[AlvinTheMaker]

Journaling.... 

STBXW came in today to go through some physical goods we need to split.  Mission accomplished.

The "worthless" goods....  After about half an hour she got tired of going through stuff as well as my suggestion of simply dumping them all for yardsale , and she said  "I'll pay you $150 extra for the whole lot in division of assets".... The worthless stuff was not so worthless after all, LOL.   All I could say was "sold".  A yardsale likely  would have left us both with double the money but I'm happy like this too.  She gets all the clutter and work, and I get some money. 

Then STBXW shared some good news .... W's baby sister has agreed to give her sister a zero interest loan of 40K if the bank turns down the mortgage on full amount.   It would take some pretty unusual things for her to get turned down at the bank now....     Everyone wins. She gets the house,  kids can carry the school here, and I get plenty of money to start anew...   She also said the mortgage talk will be on 21st.

The realities of divorce are starting to emerge..     As I today dismantled and carried out the MBR bed into carage,  S5 said "wish things would stay as they are now.  Mommy living at grandma's place and you being here"....  And G12 is withdrawing even more.  Her school season starts soon, and I'll make sure she gets to see school nurse/councellor ASAP....  G16 is taking things pretty well (focusing mostly on her own stuff like any teenager).

As for me.... still so much to do,  yet so little time.  But I'll do my best and it has to be enough.

Alvin.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

And G12 is withdrawing even more.  Her school season starts soon, and I'll make sure she gets to see school nurse/councellor ASAP....  G16 is taking things pretty well (focusing mostly on her own stuff like any teenager).

It is going to be really hard on them. It is the death of their family and each person will react differently. Be prepared that G12 recovers faster as she is already grieving while G16 is in denial. A good friend of mine lost her husband a while back. Her son was stoic and strong throughout for his mom. Years later, he hit rock bottom and mom realized that he never had the opportunity to grieve the loss of his father. That being strong for her left him still with wounds that needed to be addressed.

and she said  "I'll pay you $150 extra for the whole lot in division of assets".... The worthless stuff was not so worthless after all, LOL.   All I could say was "sold".

Yes, and you could have spent the whole day haggling with people only willing to give you a few pennies for things your things. You took the money and she got the junk. An adult action that brought peace to the situation and at the very best cost you $150.00. Good investment from my perspective.

Just continue to be the adult for you and your family.

(((((Ready)))))

[AlvinTheMaker]

Journaling....  Carrying on with the "bad guy" theme.  This is actually hilarious....   If reading between the lines, it seems the person who cheated does not trust the one who did not cheat.  I gotta love the universal irony, ROFL.

So I've got two potential flats as HomeMk2 in my hands.  The only downside is that I've been doing the math on finances of the move, and I'm short of some cash.  As I don't have loaded family members like W to back me up, my only option would be take high interest loan (essentially take 5K loan, pay back 6K year later - which is really not smart).  So then I realized that G12 and G16 are basically sitting on top of hefty college funds (basically all money I've earned and put aside for them).  So I asked them if they'd be willing to loan some of that as short term zero-interest loan that is paid back once STBXW pays me my share of the house (and if it takes time, then I'll do 500$ per month payments for about a year.  And they said it's okey.

As W is the co-custodian and shares equal access to their college funds, I send her a message and asked "is doing so-and-so okey for you too"?

Her response....   " no problem as long as they get their money back.  And you should at least notify them".

Umm... really    As if I would run off with their money.  As if I would not ask their opinion....  if I didn't think STBXW was bit looney before, now I can say she's really living in some very bizarre alternate universe of her own, ROFL.

Oh this MLC is a gift that keeps on giving.

Alvin.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Journalling... So I'm now pass another hurdle.  I've got myself a rental flat.

Or not just a flat, but a drop-dead-corgeous HomeMk.2     The kitchen of my dreams (even better than at HomeMk1),  corgeous tall rooms (or actually it's all just one gigantic room as the house was build in 1920s),  bits of rustique here and there (some old brick wall/structures still showing),  some rural style (lovely wooden floor), with brand new bathroom and utilities, everything remodeled and brand new. Surrounded by restaurants, art galleries, parks, zoo, amusement park., only few miles from the center of everything....   And best of all. It is just 10 minute walk to work/back (instead of the so usual 1-2 hours on subway/metro that most people spend).  That's a freaking miracle. 

So yes.  Today I've got big smile on face

Alvin.

[5hilmerton]

Alvin Sir,

"I've written this before, but this is the best worst experience of my life. Silver linings are there for those who are willing to change their perspective a bit...and considering the cost that their crisis throws into our lives, it is very empowering to have something back from this behemoth."

This sounds wonderful i could feel your smile when reading your description.  Quite possibly the perfect home/flat for your next step/new chapter in your journey ...i guess this could be considered a "silver lining". 

 I too am finding the inner strength i forgot i had...

I will be following,
5hil

[Standing Strong]

Sounds great Alvin 

You'll get it all tidied out and then be able to show it off to the kids. What an adventure that will be 
Safe, new and exiting. Maybe a new favorite place for them.

-SS

[AlvinTheMaker]

Thanks 5hill + Standing.

Safe, new and exiting. Maybe a new favorite place for them.

Re, favorite place....  It's possible I may get the prize for "coolest vacation target of the year", LOL.  But I know the novelty will wear down sooner or later.... It's just  gonna be so different from rural life.  Easier and more fun in one way, but like having a vacation each month, it will get boring on some point. And I get fun can also be a disservice for the kids unless I place some boundaries and teach them that  benefits (=fun) require some work in return.

Alvin.

[PJ Ames]

Congrats on the flat Alvin!

[AlvinTheMaker]

Journaling... Been a while since last time.   

Kids spent last weekend with STBXW, and I headed for first solo weekend at HomeMk#2 .  My (succesfull) goal was to measure things in there and get familiar with enviroment.... The flat - it's really a breathe of fresh air. Loving it. Already having also tons of ideas what to do with it....  And the surroundings.  If I was an MLCr gone loose, the enviroment would be pretty much spot on.  Tons of possibilities for hedonistic bachelor life  (for better or worse, none of it is really my thing).  And the landlord said the area has got one of the highest single ratio's in the country    (that might come handy in the future).

I did dust out my clubbing shoes and spent two fun solo nights at local  dance clubs.... God it was fun to just dance my hearts pleasure and let twenty years of undanced dancing to flow out.  Basically did two half marathon's worth of footwork during the weekend, LOL.... I don't know how well folks here know clubbing scene, but most people do not go clubbing to meet potential partners, but to dance and enjoy the music, or to get the excercise (the entrance fee to club is way cheaper than having same number of hours at zumba etc lessons).  I'm definitely beginning to understand why I was so damn fit when I met STBXW; I was likely doing 3-4 half-marathons a week, LOL. ...  on the downside one of my nails broke (dancers have got the same nail issues as runners)...  And yes, despite going solo, and trying to remain solo, I did socialize a bit.  I think "be the prize" is beginning to show outside 

I joined a local midlifers divorce WhatsUp group about week back.   Again... lots of fun. Very up close and personal stuff from all areas of life... The interesting bit, I think there are couple of MLCrs  (group contains people on both side of fence).   One of them has been very open to me for some reason.  It's been, hmm,  educational experience, to read/listen and follow her side of the story on such a close distance without the emotional bonding. 

Practical things.... moving onwards one item at a time.   Tons of small and medium sized stuff in there, but doing my best to have it all taken care of before the move.

The funny stuff... I asked STBXW to give me some kind of estimate on her jewellery for division of assets.  She wrote back $50.... Okey, I'm not gonna challenge her on this though I know the real value is something totally different.  You cannot even get one decent pair of earrings for the money,LOL. 

Alvin.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

The funny stuff... I asked STBXW to give me some kind of estimate on her jewellery for division of assets.  She wrote back $50.... Okey, I'm not gonna challenge her on this though I know the real value is something totally different.  You cannot even get one decent pair of earrings for the money,LOL.

Then offer her $25.00 for all of it.

Then pawn all of it. Enjoy the flat and the dancing. You deserve it.

(((((Ready))))