[Milly]

Mine still in Vanishlandia. Completely avoiding me. I also imagine him off on a lovely break somewhere with OW so he can forget his real life troubles and just focus on how much he likes her.

 Only contact he had with S13 yesterday was to tell him to tell D20 to check the emails and messages he sent her (about suing her and wanting D to promise never to be mean to OW ever again if he is to take away his charge). D has blocked him.

No mention to S13 about seeing him over the Easter break.

[Rising Phoenix]

Ow is awful nas. I believe one quote is regarding my children. If I knew for sure then I would be saying something! Leave my children out of it. The quote said never chase love affection or attention as if it’s not given freely it’s not with having. Just seemed a very good coincidence the same day I had emailed re kids and stated that it wasn’t their decision.

Another was ignore their lies, opinions etc and stay true to love and your authenticity and shine like you always do. Then the couple pic with h wearing a huge fake camera smile! Sick bag please!

Yest quote was “ I can’t unf**k someone, I can’t rake back things I’ve said, I can’t walk on water or being someone back from the dead. No matter how many times I go to sleep, I never wake up perfect so before you point fingers make sure your hands are clean!

I’ve not said a word. I’m not on social media. I asked the his kids and I don’t think it’s unreas to ask for a meeting. I didn’t expect any reply so it rather upset me I did. Sort of shook me. Xx

[Rising Phoenix]

Milly I just can’t beilve how. Man can sue his daughter! He is way in pink sparkly unicorn fantasy land! Xx

[nah]

That's the funny thing about this idiot vanishers.  Do they not realize they are actually prolonging their own suffering by just disappearing into their new lives?  By taking off without doing anything the right way, they put themselves in the position of having to think about their own sh*tty behavior every time they think about their old life. 

I guess I don't truly understand compartmentalization.  Because if I had to think about those things every single day and keep having to push the thoughts away and smother the guilt, I literally wouldn't be able to get through the days for very long.  Yet these people go on for years and years.

The last time I physically saw my ex (maybe six months ago??? I'm not even sure, we met at a bank for paperwork)....

we were talking about my son's counseling and he admitted to me that he was thinking about getting some anti-anxiety meds, whether or not he ever did.... I doubt it.

Anyways.. at the time we were talking pretty regularly.  Then when I found out that my daughter was going to be involved in his wedding, I flipped out on him and accused him of not needing meds but needing to start living an authentic life.  I brought up things like him admitting that he feels like he is living someone else's life my quote, "these are YOUR words...."

That's when he went back into hiding.  Once I shot him between his eyes with his own direct quotes of feeling sick because of his own choices and guilt.... he went quiet.....again.

[Tyks]

I saw my vanisher last week at d's concert. Neither one of us acknowledged each other. Pretty sad considering you spend half your life with someone.  He picked d up last night for his weekend.  My boyfriend's car was in the driveway. I wonder if my xh had a tinge of anything?  Anything at all? 

Mlc is so weird. 

Nas,  I am pretty sure your vanisher takes the cake for most disgusting mlcer.  I am sorry he is so cruel

[TopsyTurvy]

I don't post much, (so this is probably too long ) but I do read along fairly regularly - addicted to the site, hoping for names I recognise to post, still hoping those LBS will have the ending they want.

Haven't seen my xH in person since Dec 2015, last text convo was June last year (when he stole the last £200 out of our bank account), think he qualifies as one of those near vanishers.  I do hear about him very, very occasionally, hence my post today.

I met my SIL who visited xH yesterday and me today.  She doesn't keep her visits to me a secret any more and will tell him she's having coffee with me.  She lives 2.5hrs away so we don't see each other regularly.  He's still away with the fairies, no further along than I suspect he ever will be, but then again what do I know.  I believe I really am detached and whilst I craved info about him, it didn't affect me.  She doesn't offer info, I had to ask a few questions.....e.g. I do hope he's happy, I don't want to see him in the gutter (like his D28 does) BUT I really don't want his relationship with OW (his W#3) to work.  So I asked.....is he happy? (I was prepared for 'yes' but I didn't get that.....phew!)

She said she can see he's not happy, he has issues (but didn't elaborate), he truly is infatuated with OW son 4yrs.  Everything is about him.  SIL said H & OW went to a wedding and Boy4 was dancing, xH wanted to show my SIL the video.....she has no interest in the child, he's not even her nephew. 

xH was working today and was hoping SIL would spend the day with OW & boy4 - SIL said no-way, she'd made plans and was going for coffee with me!  She tolerates OW but has no interest in spending time with her, they have nothing in common.  She said xH is desperate SIL to stay at his home, but she doesn't want to.  They (xH & OW) have no friends.  He has no contact with any of our old friends, in fact he has no contact with anyone that knows me.

SIL said OW was p!ssed off and told a story that xH, OW & Boy4 had been to town for lunch.  OW went to the bathroom, came back and xH had bought food for himself and Boy4, nothing for OW.  SIL said he has no thought for her at all. 

Another thing is xH is a Police Officer, he can't wait for the next 5 years to fly by and he can leave the force, he hates his job.  Well I could have been knocked over with a feather, he was so proud to be in the force and his job was his life - he will be 55 in 5.5 years and I don't think the pension will be enough to live on.  (He has been in the force since 2009 and joined when he was 40yrs old).  OW has no plans to get a job and SIL believes xH is pleased about that - obviously (to me) he doesn't want her having a life.....she might meet someone and leave him.  MIL has warned him the relationship won't work, there were 21yrs between her and xH's dad and MIL had countless affairs.

SIL said she had a proper look around xH's home (this was a rental that he and I bought) she said it's now a replica of my home.  Downstairs bathroom, upstairs bathroom, master bedroom, all the same as mine - she said it was a bit freaky.  My friend (xH's dearest and oldest friend, whom he dropped) said he doesn't know how to build anything else, but really, fixtures and fittings, taps and sinks, you'd choose something different - well I would.

I said to SIL we have a GD that is just a couple of months older than Boy4, shame he couldn't have waited for her to move closer to us before going into crisis, but SIL said he get's called 'daddy' - far better than 'grandad'.  So xH, still deluded, farther away from me than ever, and right now, I'm ok with that.

Me - I have a good life, nothing to complain about, I have my children/grandchildren (and his), I have all our friends, I have new friends, including some very special ones from this site.  I still want what I can't have (this to have never happened) but it has.  Much as I would like xH to contact with.....what....apologies/feelings of love?  I don't know.......but I know that IF that did happen, I would listen, say thank you, and wish him well.  He is not going to be part of my life going forward.  I love him, I think I always will - but I need to continue to move forward.  I know someone (whom I talk to regularly from this site and is an amazing, knowledgable lady) will say, never say never and who knows what the future will bring.....so before you say anything......I'll cross that bridge if I ever get there

So apologies for the lengthy update, I just wanted to log for my reference.  Now I need to make my 78yr old dad a cup of tea.......he's up for the Easter weekend and has been in good spirits so far.... long may it last!

Happy Easter for those that celebrate.

Topsy

[stillbaffled]

I can't tell you enough how grateful I am that people like you drop back in here and post updates.  Thank you so much, Topsy. 

I need to go back and find your old threads and read your journey.  So your MLCer married the OW.  Mine did as well.   

How lovely for you that your SIL has remained in contact with you and thinks so highly of you.  Nice that you could have a meet up with her and even nicer that she told her brother why she couldn't hang out with OW and boy4.   

I do hope you'll continue to check in here and update.  Your life sounds good.  That is nice to hear. 

[nah]

Thanks for the update, TT, we love hearing from you. 

[TopsyTurvy]

Thanks Still and Nah

its good to check in once in a while.  I dont know what the future is with our vanishers but we can have some fun whilst they are away. Some days I struggle to remember his voice and the fun times so I stop trying and do something else instead.

Onwards and upwards.

Tops

[CallingHeart]

Vanisher Update!!!!!

<<< crickets >>>   <<<crickets, crickets, crickets>>>

Well, why would I expect anything else? 
He did D me and it was probably the fastest D on this side of the equator. 
So there's nothing really to report on him, just stuff about me.

My ghost's birthday was recently. 
I sent him an email to wish him a happy last day of being his previous age
I didn't say anything beyond that and attached a picture of our dog.   <<<crickets>>>

I think I do have this expectation he will eventually reappear and I cant figure out why.
Probably because of the way he left and vanished -- that utter surprise!
I mean... who DOES that?? 

(I did hear a story about a woman who's husband left to grab a cup of coffee and never came home.  She filed a missing persons report on him and thought for several months that something horrible had happened to him.   He was found a year or so later via his SSN living in a different state and had just left and started up a new life) 

At least I got a 2 sentence note from mine and then D 1.5 years later. 
Geeezzz I should move on, right?

I think I have this looming expectation I'll get surprised again.  I guess that's just my PTVD

I do talk to MIL. She calls me and we talk about our lives and not about him.  It's all very strange. 
I have similar feelings to Topsy's.
I want him to contact ... give an apology... show a regret... that final letter that arrives in the mail explaining why.
But I can't imagine him back in my life. How could I let someone so cruel back in - and why do I even think these thoughts?
I was talking to a couple of close friends about these thoughts and feelings, and how I just don't really feel free.
I feel this sense of responsibility. I pray for him all the time and he's always more than in the corner of my mind.
I'm not sure if I will ever feel free.. even if I sought an annulment. 
I probably need to go see a shrink to work through this