[Thunder]

Elegance, that wasn't my opinion, it was RCR's.  She gives good reasons for why.

Guess we all can read it and decide for ourselves.   

[Roma]

Thunder my opinion was also RCR's until she changed hers. I feel, well me at least the LBS SHOULD take initial time for themselves to regain their balance emotionally after BD and to read very thoroughly, everywhere for them to have an informed opinion.

Also, if there is an OP NC can be used as a consequence if the cake eating continues after a boundary was set and broken as an advanced tool pending on the sitch of course.

There are other boundaries that can be used first. Yet if a LBS sees no other way and has no other choice, I say do it!

I would steer clear of telling anyone what to do in their sitch.

That is how I saw RCR articles when I first joined and used NC accordingly. I found it very helpful and still use NC from time to time.

 

[Thunder]

I understand.

I read it so many years ago and had no idea it changed.  What I read was NC is not useful in the beginning, but can be used later on.
I think one reason was the newbie isn't strong enough yet to go NC and stick with it, plus it is a time of Paving the Way before the MLCer gets too far into their tunnel.

I'll go reread it.   

[Roma]

There is a whole lot more now written that confused me yet last December when I first joined, that is what it said to do.

I was so lost and confused after BD yet so grateful to use it to finally focus on ME instead. It worked. I felt like I had no other choice. Remember when I first joined, it was because I thought my H wanted two wives. NC was the way to go for me or I would have ended up in an insane asylum without it!

[Jaybeecee]

I think it depends on what you believe to be cake eating.  To me, if he is not living in my house, not getting ML from me, getting none of the emotional contact and/or support of being spouses, he is not cake eating. 

[Roma]

Right Jay, it all depends how what the LBS can tolerate. I would have lost my mind w/ out No Contact or Not To Contact me boundary yet that is ME.

It's all subjective. I was certainly not thinking of paving the way or anything like that. I needed a break to understand WTH was going on and to catch my breath and to talk myself out of suicide to tell the truth.

[OldPilot]

Here is a list for the blog articles.

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/archives/

We are posting one every day on facebook
https://www.facebook.com/theherosspouse/

after we get through those we will start over on the articles again.



Edit - Threads merged

[heroIam]

Can someone tell me recommendations for my case example, when contact may be construed as 'pursuit'.  Even though contact is light and related to business - nothing personal.

How do you best maintain any contact with a 'vanisher' that rarely if ever contacts, and if does, it's short and usually business related?

[OldPilot]

How do you best maintain any contact with a 'vanisher' that rarely if ever contacts, and if does, it's short and usually business related?

Why do you NEED to have contact?

[Slow Fade]

I agree with OP.......