[Shocked]

Nas, I don’t know what to say to help you. I agree a lot with Nah. I can’t imagine your hurt and pain in dealing with MLC and poor health! I am sorry. You seem very brave to me. I am sending the warmest thoughts and a big hug!!! Please keep trying to preserve!!!

[heroIam]

For what it's worth to you, I also agree with Nah and the rest.  They are spot on.
And I'll say this again....."You have to be your own hero because everyone is busy trying to save themselves."
It is what it is with your H. 
You are always in my thoughts and sending big hugs.   

[Nas]

Thanks, everyone.  You made me feel better.  It just sucks feeling like I'm stuck in place because I can't do anything but deal with treatment.
I've been in treatment for so long now and feel like crap all the time and because of treatment, I can't move ahead, through no fault of my own.  

Getting cancer in the midst of all this was a huge punch in the gut.  Everything in my life stopped in its tracks.  I had to move out of my beautiful new apartment and back in with my brother.  I was self-employed and lost most of my accounts because I wasn't available.  Now for all intents and purposes, I'm unemployed.  I went all the way back to square one.

I think I've also been set back by having to really come to terms with the fact that he truly has screwed me financially and there's not a damn thing I can do about it because I don't have the money to fight him.  I had faith for a long time that he would eventually follow through on the financial agreement and little by little that faith was chipped away at, and now that he's changed his phone number and really disappeared, that faith is completely destroyed.

As time has gone on, he's gotten much worse and little by little, his capacity for human decency has eroded.  

I don't know how any person with a soul could live with the guilt of what he's done without completely falling apart.  He has to be some kind of sociopath now to get up every day and live his life as if he's done nothing wrong.  

[Mrs.Smiling]

I don't know how any person with a soul could live with the guilt of what he's done without completely falling apart.  He has to be some kind of sociopath now to get up every day and live his life as if he's done nothing wrong. 

This is so true...How do they do it? Like sleeping with someone else is OK? Where is the guilt?...The lying to everyone around him. 
Honestly, people really are not that stupid. If they see you with someone else other than the person they have seen you with FOREVER. I'm sure they don't think that they are just a "friend"... Where are their morals?

[waiting4]

few people have morals anymore...it hurts so much that "family friends" and even "family" menbers have at least some idea of what is going on ...that one person in the marriage is trying to turn things around.. trying to save the marriage.. heal ..but they embrace the OW/OM.. or watch the MLCer harm the LBS financially...its all so messed up

[nah]

I don't know how any person with a soul could live with the guilt of what he's done without completely falling apart.  He has to be some kind of sociopath now to get up every day and live his life as if he's done nothing wrong.  

Yep.  Pretty much sums it up nicely.

[MsMedfly]

I can tell you how...

They end up with major health issues. Puffy let me know that last week, he was hospitalized with heart issues...

And here I thought he didn't have one!!

You are correct, the moral compass that most people have, is either missing or has been removed from our MLCer's... 

Puffy is a narcissistic sociopath. I'm pretty sure he's always been one, he was just totally in the closet before the invasion. Now, he just lets his crazy hang out for the world to see.

[Nas]

I can tell you how...

They end up with major health issues. Puffy let me know that last week, he was hospitalized with heart issues...

And here I thought he didn't have one!!

 


H's father left his mother 22 years ago for an OW (also an old "friend" from school).  He died of a heart attack about 14 months later. 

Not that I wish any poor health on H, but I can't for the life of me figure out how he is getting through the days unless he literally doesn't feel bad for anything he's done.

[MsMedfly]

Oh Nas,

They feel it. They try not to and will do anything possible, (i.e. drink, drugs, etc) to forget...

Puffy drowns his sorrows in booze, pills, and Celtic woman music.. This is according to my son. It just makes me laugh....

Yours is an extra special d bag... You don't quit on your family and spouse.. especially when you are dealing with cancer..

I want to punch your husband Nas... hard!!!

[Nas]

I think he justifies it by thinking that I didn't have cancer when he left.  I got it after he'd been gone for a year and a half, so maybe he thinks he's off the hook.

I guess that's why it was okay for OW to change her profile picture to a smiling picture of the two of them just as I was having both of my breasts removed.   

We don't have children and he lives so far away, I have no insight into whether he's using booze or anything else to avoid his guilt.  He was drinking a lot right before BD and up until he moved out of our shared home.  He moved in with his mother for 11 months before moving to live with OW.  MIL claims he didn't drink at all when he was under her roof, but I know better because he even told me at the time he was having a few beers a few times a week. But it was nothing like the amount he was drinking in the 3 months after BD when we still lived together.

I do think he's working a ton of hours and that's a way to avoid himself.

I just don't get what the hell he thinks is going to happen by ignoring my existence.  Does he think I'll just eventually fade away without ever actually getting a divorce - or that after vanishing for however long, one day he'll just pop back up and be like, "okay, well you got yourself through cancer and put your life back together, let's amicably divorce now"? 

And if he does actually think about me and feel guilt, does he think he can just vanish, erase me from his life and then one day when enough time has passed it'll just all be okay and he'll miraculously be released from his guilt?

I mean, he can't possibly be thinking about tomorrow at all - as if he's only thinking about "right this minute" and can't project any further into the future than the next 30 seconds to consider any consequences or outcomes.

WTF, it makes no sense.