[bluerose]

        It makes me sick too. A whole life together and he acts like it never happened. He told me in august thatvthey both had regrets. How can those feelings just disappear?

[bluerose]

       Does anyone think it was wrong of him to tell a 12 year old girl that?

[spock]

Since November he had made more contact (every 2 weeks -prior I purposely left him to contact me and we went months ) he still out of the blue signed the consent order (financials) February 10th , despite telling me on 14th I was his valentine!!

Almost 10 months since separation.. He sent me a kissing love emoji on Valentine's day too 
He asked me to attend his family function recently (his father's funeral) and texts about random/weird things that doesn't make any sense at all. Things that he can figure out himself or by just googling

Not sure if he's got OW, but he has been using Tinder (possibly sleeping around) and glued to his phone even more these days. I'm trying to go dark and not initiating contact, 9 out of 10 would be him initiating contact. Plus he has been doing nice things he wouldn't be doing when we were together.. But trying not to read too much into it.

[1trouble]

Plus he has been doing nice things he wouldn't be doing when we were together.. But trying not to read too much into it.

Spock

The whole point of my post is to show that you cant read anything into what they do....
Yes there are tiny signs but unless there is a consistent approach of actions NOT just words then all it is, sadly is cycling...

I would love to give you the benefit of my experience to save you some pain, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that and you will have to learn as you go through this process to guard your own heart....mine has taken an enormous beating over the last two years......BUT I believe in the H I knew and I believe that person is in there somewhere and I have seen that person pop up from time to time...

I cannot help my H any more than you can help yours but at this stage all I would say is be a friend when he needs one and don't contact him, unless you have to......

And you seem to be doing all the right things so i wish you luck xx

[LBMIKE]

Hi 1Trouble,

I(45) too am in the middle of a D with my MLC W(46). I also thought of slowing down the D but also realized that I can't and it will not help anything. I also learned that I can't believe anything she says. She was all nice and sweet, telling me we can do this with out lawyers then she files and I get hit with Temp Orders, have to be in court in 2 weeks. My lawyer was shocked and said this was well planned out. She was trying to keep me off balance and play to my emotional side. We had our court date, I stood strong and she was shocked, off balance and wouldn't answer any of my counter questions and started to break her fake appearance in court. Even her lawyer(woman), who was suppose to be a hard a$$, actually had to tell her to cool off. She even started to pi$$ off her lawyer.

Funny part, she couldn't make a decision on her own until whom ever was on the other side of her nonstop texts that was advising her, told her to do so. She would even try and go back and change her original decision on something.


I believe trying to slow down the D only gives them more justification for it. So, proceed standing strong and protect yourself.

Is anyone on this post dealing with kids that are really starting to melt down because of D talk from MLCer?

[maomina]

Is anyone on this post dealing with kids that are really starting to melt down because of D talk from MLCer?

Hi LBMIKE my d9 went through a very rough time when ex left and him coming in and out of her life made it worse especially after ex had baby with ow , we came to a point were i had to totally cut of in order for her to re cooperate.......I have noticed how bad she gets when she is in contact with him and how much better she becomes when we r nc .....it was a harsh decision but to me her mental and emotional state is more important right now !!!

My question is ....why do they withhold child support even though there is a court order ?

[What now]

My question is ....why do they withhold child support even though there is a court order ?

Control? Even if there is a court order. To push boundaries? Like a sulky teenager who stays out past curfew knowing there are consequences because they know better than the rest of the world. Probably thinks he can get away with it and you will give him chance after chance.

I doubt they even think about it. It might be just a way of trying to hurt you or get back at you. My MLCer pays late or has to be reminded to pay to punish me when ive done something he doesn't like.

[maomina]

Yes when he used to pay (he only paid 9 times in nearly 4 yrs ) he used to pay late, now even though the magistrate issued a mandate for his arrest and he was also ordered to pay all arrears till oct by another magistrate  he went back to not paying and into vanishing mode . My parents say it s cause he could not care less about the kids and a friend says it s defiance .
 It s true i did give him alot of chances but now that i put my foot down he still seems to get away with it ....

[lawprofessor]

Because they want no responsibilities.  Nothing applies to them.  They are special.  They think they carried us all through the marriage so now its our turn.  Because they have gotten away with disrespectful behavior to us and think they always can.  They believe they have control. 
Vanishers want no chains from the past, no reminders of who they once were.  It interferes with the new persona they have adopted.  Fatherhood and child support don't fit anymore so they shed it like a snake sheds their skin.  Just like they do the things they left in the house when they ran away. 

J thought his ex was all about money so it was his way of punishing her.  He wanted to force her to get a job.  Instead I had him extradited back here from several states away.  He sat in jail until the hearing.  He was assessed a fine of double what he was behind, interest, plus $10k for wilful disobedience.  He still thought he could get that written off.  Its now several years after his youngest turned 18.  He is still paying and will be paying for another 4 years.  No sportsman privileges.  No driving privileges.  Just a weekly garnishment to look forward to.  Not so special now.  But he never misses a payment.  Love begins with respect not paving the way.
Lp

[LBMIKE]

Thanks Maomina,

I told the W about the melt downs and that I was going to discuss with kids therapist. She was like, great, let me know. No concern about what was happening or what to do about it.

Now, my W's is mad that she is not welcomed at my family holiday gatherings??? She is the one who started an affair, BD me and drove me to the point of leaving, so the kids would have some peace. Really, do they think they can sit down at the table like everything is great???