[How long since bomb drop?]

How long since bomb drop?

0 to 1 years

32 (36.4%)

1 to 2 years

32 (36.4%)

2 to 3 years

16 (18.2%)

3 to 4 years

5 (5.7%)

4+ years

3 (3.4%)

Total Members Voted: 86

[BonBon]

Subtle changes in early fall of 2008.
Extremely noticeable in April, 2009 (happy almost anniversary NOT).
Bomb Drop in July, 2009.

So to be precise, BD was not quite 2 years ago BUT
MLC was certainly in the works 2.5 years ago at least.

No wonder we're all tired.  Can you imagine being in a "mood" that long?

[LoveMeMyself]

For my exH the two years would have been about a year after the death of his mother.  Then in the 6 months prior to BD was at the same time he retired and changed jobs..........very disappointed and totally unhappy with the new job.........then the OW started "playing" with him a month or two prior to BD.........this is when he went FULL BLOWN in MLC.  I'm exhausted just thinking about it all over again.

[In this for ME]

I'm pretty sure his started when his father died 10 years ago. Just too may signs of things through out that time I've thought about. Of couse the last couple of years have been hidden by the depression.

[Dontgiveup]

I'm just double checking for myself.....

Bomb drop is when the MLCer first lets the LBS know that they have the desire to leave the marital relationship......am I correct on that?

[LoveMeMyself]

Yes, DGU.  That's the "I love you but not in love with you speech".........or whatever else they might say.

[Hopeful]

I guess I should have picked 1 to 2 years, but I went ahead a picked 2 to 3 years.   I confronted her on March 14, 2009, she flew home to tell her mother she wanted a divorce from me on March 21, 2009, and she dropped the bomb on March 28th, 2009.  She flew back home from her mother's on the 28th, and my boys and I picked her up at the airport that morning.  I had a nice bouquet of flowers that I bought her, because I knew she was depressed.  I knew something was wrong as soon as we met her, because she barely gave me a hug, and she looked like she wanted to cry but she didn't.  We drove the 1 and a half hours home, and she didn't hardly say a word to the boys and me.  When we got home she said she needed to talk to me.  So we sat at our dining room table and she told me what I thought I would never ever hear from the person I love so much with my two boys listening in.

It all seems so long ago, and I have put it behind me.  Though it was the most painful thing that the boys and I have ever endured, I can now say that it was a learning experience.  I'm fine, and I'll continue to be fine, but the whole episode was extremely traumatic for my boys, and the effects has only begun to show up it the last few months.   I pray, and I hope that my boys do not fall into the cauldron of depression that my wife has gotten herself into. 

I know everyone here can relate to what I'm saying!

[StandandDeliver]

Just curious really cos I guess in the long term it doesn't really matter, but I just don't know when BD was? Was it when I discovered the affair? I asked him then if he was leaving me and he said "i am so sorry", but then he didn't leave for another month during which he cycled back and forth about what he wanted (but more towards her). I got a version of ILBINILW speech about 3 weeks later (I love you, but i don't know how I love you) and then after writing out a list comparing me and ow (yes, I was one long list of negatives, she was pretty much summed up in one word: perfect) I told him I couldnt take it anymore and asked to separate. He left the next day. When was BD???  I feel like it was the day that I found out about the affair and he said (in not so many words) that he was leaving. Or am I wrong?

As with all things MLC, there is probably only a very confusing mixed up answer to this question!

[Dontgiveup]

Yes, bomb drop in your case sounds like when you discovered the affair.  There is a blog about Bomb Drop in the blog link from RCR on June 29.  Here is the first part of it.

In some cases of MLC Bomb Drop is the discovery or disclosure of an affair. But there are many MLC cases where the affair remains hidden or has not yet begun. In such circumstances the spouse has the opportunity to emotionally prepare for infidelity which is recognized as a symptom of something bigger.
How do you chronologically identify Bomb Drop? Bomb Drop is the moment you learn there is a serious problem in your marriage threatening its destruction. I measure Bomb Drop from the time the MLCer verbally or actively seeks to escape you and the marriage–regardless of legal action.

[LisaLives]

I guess yours is a little weird, but for me it would have been the discovery of the affair.  Because that would have been the day that I knew that my marriage as I knew it was over.  For me it was the day he told me, January 16, 2010, besides my kids birthdays, the one day I'll probably never forget.  When you found out about the affair, didn't you feel like a bomb just dropped? 

[Rollercoasterider]

Okay,still having connection problems and lost my post.

DGU is correct. Your Bomb Drop was when you discovered the affair because that initiated his cycling behaviors--since the affair was no longer secret. It put him into Escape and Avoid mode whether he was able to verbalize it or not. So he may not have said the words for a few more weeks, but the unstable behavior was there.

Now I'm going to make a copy of this in case I have connection problems again. UGH