OK Ross and the rest,
I will try and keep it short but if not don't complain about the length.
1980 My mum had an affair with her coworker (pretty pathetic she sawing teacher OM teacher in wood/metal classes). I was sent to the US?! during the first "turmoil period". When I returned to my country "their" divorce battle and custody battle over me started. My father was severely depressed (I didn't know what this was but he was MORE than "bat-sh*t-crazy". Tried to strangle my mother one time, cut the tires on her car, tried to hang himself (ended up in a mental hospital for a period of time) autumn 1980 was the last time I saw him. He turned to alcohol during this time, acted out with lots and lots of women, even became not "appropriate" sexual towards me in different ways.
1985 or 86, He reached out and wanted to meet me and my now xh. I met husband -83, my mums "affair-relationship" ended -83 or -84. We was invited to his apt. but the whole situation felt really awkward. I have been carrying a memory about that meeting that he treated me as I was still 16 and when I have told people about this meeting I have always returned to how strange it was that he did not see me as a 21 or 22 year old. I only meet with him a couple of times cause he was so ego-centric and the "relationship" he wanted was so "one-sided". No remorse, no nothing. I don't know the number of women he have had during this period but A LOT.
After this short period I didn't (my husband supported me) want anything to do with him. I got 2 older brothers and their relationship with him was also sporadic a little bit more/better when my brothers got kids. My father never meet my kids. In the middle of the 90th he shoot one woman, who wanted to leave him, with an air gun. Spent some time in jail. During this time he sent some letters to me, with money to buy my kids presents. What I remember was that even if he was convicted for this crime, sat in jail, it was still the woman's fault for wanting to leave him.
He died -06 or -07, alone, woman #38 or #68 don't know was also gone. During all these years from -85/86 until -06/07 he "hoovered", tried to contact, did call (I hung up) once every 5 years or so. In the end he used his money and summer house to try to bribe us children. If we (children) only came we would get this or that. Still never left the "tunnel" or had an awakening, this is my interpretation maybe he had but I'm not an psychiatrist. Never any "shown" remorse.
Another interesting part is that 3 years ago my oldest son meet his gf. I'm very close now to her parents and grandparents. About 2 years ago her grandparent asked me if I knew a couple by the name of XX. I remember the names from my childhood but I have not meet with these people in 40 years or so. Any way, this couple when they heard that the grandparents grand daughter was living with my son, they know a lot about my son, that I was his mother and that my father was his grandparent. They had full knowledge of all my sons sport achievements etc. So my father did during the rest of his life, "stalk" me/our family/my kids without us knowing and talked at least to this couple about us.
Conclusion, I think in some way he regretted what he had "done" and in some way not, maybe it was pride or shame or I don't know. My mum did apologize (10 years or so after her affair) half hearted, that she "screwed" up my teenage years. She has not in actions shown this in any way, only words. She is now a bitter, narcissistic old woman, not much friends. I think she had one short relationship after her affair in -84/85 but (what I know of) no other man after that. She was the one who got dumped from the OM.
So sorry for the loooong vanishing story of my father.
Hugs
Anyone else have a vanisher? 2
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