and because I hadn't used the account for so long they archived them.  I was so mad because I had tons of them.  Ugh!

I'm sorry, I only have about 6 that he wrote about male (I think) MLC.

I'll PM one to you and see if it's useful.

I am beyond upset!  : (

[Enyo]

OK, I haven't updated my thread for a few months but I have been reading and lurking here every day.

Just need a bit of advise today.  H had sent S24 rail tickets to the town where he now lives so that S24 could go down and they were going  to have a lads day driving racing cars.  H sent S24 a text asking if he had got the tickets then immediately sent another text that was obviously meant for another woman.  Hey Gorgeous, lots of kissing and love you at the end.  School boy error on Hs part 

BD was 20 months ago, he lived at home for the first 8 months then moved into our flat locally after 8 months he sold the flat and moved 200 miles away near his family so and I quote 'I can start a new life with a new social life'.  Up until now I believe the alternator was work and exercise, but he was having a EA with an ex married friend at BD, not sure if or how long this continued, since moving he has joined a Military Fitness group and attends often, he is still exercising excessively.

S24 refused to use the rail tickets today, though he didn't tell me why, he told H that he didn't want anything to do with him until he came clean with me, H at first blamed 'a friend' for sending the text on Hs phone my mistake.  (How teenage can you get this man is the VP of a company FFS).  H is driving up to speak to me now, he should be here in around an hour.  How do I handle this,  I have come a long way since I last updated my thread (will update it tonight) I have detached, I don't pursue or initiate contact (haven't for around 7 months now) but he finds a reason to contact me every couple of weeks.  I am polite and friendly, don't ask about his life. 

I am hoping I can hold it together and just say keep it light.  I don't know how long this has been going on but he only moved 12 weeks ago and had no ties to that area before.  He told S24 that it was casual but you don't end text to a casual friend with I love you.

Any advise?

 

[Thunder]

Oh wow Enyo, no I sure don't.

Do you know why he is coming?
I guess just do what you have been doing.  Stay detached and just listen to what he has to say.

I wish you luck!
Let us know how it goes.

Hugs, stay strong.

[Shocked]

It sounds to me the EA or PA has been going on a long time. These guys are great at hiding and lying. If you H wants a R with S24 he was told he has to come clean with you. Really what good does coming clean with you do for you? I think your S24 was being an upstanding young man. Good for him. But I wouldn't get you hopes up. I think if he's just coming to confess it still leaves you in the same place with a cheating MCLer!

[Enyo]

Thunder and Shocked thanks for the replies.

At BD I was sure that H was having an EA with my ex training partner/married (ex) friend who also over the 12 months before BD became his training partner.  I knew that they were developing an emotional connection as he disconnected with me but he has always adamantly denied it saying 'we were just friends'.

So he was here around 4 hours, before he came he spoke to S26 and got him to promise not to show me the text, which by that time he already had, so I didn't let on I had seen it.  The text read like he was very emotionally involved with this women, it wished her a safe journey from her travels and asked that she let him know she had arrived safely it also said 'will catch you tonight for our goodnight beautiful, Love you' H admitted to seeing someone but, as he thinks that I haven't seen the text, said it was just casual and they had only ever met in a group with the rest of the fitness group.  After reading the text this is obviously a lie but I didn't call him on it.

We had a really good talk and he finally admitted that he had been having an EA affair with the training partner at BD and that the feelings were reciprocated by her.  He also admitted that they still talk 'occasionally' on the phone.  I know that I am assuming here but I think that this EA (maybe physical?) is still ongoing and this is who the text was to.  She is married to a man 17 years older than her, my H is 15 years older, and has two teenage boys, her H is seriously loaded and I think she is mercenary enough not to leave him, he bank rolls her hobby/business.  I also know that flirting and reeling men in is a sort of hobby for her, she can't seem to help herself! so she could be doing this with half a dozen men!

All in all I feel that the gas lighting is over, I knew all along who he was seeing and this confirmation, even if she may not the current women, actually feels like a weight has been lifted off me.     

I feel that I conducted myself with dignity and poise, I was calm and even got in a few truth darts.  I also think that at the end of the day I am definitely be the better option, lets hope that I am still standing when/if he comes out of this.

Will update my thread with our conversation, which was enlightening, in the morning.  Thanks for the advice. x

[Shocked]

I'm glad you feel good about it Enyo! I hope those feelings continue for you!!