[nah]

hmmmm.... I would be so very curious as to what he has to say.

If your son lives with puffy why would you have more information than him?

Sometimes I liked to see The Leaver face to face b/c it happens so rarely.  When we do meet, except for the really early days, I always have the upper hand.  If he says anything remotely ridiculous (which of course he does) I just give him the "tilt head like a confused puppy look" and he often backtracks. 

The benefit of having a 30 years relationship is we can talk without always saying words.  He knows what my expressions mean.  I always did way better with him face-to-face as opposed to messages or even phone calls (which has happened maybe 5-6 times in almost five years).

Maybe that's just us, IDK, anybody else have these kind of interactions?

[stillbaffled]

My last face to face with MLCer was in August in the prestigious pole shed on MY property!  I owned that conversation.  He got schooled. 

Of course there had only been two prior face to face convos during the previous 18 months where I worked hard to just keep my composure and not literally have a melt down. 

I have more to look forward to because, of course, his "stuff" and his pole shed are still with me.  He's probably really looking forward to it. 

[monty]

My last face to face was because he had too in 2017 when my son had his car accident, hadn’t seen him before that since 2014 , no contact at all unless it’s a text through his children,he has vanished from me and me only ,, as he says it is me he left ,

[monty]

Christyaa hope your ok , I’m listening

[nah]

I noticed when I do have face-to-face interactions with The Leaver, he is not as much as a "tough-guy" as he is with messages and phone calls.  IDK, maybe b/c he can't run and hide while I'm standing in front of him, maybe b/c he can't consult his controlling girl as to what he is allowed to say, who knows but I know it's not just my imagination.

Even early on, my lawyer noticed it.  My lawyer noticed our interactions and used his weakness during our face-to-face meetings as a tactic.  Face-to-Face meetings, I negotiated with the Leaver while my lawyer distracted his lawyer, and I ALWAYS got him to cave.  Sometimes his lawyer would scurry him away into another room and they would come back with The Leaver's head down and his lawyer would try to retract our agreement..... then I would get in BOTH of their faces (shocking, I know...lol) and I would win again.  The Leaver actually yelled at his OWN lawyer when I gave him that disappointed mom face. 

My lawyer actually whispered to me once that she wanted to high-five me but would wait until they couldn't see.

Maybe that's why many of our MLCers are vanishers.  They are weak and they know they are weak.  They are actually afraid of us b/c they are aware that we know their true selves.  They can't hold their mask on very long when we are around and that's exactly what they are trying to hide from,.... themselves. 

[MsMedfly]

Nah, I think you are right... they are weak, can't hide it from us, and then chose to act like a small child and hide.

What really makes me angry... I've been nothing but kind, nice, etc to puffy... He's a d&*k all the time.. but behind my back, talks about how awful I am, what a bi%&ch I am, how terrible it is when he has to speak / make contact with me....

I'm seriously nothing but the kind, pleasant, positive person I've always been.. Mr. Negative hateful has to make it nasty.... and point the finger at me.. WHY??? I don't get it.. He is the one that lied, cheated, left, and divorced me... so why does he continue to treat me, like I "did" this to him???  I know he's miserable, I know he's depressed but continuing to blame me for it?? What a weirdo!!

I just don't get it....

[nah]

MLC 101.

They feel guilty so they project their guilt and anger onto us because they can't handle what they have done.

So pathetic.

[bluerose]

     MsMedfly,
             The coward still does the blame thing to me. I am at the 3 year mark now since bd. I have no contact with him. No text. No calls. Nothing. In court documents that i recieved recently, it is still all my fault. I strongly believe that it doesnt matter how nice or not you are to them, until they face what they have done it will be our faults.
     
       Nah,
          What you said is the truth. I dont believe that the person they were , that still might be in there somewhere, can handle what the new person they have become has done.

[nah]

Well, after he left I made some really poor decisions myself.  I would rather forget it all happened but it does seep into my thoughts,... "I can't believe I did that.,... I can't believe I behaved that way,... I can't believe I hurt that person" and these were acquaintances not a spouse of three decades.  I can't imagine the guilt if these men were loyal spouses and the other parent of my children.

No wonder they want to run away, try to forget, or even try to point their fingers at anybody but themselves.

These vanishers aren't unique, they all behave very similar.  Sure some monster and some don't, some completely disappear and some poke their heads out now and again only to disappear again, but they are all very similar. 

Many MLCers will show anger b/c as little boys anger it  the only emotion they know how to express. 

I was one of the lucky (??) ones that had her spouse open up for a short time.  No, he is not happy, Yes he thinks of me and the life we use to have "Every fire trucking day".  He is such a mess he becomes physically sick every single morning.  He looks in the mirror and feels like he is living someone else's life.  That last sentence, I believe, is how most of them feel.  The Leaver married the girl just two months after he said those words to me.  Why?  He made his bed, she runs the show and he's too emotionally weak to do anything but watch the mess he created.


For those of you who might be wondering,... I 100% believed him.  I lived with this man for 30 years and he often had stomach issues when he was a little stressed-out (and my daughter did too, she threw up for years every school morning), so I don't think he was exaggerating.  I really believe he not only threw up but most likely spent his entire wedding day sitting on the toilet... lol

[bluerose]

    I think it would help my healing alot to hear the coward say that to me.