Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: kikki on May 08, 2013, 05:51:17 PM
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'It is what it is'
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Pretty much it.
There is also I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You.
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I never should have married you. You tricked me into marrying you. I never loved you.
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You emasculated me!
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Our marriage was over 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 ...........years ago.
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I am so unhappy within the marriage and you are the cause!
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But WE didn't work!
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I haven't been happy for a couple of years, 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, ok I have never been happy!
I am NEVER coming back
When I found out about ow...his response..."You should go out with J...." (someone he worked with, could be my son, age wise!)
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I got this a few nights ago.."I didn't cheat on you..we haven't been married for a long time.." After 2 years of asking if there was another woman..and repeatedly being told no..I was crazy. Well..if we weren't married than why not just tell me the truth?!?!
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Our marriage was over 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 ...........years ago.
OMG lol...
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I got "you should date to see if I am what you really want". :P
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"I am sorry I wasted so much of your life". :o
That was a classic. Like I was all used up or something.
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" The affair has nothing to do with why I left. It doesn't matter."
(don't know if this is script or not) "The dog was too fat."
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" The affair has nothing to do with why I left. It doesn't matter."
(don't know if this is script or not) "The dog was too fat."
Killing myself laughing here, re the dog ;D
Yes - script - 'Our bad marriage and me leaving has NOTHING to do with the OW'
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I dont love you the way I should.
In the beginning it was all my fault then some how 'Were both good people',I dont know,I dont know,I dont know...
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"I felt like a big black cloud was swallowing me up and YOU pushed me away." ::)
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I felt so alone!!!
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he told me I cooked too much because I fixed him dinner each night...
me..."You always bragged about my cooking to your friends".
me... "my cooking you a nice dinner was a sign I loved you."
him..."I can understand how some people would see it that way, but I didn't, you cooked too much"
he left because I cooked dinner to much???!!!
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Now, I'm laughing over cooking too much. Brokenhearted, you can come and cook for me every night and I will love you forever. LOL
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Well you got crap for cooking too much.Im sure eventually I ll get the other end of the stick on that one.My desire to cook died a long time ago when no one was home to eat.So I gave up.
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LearningIamOk ...just heading out the door with my pots and pans!! LOL
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I felt so alone!!!
I felt SO LONELY !!!!! (Said with a very accusatory tone - my fault of course)
I was SO UNHAPPY, I used to cry in the garden. (my fault again, that I couldn't see around bushes)
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" The affair has nothing to do with why I left. It doesn't matter."
Yes - script - 'Our bad marriage and me leaving has NOTHING to do with the OW'
Pure script but it is true. They don't leave because of OW and OW does not matter. The MLCer is correct about that one, just does not know he is, or why.
More script: I'm not good enough for you, you'll soon find someone better that me.
I need space, I need to be on my own. (except you forgot to tell there was OW).
I felt live I was dying, the marriage was killing, I had to leave. I know living and OW were wrong but I was suffocating, if I didn't leave I would die.
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Yes - I heard those ones too AnneJ, although at one stage Mr Bursty got more specific -
I'm sorry, you deserve so much more than me, you chose a dud - you'll meet a Dr to be with soon :o (a Doctor?)
I need to be on my own for six weeks.
I stupidly asked if he was coming back home after six weeks - got a panicked look, with psycho eyes, and he shrieked 'I am NEVER coming home'. He pops in and out all of the time, despite this.
I'm always more here with you, than I am over there with her (huh? - in spirit? in thought?)
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I'm sorry, you deserve so much more than me, you chose a dud - you'll meet a Dr to be with soon :o (a Doctor?)
Doctor = Serious profession + status + respectable. At least I think that is the meaning/idea.
I'm always more here with you, than I am over there with her (huh? - in spirit? in thought?)
Had forgot that one. At first that one was true for Mr J. He spend more time with me than with OW1.
We're forgetting the classic: I want us to be friends. ::) ::) ::)
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"So there wasn't that much sex." (Trying to convince me the PA had started just prior to BD, thinking quantity was some sort of concern).
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OK, so I cheated..ok?! :o I haven't been happy since 2008 ???
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5 minutes after BD while I was shaking and vomitting in shock: "Good God, haven't you ever been dumped before?" :o "You are overreacting. I am still thinking about dating both of you (me and my friend/OW)." ::) :o
A few weeks later: "Can't you see we are not compatible? You are too deep, too smart, to responsible, clean, like to read and connect with people. If anything is deeper than this (holding thumb and forefinger about 1/4 inch apart), I will drown." (Following that remark, I congratulated H for finding his shallow, dumb, irresponsible, dirty, illiterate, antisocial soulmate).
More of H's proof of our incompatibility: "You don't eat at McDonald's. The OW and I want to eat fast food, drink beer, and watch funny shows. You want to save the world." (Shame on me. My bad.)
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Oh, and these gems:
"If you just understood the huge importance of porn in real life and a healthy loving relationship, like OW does, this might not have happened." (Followed by bills from sex and head shops ::) ::))
Said to justify as he left D and me on a holiday weekend to go away with OW: "It's really sad that you two don't have a clue what promises and commitments really mean, like I do." (Apparently not...)
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Okay I am having a good laugh here...
one MLCer said you cooked to much, another said his wife is "to clean" (what does he want her to be dirty?) and the other is complaining about you saving the world.
So in order to be perfect wives we must be dirty, understand the importance of porn, not cook, eat at McDonalds and not try to save the world. My what high standards these MLCers have...
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So in order to be perfect wives we must be dirty, understand the importance of porn, not cook, eat at McDonalds and not try to save the world. My what high standards these MLCers have...
The affair d at its finest... ::)
o
w
n
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You never lost the weight.
The house is messy.
I never wanted a housewife.
I'm a city boy really. [we live in the country]
You never listened to my threats. Refers to the one time he said <you'd better be nice to me>. Left out the part <or I'll move in with the slag I'm bonking>.
You changed.
You never changed.
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how about "I'm not abandoning you, you are the one who abandoned me." Huh? H is the one leaving???
or "I decided 8 years ago to divorce you, I just never told you. I have been toughing the marriage out ever since then."
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All these posts have made me laugh so much :0).
I also got the 'I'm lonely, you're smothering and if I don't leave here I will die!
There were many more - too many to mention.
Somebody, somewhere must be making money from selling the book - 'The Script That All MLC Men Must Follow'!!!
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Everthing you watch on tv is dark and morbid. Referring to " Grey's Anatomy"
I only have 20 good years left, I want a new life!
We are not ;D compatible
You don't look up to me, I am a man, you never tell me how handsome I am :D ;D
I want to be selfish for once in my life.
A man needs to feel admired. You don't admire me.
This one is for you Kikki, at the very beginning, as he was entering the tunnel he said to me, maybe you'll find a dentist as he slapped my butt in front of my children, hopefully you'll get free dental care for the kids. I just remembered that my very special son , who was 9 at the time said, Mommy has a boyfriend online :) :) not true but it was priceless!
OMG, why do we still love these guys ::)
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We must need our heads testing! Does anyone know WHY we still love them.
I suppose the simple answer is, we remember the lovely, kind H's we married and know they are still in there - somewhere!!!
X
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Lordy, Jagger - that is hilarious about the dentist ;D
I too got the 'I have spent my life thinking about other people, it is my time to be selfish now' :-\
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I too got the 'I have spent my life thinking about other people, it is my time to be selfish now' :-\
Ding ding! Some of these I have forgotten about!!
Apparently there are song lyrics he has composed (didn't sing me the song, thank God!) where he describes it all as "I had to cut off the right hand (R2T) to save the rest of me." :o He's right-handed, which probably why he's falling on his butt so much. Should have gone for the left one, Johnny Cash! ;D ;D ;D ;D
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I thought of a few more..
I could never make you happy, all I ever did was try and make you happy.
You don't respect me.
You think I'm a loser.
I'm going to be successful!
Project much!!!!!
This is fun!
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Oh, and these gems:
"If you just understood the huge importance of porn in real life and a healthy loving relationship, like OW does, this might not have happened." (Followed by bills from sex and head shops ::) ::))
Laughing on the floor, " You are always tired when I need you! (Of course I am working full time, raising two kids , schooling and not a big fan of PORN) Yikes!
The first time I saw porn dvd's under his pillow, I was shocked! ::) :o
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So in order to be perfect wives we must be dirty, understand the importance of porn, not cook, eat at McDonalds and not try to save the world. My what high standards these MLCers have...
LOL. Where is the LIKE button for this idiocacy?
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As sad as it is these gave me a chuckle.
I got the classic "she listened to me " and " in my head I had decided that you did not love me "
I should have recorded some of the conversations and play them back to him in years to come .
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She (OW) makes me feel safe (he barely knew her)
The kids will be fine with me leaving
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I have spent a zillion years trying to be good by and for everyone else.
I want a chance to be happy for me,sorry if that is selfish but I actually think we will get on better.
The passion has gone and you killed it.
There is no one else and I am certainly not running away, but I need my own space and place.
I cant, dont want and will not disappear from your life at all, but I am ready for a new chapter and I know that is totally selfish, but I really crave to find happiness on my own.
Hmm so why did ow turn up so quickly h ????
Well he said he was lonely and maybe she is an escape.
Enjoy x AAAArgh!!
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H- you are soooo controlling.
Me: how did I ever cotrol you?
H you totally controlled me with your face.
I have tried making controlling faces to others and I don't seem to work on them. Geez me and my face could rule the world!
Don't forget we have nothing in common and never have. Ow is just a female version of me. Too right losers of a feather stick together.
Sd
X
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'It is what it is'
Ughhh! Husband used that on me quite a few times. I finally responded with "no! It is what YOU made it!". Haven't heard it since ::)
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It's a crime to the universe to be this unhappy
You never asked me about my ideas, never asked me where my ideas came from
Ow is not adultery, it happened after I left you (told me he's leaving Saturday, watching Before Sunrise to 'steal his nerves' Sunday night. Monday she sends an email staing which movie she wants to go and see at the cinema that night!
I'm not leaving the kids I'm leaving you
Oh I could go on ....
Love the dogs too fat one and what a total rubbish wife you were cooking too much and super dog, how dare you control your H with your face! I got something similar, about the looks I wounded him with.
Think this one breaks from script as I haven't heard anyone bust this one out:
Me: if you've been so unhappy for the past ten years why did we have two kids, but a flat, get married?
H: I don't know Stockholm Syndrome?
And;
You stopped me from flying in an aeroplane, I was so unhappy with you for 14 years I never bothered to tackle my fear of flying. (Forget the fact that in order to get funding for his business he had to fly to America to see fund raisers, which incidentally never happened because his business has not reached the dizzy heights he thought it would. He managed a flight to Jersey though, 30 mins flight at a cost 2,500 if we factor in the hypnotherapy :o)
This thread is brilliant to remind us IT IS DEFINITELY MLC!
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'Its time for me to be happy!!! I'm tired of doing everything for everybody else!!!'
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I need to go away and fix myself, and I want to do that alone (or with the 23 year old intern I'm shagging)
I'm changing, I'm becoming the man I always should have been
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I did not leave the children.
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We are bad for each other ::)
I've been unhappy for years....2yrs ???.....No 10yrs ???...... :o
You wouldn't go to the "shop" with me.....(this one always makes me fall about laughing ;D)
If I hadn't left you....you wouldn't have started your business.....(ooo well I guess I must be thankful then....haha::))
I didn't leave the boys....I left you....(Whatever Mr P ::))
I didn't feel wanted...(I did everything apart from wipe his butt....no idea why he didn't feel wanted ...and he couldn't tell me either :o)
Myself and OW have an equal relationship......(where's the vomit emoticon)
I have left my baggage from our marriage behind.....(trust me...he's taken all that baggage with him ::)....)
You never listened to me....(Mr P is passive aggressive.... :-X [I upset him....he didn't speak to me for a week...no idea what I'd done....he never told me...even tho I asked....this occurred 3yrs prior to BD)
I almost feel hate for you... :-[....ouch that hurt!
I feel like I'm in a tunnel and I can't find my way out....and I can't find poppy....even tho I've looked I can't find her...or the love I felt for her....it's just gone....disappeared. (This made me so very sad.... :-[)
I'm happier now than I can ever remember being.....(ouch again)
I could fill the thread so I'll stop now :-)
Hugs ....pops xxx
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H- you are soooo controlling.
Me: how did I ever cotrol you?
H you totally controlled me with your face.
I have tried making controlling faces to others and I don't seem to work on them. Geez me and my face could rule the world!
Thank you Superdog....I am laughing so hard over this one!
Loving this discussion...it's eerie how men who have never met one another to compare notes, can come up with the same BS. Honestly....how does a sickness like MLC invoke the same craziness...right down to the same lame excuses and selfish justifications?
I've heard almost ALL of these comments!...including " I never should have married you"...."I was unhappy for 22 years but I faked it" and " I never left you because of OW".
I was also told I was "not a good person" and "didn't bake him pies".
You can't make this stuff up. ::)
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You suck the life out of me.
OW makes me feel sane.
I know OW is a fantasy ...
OW just sits and admires me.
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I didn't tell you (about the affair) because I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
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That made me smile.
I got "I didn't tell you because you'd be angry".
Oh, and most of the rest that everyone else has said.
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I don't even know how long it's going to last. (The affair)
You don't mind if I still sleep in the bed, do you?
Her husband bought some of the wrong brands of foods so I brought them here for you.
I've only returned home for the dog.
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The kids will be fine, they will always have my attention!
I am never coming home.
We have become like brother and sister.
I will always love you, that is forever.
The kids are much happier now that I am happier.
I like you.
There is no more love [between us]
I am sorry I sounded agressive.
I don't need to to do grocery shopping, OW does it and pays for it. ::) ::)
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This is a strange time in our lives ( with goofy, exuberant look on his )
Just give me a year or two.
You're not the boss of me ;D ;D
I will be a better dad.
Give me a couple of weeks and the kids will be just fine.
I know that I belong at home with my family... Just not yet.
You're the love of my life but men weren't meant to be with one partner for life. We're biologically programmed to pass our seed around. :o :o (I swear he used to be an intelligent evolved man)
Im a happy go lucky kind of guy (so not true) You're too intelligent. I don't want that anymore.
Wow, this is therapeutic !
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'It is what it is'
Ughhh! Husband used that on me quite a few times. I finally responded with "no! It is what YOU made it!". Haven't heard it since ::)
OMG every time he says that I want to kill him .
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" Fine " was a word he used a lot . Every time I tried to talk to him in the last year he just said I am fine , everytime I asked if he no longer loved he just said I am fine . Everytime he shut me out he sais he was fine. Then had the nerve to say I had not listened to him .
Now when he asks how I am I just say I am fine !!!
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'It is what it is'
Yes! Tired of this one.
Pretty much all of the above. The one about the dog being too fat gave me a great chuckle!
I need to be alone.
This didn't happen because of OW. This happened because I have been unhappy since we got married.
We have nothing in common.
Very script. ;D
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I just remembered one while posting on my thread .
" the dog did not like him"
The dog likes anyone he a labrador he gets excited if I say hello to him .
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I also got "I'M NOT COMING BACK!" and "It is what it is". So reaffirming to see so many others with those too, as the former was particularly traumatic when he did it.
Also remembered:
"We will come out of this the people we were meant to be."
"How could I be happy with you?"
"If it makes you feel better, he (OW's H) has found someone else too." I have no idea why that was supposed to make me feel better. It was followed by "So OW has had all of that to deal with and work through." Poor her!!
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"God killed our cat!"
:o
He was saying this in an accusatory tone toward me since I believe in God, and he apparently was intending to infer God and I were in cahoots to give our cat cancer.
???
Within about a mere half hour or so of this declaration, he was telling me the folks back in his hometown needed God... "I'll make it my mission to bring God to them."
::)
Did I mention after MLC started he ignored our cat, and wasn't so nice toward her?
>:(
Guess he had decided she was too fat. ROFL.
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I haven't loved you for 10 years but was too lazy to do anything about it.
It's your fault- you pushed me away (2 months after my cancer treatment ended).
It's a shame you can't meet her - she is pretty and fun and is sorry this has happened (OW 38, H66 Me 65 with chemo hair).
I am sad to say I replied "I would love to meet her - I would.......!!!"
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
You are looking after my dog, aren't you? There seems to be a doggy theme everywhere!
The scripts are so similar, no matter where we live. It's unreal. I have many others posted here.
Take care all of you
French Belier
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And let's not forget MLC script with the children. Here are some lovely items D wrote down when they occured, because she needed time to figure out what H meant. She decided he was not "stable."
To D (then 13) when she was sobbing and begging him to get help, stop the adultery, and save our family:
"(OW) cares so much about you. Can't you see that?" :o ::)
To D's refusal to be around H and OW: "Can't you be normal and healthy like OW's kids? (D came through brilliantly. OW's son called her a $l()t and ran away from home, her D13 began cutting herself, developed an eating disorder and is on antidepressants, and the 8-year-old went back to sucking her thumb nonstop and wouldn't talk. Darn! If D would just get herself together and be healthy like that! ::) ::) ::) )
"You need to grow up and have some class." (As opposed to 47 year old OW having sex with her friend's H in her family's minivan).
"You are too young to have opinions and high morals." (apparently he is still too young to have high morals)
"You will understand as soon as you fall in love with your first married man." ::) ::) ::) (WTH! What a goal for a dad to have for his daughter--idiot)
And the last conversation they had before he moved out with no goodbye or forwarding address:
H: You are just like your mother.
D: Thank you. That is the greatest compliment anyone can give me.
H: Smart @ss. (I wish I had been present to respond to H: Dumb @ss)
D: You always told me you loved me, because I am like mom and you love her so much.
H: I don't know who was talking. (Uh...it was you, H!)
H continuing: (going on a tirade about his rewriting of our marital and family history)
D: What are you talking about? I live here. These are my memories too and none of it happened like you say it did.
H: You have had some sort of breakdown. You are mental and don't remember anything the way it was. (PROJECTING)
D: How can you leave me?
H: I am not leaving you. I am leaving your mother.
D: You are leaving and betraying me too.
H:Where do you get this crazy stuff? You aren't dealing with reality. ::)
H continuing: Why are you whining? You had 13 good years. That is more than I ever had. (Way to want a good life for D, dad!)
D: How could you and (OW) do this to mom, (OW's H), her kids, me, and our whole social group? How could you not know this would destroy everyone?
H (smiling crazily): We did know and we did it anyway.
D: Do you even love me at all?
H: (Pausing to think for a long time) "Well... I care about you." (Sound of the final nail being hammered into the coffin of their relationship, echos loudly...)
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Ow is just a distraction
Other people say they fancy people at work but don't do anything about it, I want to do something about it
You never know, we might get back together in a couple of years time, you know we can date other people and if it feels right we might get back together. I'm not making any promises or giving you false hope, you just never know what's going to happen.
JUST WONDERING WHY I AM STANDING REMEMBERING ALL THESE NASTY CORKERS!
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I also got the tunnel one
I feel like I am in a tunnel working my way through and when I get to the end there will be time for me.
And the I left you not the boys.
Told his mam our marriage was like a slow death and also told her people get back together all the time after 5yrs/2yrs.
I can laugh now but at the time in the beginning your jaw just drops doesnt it.
He also said to his mam he didnt think he wanted to go back, she told him oh she wont take you back now.
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Hi, I got most of the above as well. Funny now when I think about them
My personal favourite was when my h looked at me and said I was the one in denial. AS you can imagine I did not have a clue what he was talking about and when asked neither did he.
So script. Even when I hear others stories in people I meet, they say exactly the same thing. very strange.
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Oh I so needed this today!!! I got the following. Multiple times.
1.) You micromanaged me.
2.) You were too controlling (FOR NOT BEING COMFORTABLE WITH HIM TEXTING, CALLING AND GOING OUT WITH FEMALE COWORKERS AND CLASSMATES).
3.) We just aren't compatible.
4.) We have so much in common (ABOUT OW).
5.) OW and I get a long (I GOT THIS ONE CONSTANTLY).
6.) Kids will be so much better off.
7.) It's my time now. It's time to think about me (WHEN ASKED IF HE THOUGHT ABOUT HOW ANY OF THIS AFFECTED ME).
8.) Stop making me feel guilty (THIS IS MY FAVORITE).
9.) You need to be with someone who likes to stay home (HUH, WE STAYED HOME ALL THE TIME BECAUSE WE WERE BROKE BECAUSE H DIDN'T WORK).
10). I didn't appreciate him.
11.) I did nothing around the house, he did it all (HUH, HE DIDN'T WORK! I WORKED FULL-TIME AND WENT TO GRADUATE SCHOOL FULL-TIME).
12.) OW adores her kids, is a hardworker and we have fun together (WHY DO I GIVE A CRAP THAT SHE IS A HARD-WORKER?).
Oh I have loved this. So therapeutic. LOL.
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There is enough material here for stand up comedy tour ;D
H- you are soooo controlling.
Me: how did I ever cotrol you?
H you totally controlled me with your face.
Superdog that is just hilarious and bonkers at the same time!! ;D ;D
Some classics from Mr CB:
"You're not feminine enough" ::)
"I prefer women between the ages of 28 and 35" :o ::)
"I need someone I can look after - you're too independent" :D
"She [OW] won't meet me whilst we're together because she has a high regard for marriage" :o :o :o
"If it wasn't for her [OW] I would have been really horrible to you" ::) :o :P
I wish rolling your eyes burned calories - actually, maybe it does and that's part of the LBS diet... ;D ;D
:) x
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Just remembered a classic.
Your just all me, me, me.
That one was obviously projection.
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2 years post BD:
EVERYONE attached to the OW is just, Ugggh! (H physically shudders)
3 years post BD:
OW is one of life's victims
Our R is tumultuous
I had to rescue her from her awful R (of 15 years). She really loved her partner, but he got PTSD from the trauma from his Father and brother, and turned nuts.
- He thought about this for a while and then said 'oh, just like I did I guess'. :o
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Said of the dumsel's h: Sneering Oh him, he has issues.
The dumsel's had a hard life.
Not the horror, the horror [Marlon Brando, Apocalypse Now] but The stupidity, the stupidity.
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I am in hysterical awe of this madness. Keep 'me coming!
I was told to 'embrace this'. Ok...??? Also 'nobody will control me!!!'... Ok....??? And also 'go marry someone from the church.'. And he told D18 and my brother that he wanted to be my best friend.
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We'll always be friends, won't we?
Oh yeah & at a point where I am sobbing etc. : It's difficult for me too you know. It hurts me too.
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Here's is one more I got often, "I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU $H%T about my life!" I can picture him throwing a temper tantrum and taking his toys and running home, can't you? He has been so afraid since he left that I might know too much about his life because I was so "controlling". I think it's funny because OW has him by the neck now. He, he.
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Yes, I got
I have feelings too!
This was after I cleared out all my items from the other house we owned that he moved to. After throwing up outside the door every time I drove up there. After burying my head in his clothes to smell him the last time. After lying on the floor crying before leaving the last time. He was out of town with OW, of course. Not to mention all the pre-BD antics, taunts and gas lighting.
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"You don't need me any more."
"She's nice to me."
[standing over our son, collapsed on the floor in grief, after being told by his father about the affair] "I deserve to be happy."
"I'm sorry. I just wasn't a good husband."
"I just didn't see a future for us."
"We can't agree on anything!"
"I never loved you."
"I did love you. I just took me a long time. But I did love you."
"She and I were meant to be together. We were just too young to realize it at the time."
"You'll never forgive me."
"Nothing I ever did was good enough for you."
"I'm finally going to buy you a nice house." [high on infatuation hormones]
[After telling me how horrible OW is] "I just don't see how I can leave her."
"You're too concerned with 'fair.'"
"I've really made a mess of everything." [shaking and crying, as he's loading his belongings into his truck to move out]
"You and I have nothing in common."
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Love this thread!!
I got: I didn't leave the boys, I just left you.
I'm tired of compromising, I make all the decisions now (S14 says, yeah, Dad makes the decisions, and OW vetoes them)
And, yes,....he told me I should marry a nice doctor
Phoenix, What a horribly hurtful thing for your H to say to your daughter when she asked him if he loved her (that he "cares about" her)
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Ok, ok here are some more.
You've already been through one divorce so you are used to it.
I've been through it myself so I know how you feel.
I'm not leaving S10, only you. (uh, he lives here how is that not leaving him?)
I still care about you and your Mom. (Really? Then why are you leaving?)
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Here are a couple more I have heard.
"You know I am happy right?"
"I am happy and content right now, and OW is the biggest reason for my happiness.". Huh? What about your children?
If he has to prove to me that he is happy, how happy is he? And how sad must it be to let one person be the sole reason for your happiness.
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This is scary - I didn't know anything about MLC when it was happening to me and was so confused with the things he kept saying. Now I realise he was following the script. Some of the stuff I got:
"It is what it is" and "we are where we are" every time I attempted to talk about 'our' problems.
"I don't love you like I should" followed by "I don't love you enough" then "I don't love you anymore" and finally "you killed any love I had for you" all within the space of a few weeks.
"I haven't been happy for years"
"I'm doing this for ME" - really??
"I don't want anyone else - I just want to be alone" then walked straight into serious 'relationship' with his secretary (still with her)
"You never had any trouble attracting men - you'll be happy again" ignoring the fact that I was nearing 50 by this time
"You are the most selfish person I've ever known" then days later "you are the most decent person I've ever known" - or was it the other way around ??
"Your behaviour needs to change!!" - shouted at me across the hall (I never did find out what 'behaviour' he was referring to)
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"I'm TRYING!" (in regards to loving me, staying with me, all in the month between BD and leaving).
"You have the right to see someone else, just don't tell me about it, I'm not ready for that." (After the same conversation where he told me about how hard things are for OW now that her H was seeing someone else!).
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"I'm TRYING!" (in regards to loving me, staying with me, all in the month between BD and leaving).
"You have the right to see someone else, just don't tell me about it, I'm not ready for that." (After the same conversation where he told me about how hard things are for OW now that her H was seeing someone else!).
OH YEAH!! I got the "I have tried to make it work", but you are sucking the happiness out of me line too. Ugh!
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Hi everyone...........
A few wks after BD i learnt of h affair.............at the time he was back home..........i threw him out again........a few days later we met up to talk.....h would not tell me who she was...........so i bought a tracker and put it on his car...........h didn't know how i found o/w address............. anyway i went up early one morning with my friend...........i knew h was there i waited for o/w to take her D to school and went to her house...........i knocked on the door.......then i opened the door to walk in just as h was coming to answer.......he was like :o :o :o :o and then he ran off upstairs........i calmly walked back to my friends car and we sat and waited outside o/w house............o/w friend saw me and must have texted her...........she would not come home..............then h texted me and said o/w is ringing the police to have you removed............i said OK that's fine ............I'm sure the police will be interested to know why am hear so if she as any sense she will not call them........h begged o/w not to ..............we beeped and drove off.........h must have sneaked out of her other door and was home packing his stuff when i arrived.............later that day i went back up and knocked on her door as h had my keys.........h came to the door when he saw it was me..............o/w shouted through the door you better leave or I'm calling the police...........by this I'm livid i shout back to her whist your ringing the police ring the social security up and explain you have a married man living here and he as been for the last 6 wks (previous to him coming home) o/w slammed the window and stormed off..........SS paid her rent and council tax............so she would have been in big trouble............(and as been caught by the SS since and was taken to court and fined, i didn't need to say anything apparently her neighbour reported her lol) ..........h came home the next day and had the cheek to say to me that i shouldn't have involved o/w she as nothing to do with this :o :o :o............i said so why did she let you in i said, as well as learning to keep her LEGS closed she should learn to keep her door locked to m/m.............
H ...........i told you i would leave if you continued to watch those soaps.....(at the time it was coronation street when Kevin Webster was having an affair.....i didnt know h was at this time
Daughter to h why did you marry mum if you knew then you would not stay together.............he said i put him on the spot by proposing if i wouldn't have asked he wouldn't have married me........the thing is he proposed to me twice before i accepted............i accepted through a proposal in the local paper on his dads memorial so we could mark this day............the newspaper followed us from the wedding through to our honey moon i still have the cork from the champagne he bought and the newspaper articles..........when he proposed he did in front of a room full of relatives.........when i called him on it he denied saying anything to D.....
H you would like o/w if you got to know her...........i looked :o :o >:( at h and said you what........he said shes just like you when you was her age...........i was fuming, i started throwing potatoes and anything else i could get my hands on this was said whilst we unloading shopping from the car, i laugh now when i recall h chasing the food down the street)........... i was shouting when i was her age........i was not sleeping with married men..............i was not called the town bike............and lastly i was not a owr ............H i didn't mean that i meant personality wise, you know what i mean no need to be nasty...........i said open your eyes your making yourself the laughing stock..........i said you go on like shes perfect............he said well she is to me......that's when i through the cabbage and hit is head and it rolled down the street..............
I didn't make his coffee right........now if he calls i make exactly how Ive always made it.........and always ask is that OK..............never one complaint lol.............
He said i too was too controlling............i said NO h...........i said what you call controlling is me is/was supporting you...........if i was controlling i would be like o/w with a doglead around your neck.............i said you had freedom to do what you wanted because i trusted you..........you abused that trust............and now o/w is controlling you because she knows your a cheat and doesn't trust you
I didn't leave the kids just you
In the past when i would truth dart him..............he would reply and say i thought you had changed obviously not...........me why do i need to change all i do is tell the truth........so now you want me to become a liar just like you
We were once having a texting WAR ............and he called me a name cant even remember what it was ...........but i remember texting back WHOOPS check your phone me thinks its confusing me for your owr..........no reply to that one
Ive plenty more but think Ive typed too much already lol............
When i look back its crazy but back then i was so hurt...............if someone would have said to me you will be laughing about all this one day i would have been like :o :o :o but I'm not I'm ;D ;D ;D ::) ::) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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OMG the potatoes and cabbage!!! Lol!!!!
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H you totally controlled me with your face.
This made me laugh but it also caused me think about W and how throughout our relationship she could look at me with her doey eyes, blink a few times and make any resistance I might have offered futile. :-\ :)
You maybe under estimating the power of your face Superdog. :)
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that's when i through the cabbage and hit is head and it rolled down the street.............
Was it the cabbage or his head rolling down the street? :)
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Drum roll please...
I got "You never trusted me"!!!
I also got "You are always right about everything", "You didn't like the way I kissed", "I'll always care about you", "We are like roommates", "You spend too much $$$" ( I guess he was counting the thousands of dollars he was spending to sneak off with schmoopie during the work day as my expense).
A classic was "I tried" when asked if we could go to counseling and try and save our marriage. I'm not sure if you count the time boinking schmoopie as the time you were trying to save your marriage.
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"You didn't have faith in me. She has faith in me." ;D
(To do what, I'll never know. Pay her bills? I think that "I have faith in you" is OP script.)
Problem is, I had way too MUCH faith in him, and look where it got us. >:(
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With Gods Help!, that had me laughing out loud. Sorry you went through it, but thanks for sharing.
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I am laughing out loud for the first time in a long time. Thank you for starting this thread. The potatoes and cabbage were too funny. The "town bike"....hahaha!
Prior to BD my partner had a checkup. The results had been on the counter for weeks, where he had put them, ( low t, low vitamin d, ), all of which can cause depression...anyway I mentioned my concern with the tests, mentioned these things could cause depression. He became very upset, wanted to know where I got his medical records, accused me of breaking in, stealing them from his doctor???!!!! All the while there they were, and had been for weeks, on the table a few feet from him! Where he had put them!
Told me he was praying for me nightly that I would meet someone as wonderful as the ow!!!
Found him walking down a street, with his car parked by his dentist's office. Stopped and asked him what he was doing. Told me he left the nursing home where his dad was because the nurse's were changing him, decided to drive somewhere and go for a walk and then go back and see his dad. This is making no sense to me as I had sat at the nursing home many times while nurses worked on his dad and we had never left as it only took a few minutes.
Later, I found out where the ow lived. He was walking in front of her house that night.
Told me I was in denial and needed help because we were finished and I wasn't accepting it. (2 days after BD)
Ok folks, the topper....drum roll please....due to medical issues and medicine he was taking he had issues with ED. Day after BD,(2nd BD when I found out about ow) he supposedly had had 2 dates with her at this point, was practicing out loud how he would tell ow.. wanted my input...are you kidding me????????!!!!!!
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Who could ever forget my H saying "OW never wanted to be an OW! She wants NOTHING to do with a married man! That's why she watched for a month and decided you didn't love me. So it's OK." :o :o :o Plus I never met her or saw her in my life, but she watched for a month and decided I didn't love my husband. ::)
And to our Ds 8 and 10 at the BD time "OW and me and Mommy will all be friends. We'll go to the diner." :P
My favorite so far is Phoenix "what's the matter haven't you ever beeen dumped before?"
That's psychotic! And the norm for all of us!
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A classic was "I tried" when asked if we could go to counseling and try and save our marriage. I'm not sure if you count the time boinking schmoopie as the time you were trying to save your marriage
I got this one too! Now I'm getting it when he can't pay child support.
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A classic was "I tried" when asked if we could go to counseling and try and save our marriage. I'm not sure if you count the time boinking schmoopie as the time you were trying to save your marriage.
Yep. A classic.
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Told me I was in denial and needed help because we were finished and I wasn't accepting it. (2 days after BD)
Brokenhearted: I have heard this one too, almost word for word. He just doesn't understand why I can't move on. Really? We were together 22 years! Ugh.
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There is a humorous book called, When Parents Text. I think these should all be compiled into a book called, When MLCers Speak. ;D
I am envious of your face, Superdog. I could use some of that power as I go through the legal process.
Phoenix
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I got that too, "Move forward , let go move on" Didn't phase me since he was texting me at midnight and I wasn't texting him. LOL!
In the beginning the things H said made me :o :o :o
Now my left brain right brain thinking allows me to anticpate that some wild weird interaction could take place at drop offs and picks ups but I don't let it anymore... :P
Always the MLCer will speak of random things like junk mail or a yard sale or whatever. Acting like we don't care freaks them out though. Even if their masks hide it! Otherwise this wouldn't be happening. It's too weird.
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Told me I was in denial and needed help because we were finished and I wasn't accepting it. (2 days after BD)
Brokenhearted: I have heard this one too, almost word for word. He just doesn't understand why I can't move on. Really? We were together 22 years! Ugh.
I got this one aswell , he even sent me a list of Councellors . So helpful :)
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Dancing in the Rain, do we have the same H? I got:
Why do you always have to be right?
We were more like roommates.
I'm going to live a life that's well below your standards. :o
Others:
I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks.
You're a good mom, just not a good wife.
Now I have a better idea of what I need in a wife than I did 20 years ago.
I don't want to give you false hope.
Who knows, maybe in two years we can all go on vacation together!
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Oh the "False Hope " , that is a classic , along with "if I speak to you it will give you some hope ".
:)
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Told me I was in denial and needed help because we were finished and I wasn't accepting it. (2 days after BD)
Brokenhearted: I have heard this one too, almost word for word. He just doesn't understand why I can't move on. Really? We were together 22 years! Ugh.
I got this one aswell , he even sent me a list of Councellors . So helpful :)
I forgot about it until you mentioned but I got a version of this as well:
You know we don't work together. Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable. I'm not going to throw you out into the street. I don't hate you.
Could I just say :o :o :o :o :o ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
This wasn't even in person - all done over the phone. I think that's also Script - whether it's text, email or phonecalls - it's avoiding face-to-face...
x
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Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable.
Almost word for word (he didn't suggest online probably because it would mean effort on his part)! The whole "it's only amicable if you don't have a lawyer and just let me walk away with no responsibility" thing would be funny if it weren't so infuriating.
Oh, and if I say anything that makes any sense, even if it's totally unrelated, he will yell, "But I'm not trying to hurt you!".
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CB . Oh yes cant possibly speak to us face to face . Mine will only use his work email, maybe OW checks his phone , mine cant contact me at the moment because he needs to get his emotions sorted . :) :)
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Last nights text gave me the 'you are a great mom and a bad wife', which he then followed up with that is why he 'shut down and became a bad husband'. He's mentioned 'false hope' a hundred times. Only wants to text me as he says our conversations are back and forths over the same things.
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Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable.
Almost word for word (he didn't suggest online probably because it would mean effort on his part)! The whole "it's only amicable if you don't have a lawyer and just let me walk away with no responsibility" thing would be funny if it weren't so infuriating.
Oh, and if I say anything that makes any sense, even if it's totally unrelated, he will yell, "But I'm not trying to hurt you!".
WOW, mine, too!
Just the word, "Amicable." Most overused MLC word, early on, when they are all infatuated.
"We can keep this amicable. We don't need lawyers. We can go through mediation. It will save a lot of money."
See? Easy! I've got it alllllllllll figured out! And we'll all be friends, and you two women can dote on me! Awesome!
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Last nights text gave me the 'you are a great mom and a bad wife', which he then followed up with that is why he 'shut down and became a bad husband'. He's mentioned 'false hope' a hundred times. Only wants to text me as he says our conversations are back and forths over the same things.
AH: I got this one constantly. He will only text me. And lately he texts in the middle of the night. Huh?
I got the we can do it on the internet crap too and it is going to be amicable. I will never abandon my kids. Huh, REALLY?!
Oh the "False Hope " , that is a classic , along with "if I speak to you it will give you some hope ".
Yep. My H won't speak to me or ask how I am because it will give me false hope. What? You are sleeping with the OW, how can I have hope? Ugh.
This thread has really helped me to understand MLC that they all are almost textbook. We should write a book. LOL.
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I keep checking this thread every day...soooo funny. It really should be compiled into a book...
I remembered a few more remarks from H's bottomless well of stupid:
"All you ever cooked for the kids were fish sticks and fries" ( such total BS...I LOVE to cook! )
Said to 3 of our 4 kids : "I've done my time in the tank with the shark ( meaning marriage to me), now I'm going to take my chances swimming with the piranha" (meaning dating I guess ??? )
" The OW cares more about your kids than you do...she brought them a pie at Thanksgiving" Hmmmm.... I suppose you can trade your dad for a pie, in this case it might have been a good deal...
"I'm going to pray for you, that God frees you from these demons that are inside you". Such classic projection.
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I also got so and so had an affair and their OK.............i said if you mean having no friends and family is worth it all this heartache then more fool you.........
today my h called after i asked him not to ............brought me a lovely sandwich...........ha that's what happens when you tell them as it is.......anyway he went to a funeral yesterday i should have gone but could not.......anyways i find out that the man who is 49 yrs old had an heartache at o/w's house and died (hes been married over 25 yrs) ow found him when she got home..........he had been seeing her 2 and half yrs (mlc me thinks).....i found out the o/w comes from the same area as H's o/w ..........so when he calls and were discussing the funeral..........i said its disgusting what that o/w put the dead mans wife through.........i also said to h........o/w comes from same the same area as your o/w i said are they all $l()ts that live up there and do they go around on tandam bikes riding anything that moves............h looked like this :o :o :o said I'm not arguing......Well how could he...........that poor wife is heart broken..........o/w was out drinking and socialising the day after his death >:( >:(
Me.........why are you with o/w you know you don't love her
H what i do and how i feel as nothing to do with you get on with your own life
me....i would if you stopped texting me every minute of the day.........IL remember that though the next time you need to talk
h....NO i didn't mean that I'm sorry..........newbies this is much further along in the process though
H you need to lose my last name.......me i don't think so with all the sh it you have put me through Ive bloody earned it
h well divorce me then........i said no way am not paying for a D...........if you want one you do but make sure you cite adultery as the reason........i want o/w named and shamed in the newspaper.........h never asked again lol
h said my voice irritated him.....that's when he knew we were done.....(he had met o/w a few months before, i didn't know)
its funny that cos now when i don't talk h asks me whats wrong lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable.
Almost word for word (he didn't suggest online probably because it would mean effort on his part)! The whole "it's only amicable if you don't have a lawyer and just let me walk away with no responsibility" thing would be funny if it weren't so infuriating.
Oh, and if I say anything that makes any sense, even if it's totally unrelated, he will yell, "But I'm not trying to hurt you!".
WOW, mine, too!
Just the word, "Amicable." Most overused MLC word, early on, when they are all infatuated.
"We can keep this amicable. We don't need lawyers. We can go through mediation. It will save a lot of money."
See? Easy! I've got it alllllllllll figured out! And we'll all be friends, and you two women can dote on me! Awesome!
yep, me too!
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Me.........why are you with o/w you know you don't love her
H what i do and how i feel as nothing to do with you get on with your own life
me....i would if you stopped texting me every minute of the day.........IL remember that though the next time you need to talk
h....NO i didn't mean that I'm sorry..........newbies this is much further along in the process though
I got a version of this the other day, WGH.
My H said, for the millionth time, that he wanted me out of the Company. I said he'd have to buy me out, and pay X, Y and Z. He said great
I said, you know that means you are REALLY choosing to give up your family.
He said yes.
I said, you're going to have to leave me alone then. There will be no more coming around here to talk to me.
He looked really alarmed, and said, But I have to. We need to have these business talks. :o :o :o
On his way out, he apologised if he said anything that hurt my feelings.
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Early on - I am no longer prepared to live by your or your children's morals :o :o :o Huh?
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H: I'm changing, you're not letting me change
me: we are both changing, let's change together
H: I don't want to change with you
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Change should be a separate category!
You've changed.
You never changed.
Said within hours of each other. :o
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I got the we can do it on the internet crap too and it is going to be amicable. I will never abandon my kids. Huh, REALLY?!
Oh I got this too. He said.
"We don't need to get the state involved, we can figure this our ourselves." (Oh yeah, because the state would garnish the child support you should be paying!)
And this.
"I'm not leaving our s10. He is the most important thing to me." (This right before he called us on the way home from church to tell us he was moving out before we got back.) :o :o
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Me.........why are you with o/w you know you don't love her
H what i do and how i feel as nothing to do with you get on with your own life
me....i would if you stopped texting me every minute of the day.........IL remember that though the next time you need to talk
h....NO i didn't mean that I'm sorry..........newbies this is much further along in the process though
I got a version of this the other day, WGH.
My H said, for the millionth time, that he wanted me out of the Company. I said he'd have to buy me out, and pay X, Y and Z. He said great
I said, you know that means you are REALLY choosing to give up your family.
He said yes.
I said, you're going to have to leave me alone then. There will be no more coming around here to talk to me.
He looked really alarmed, and said, But I have to. We need to have these business talks. :o :o :o
On his way out, he apologised if he said anything that hurt my feelings.
Kikki this is brilliant! Absolutely priceless!
Why do we bother talking to these MLCers?
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Folks,
If I don't start at the tail end of this thread, I'm never going to catch up. But I have to say I've been in stiches. Sorry, I can't remember the names, but the fat dog cracked me up. And the one about you cook too much.
I have MANY to add, so I'll just debut here with one or two of the best. The first I have posted elsewhere but it's worth another outing, I think.
(To S) Your mother never bought me an Easter Egg in 20 years of marriage.
She and I (ie OW and me) don't have what you and I had (ie H and wife). No, really?
You're chalk and cheese - I can't decide between you. But sex is very high on my agenda right now. (Sub-text, so you loose.)
You smother me, you're just like my mother. On a different day: I had a nervous breakdown and you didn't even notice.
You're thin, but you're not thin enough. (At size 12)
When did we last have sex three times a night? ;D Sorry, this is now cracking me up. Actually, very, very often in our early days - like everybody else's early days.
(To S) Your mother and I are going through some weird stuff right now. Anyway, it's all her fault. And she's not as upset as she appears to be. (Right... That figures.)
UK-S
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Let's talk about your faults as a wife....
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Superdog - controlling with your face!?!? ;D
I am literally now rolling on the floor.
UK -S
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H: This is difficult for me, too, you know.
(After some tears). Oh it's all about you, isn't it!!!
You're so self-absorbed.
You never listen. ;)
When I was literally on knees, after being asked to 'hang in there' and then dropped from the radar for several weeks, until I confronted him again: At least now you know what it feels like to be rejected.
You haven't paid any attention to me for years.
Of OW
She's a very special person.
Don't blame it on the OW.
It's not about the OW.
You'd hate her. (No, really?)
There are things about her I don't like (tries to back-track a little at this point.)
Wait for it......
She flirts. (You are kidding, right? The schmoosie goes after other men? :o Who knew?)
But then again folks....
She's a free spirit.
And you all know there's nothing like a free spirit when your expenditure is mounting, your offspring hardly knows you, your stomach is expanding and you're, well, frankly, a little bit lost. 8)
UK -S
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Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable.
Almost word for word (he didn't suggest online probably because it would mean effort on his part)! The whole "it's only amicable if you don't have a lawyer and just let me walk away with no responsibility" thing would be funny if it weren't so infuriating.
Oh, and if I say anything that makes any sense, even if it's totally unrelated, he will yell, "But I'm not trying to hurt you!".
Damn, this is incredible. My XW said this word-for-word. She said that she would pay the attorney and that all I had to do was go to his office and initial where he told me to. Really? I'm to trust a guy on your payroll with my and my kids financial security? Uh, yeah, about that.....
WOW, mine, too!
Just the word, "Amicable." Most overused MLC word, early on, when they are all infatuated.
"We can keep this amicable. We don't need lawyers. We can go through mediation. It will save a lot of money."
See? Easy! I've got it alllllllllll figured out! And we'll all be friends, and you two women can dote on me! Awesome!
yep, me too!
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UK Stander, you reminded me of another one that irks the h*ll out of me, said to D repeatedly:
No matter what's going on between me and your mother, I'll always ... (be your Dad, love you, etc.)
To which I always think - there's nothing going on between him and me; it's what's going on in his head and between him and OW that's the problem!
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A few more bloopers from my H ::).....
Its not you its me..... :o
I couldn't make you happy....
Don't worry....you will find someone else.....
OW is from school......(oh that makes the affair alright then....tut)
I would be very sad to loose you as a friend.... ???
Its for the best.....
We may get back together when its all sorted out....(he means when Ive sold my home and cleared his debt)
I've told Ow I will never fall out with you....
Ow doesn't hate you.....(Im amused by this one... :o)
Ow....doesn't have much...(so she couldn't lend him any money....so he asked ME to lend him some...hahaha)
You have been a wonderful wife.....but its not enough ??? ??? ???
The boys will understand....... :-[
Its time to start living....rather than just existing....
To the boys.....I have never cheated on your mother in all our marriage....(er we are still married!!!)
You are going through the menopause....i can't help you
You are a nice person... :)
I don't like you as a person... ???
i don't like your cooking anymore....
Your long hair annoys me.....it falls out when you brush it :o (hes just jealous...cos hes BALD)
You fidget in bed ;D (This is true...i have no defense...guilty as charged 8))
I luv this thread :)
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This thread is so funny.
Early on my h said he hoped I would meet someone too and we could all get along and go out together.
I didnt know about mlc at that point and I was just so flabbergasted.
I also got the its not you its me, even refered to me being the normal one, he was right on that one lol.
x
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This thread is so funny.
Early on my h said he hoped I would meet someone too and we could all get along and go out together.
I didnt know about mlc at that point and I was just so flabbergasted.
I also got the its not you its me, even refered to me being the normal one, he was right on that one lol.
x
What I picture in my head is hiring an escort, and actually going out on a double date. I want this to be part of a movie one day... I see your H (or anybody's) just freaking out!
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You haven't sent me cards in years.
I was so angry; it was necessary to leave. Now the anger is gone. I remember it, but I don't feel it now.
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Always hope my h did freak out one night not too long a go this man said to my h he fancied me but i was having none of it because he was too young ......my h asked who he was talking about the guy pointed to me............my h looked >:( >:( and said THATS MY WIFE!!!!
OM looked at me and then looked at h and said NO WAY lol!!!!.........h said yes she is so you better leave her alone..........o/m followed me all over until h threatened to knock his head off :o :o..........poor man was so upset he said to h i finally find someone whom I'm attracted to and she happens to be married..........this was not long before h said he knew i would meet someone and although he would be upset because he couldn't image me texting another man other but he would have to accept it lol............. these MLCers I'm convinced have come from another planet and are finally exhibiting their true identity ALIENS ??? :o ;Dxxxxxxxxxxx
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-there's a reason we (!!!) separated
-I still love you but not in the way you want me too (he's never answered when I've asked him how exactly that is)
- I tried my best ???
-I just want to reclaim my life and Stay Alive (now literally tatooed on ;D)
-It's important for me and I have to do this (I believe this one, and I wouldn't want him as he is now, but I miss the H I married every day..sigh!!)
-It's just between us...why do you bring the kids into it?
-but we can still have other relationships... (after having told me that his pschologist told him that a long-term relationship never ends with separation and we can still be friends)
-I'm telling you because I respect you...(about OW#2, in an email after having started the relationship before he left when he had the chance to tell me face to face)
-you snore
-you have never accepted your part in the break-up...I've had to carry this burden
-I had difficulty separating my admiration for your affection (!) for me from my fear of abandonment but now I know they are different. I can't come back...too guilty, I'd lose all self respect.
I could go on and on,and at only 2.5 years post BD, I suspect there's a lot more to come.
Thank God for this site. It's so good to laugh xxx
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This thread is so funny.
Early on my h said he hoped I would meet someone too and we could all get along and go out together.
I didnt know about mlc at that point and I was just so flabbergasted.
I also got the its not you its me, even refered to me being the normal one, he was right on that one lol.
x
My XW told me that we would both meet other people and "be one big happy family." She said that surely I had seen how other families all get along and get together on holidays and stuff. Uh, no, not one that I can think of. In her own family the only example even close would be her brother and ex-SIL who used to drop off her nephew on holidays and come in and say hi. But, whenever she would even come in for a minute XW's brother and his new W would bolt out the door and back home as they refused to be in the same house as her. They even walked out of our wedding before it started when she showed up. We were both upset at them for years after that but it's long over now.
Hmmm, maybe I will meet someone and we can build a house next to XW and lawyer boy (or whatever OM she ends up with) and we can have cookouts together.........
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Reading these is bringing back memories. This one was not right at BD, but a few months later:
I have the oh, so strong feeling that this is all a dream and I'll wake up at X Street (house we lived in last).
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Well I was a $h!tety wife,not just a bad wife.
Hmmmm,working a full time job,raising four kids,cleaning up after everyone and taking classes isnt enough anymore.
Im never coming back,but he still comes home,about once or twice a week now.
All you ever say is I,I,I
He told our kids he didnt abandon them.Funny thing is he went to work one day and didnt come home.Bought a slide in truck camper without anyone knowing and sleeps in it in his workshop. :PWhen he left he said nothing.I didnt know if he was going to pay the bills or anything.
You should find a boyfriend so you have someone else to bother.
He told his sister this one - I think its best I move on but I will be upset when she finds someone else!
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When I explained how insecure I felt about him possibly having an affair he sat me down in the bathroom and said "all my friends fancy you!" :o
I just can't bear the thought of you with someone else
I'm bewitched by you
We just need to get away from each other
Trouble is I just don't like anyone else as much as I like you
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You never listen...you make all the decisions
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Mine just said "Going on that field trip with D13 and the other 7th graders, makes up for anything I ever did wrong in my whole life!"
Me: :o :o :o :o
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Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable.
Almost word for word (he didn't suggest online probably because it would mean effort on his part)! The whole "it's only amicable if you don't have a lawyer and just let me walk away with no responsibility" thing would be funny if it weren't so infuriating.
Oh, and if I say anything that makes any sense, even if it's totally unrelated, he will yell, "But I'm not trying to hurt you!".
WOW, mine, too!
Just the word, "Amicable." Most overused MLC word, early on, when they are all infatuated.
"We can keep this amicable. We don't need lawyers. We can go through mediation. It will save a lot of money."
See? Easy! I've got it alllllllllll figured out! And we'll all be friends, and you two women can dote on me! Awesome!
yep, me too!
Yeh, the whole amicable thing is just part of the denial that they're projecting all their anger and venom. If they say amicable enough then surely they're nice. Eh, no! ::)
This is such a useful thread - especially for newbies. Not long after BD 2 close friends also started putting pressure on me to be more amicable and not involve lawyers. I confronted them that my H must've gotten into their heads - it was EXACTLY what he'd been telling me. They didn't like that but I know, now seeing that it is pure Script, that that's EXACTLY what happened. This KNOWLEDGE is not just hilariously funny (in retrospect) but also pretty darn powerful.... Confirms that none of us are going mad... :D
:) x
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Not long after BD 2 close friends also started putting pressure on me to be more amicable and not involve lawyers. I confronted them that my H must've gotten into their heads - it was EXACTLY what he'd been telling me. They didn't like that but I know, now seeing that it is pure Script, that that's EXACTLY what happened.
Unless you've been through it personally, you cannot understand that what comes out of the MLCer's mouth is complete bull. And, as a casual, innocent (not so innocent, in some cases) bystander/friend, it is easy to get sucked into what sounds like rational discourse from the MLCer--all the trite little clichés that people love to spout. Why, we could have a section called "Bystander script," couldn't we? Stuff like, "Oh, you must be amicable." Or, "Oh, you really need to move on." Or, one of the most gag-worthy, also said by MLCer's, "Oh, children are resilient." All you can do is smile and thank them for their concern. It's really not worth arguing with them, because, in their ignorance, you will look like the bitter, nasty one.
Grr!
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Unless you've been through it personally, you cannot understand that what comes out of the MLCer's mouth is complete bull. And, as a casual, innocent (not so innocent, in some cases) bystander/friend, it is easy to get sucked into what sounds like rational discourse from the MLCer--all the trite little clichés that people love to spout. Why, we could have a section called "Bystander script," couldn't we? Stuff like, "Oh, you must be amicable." Or, "Oh, you really need to move on." Or, one of the most gag-worthy, also said by MLCer's, "Oh, children are resilient." All you can do is smile and thank them for their concern. It's really not worth arguing with them, because, in their ignorance, you will look like the bitter, nasty one.
Grr!
Yep, so true NR :) And sage advice there not to get drawn into any of these discussions with these Bystanders. They have often made up their mind already. Baffling as it seems they seem to look for a reason why the MLC-er has behaved so badly. Me, you, all of us must've done something to cause this. As if we are some kind of crisis catalyst. It is the most basic notion and for that reason also ridiculous. None of these people have even Googled depression, but they know it all... LOL I am properly getting on my high horse about this, but these people are toxic - even if they don't mean to be.
I think the whole not understanding something until you go through it goes for many facets of life. If you have no experience sometimes it's difficult/impossible to relate. And that reminds me of some other classics from Mr CB:
If your mum hadn't died everything would be fine - none of this would've happened :o
and
When I was cheating on you I thought your mum would haunt me, but she didn't so I carried on ::)
Brilliant idea to start a Bystander thread because those people can be (unwittingly) toxic. The more and the sooner newbies know this the better - more power and more protection...
:) x
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One of my closest friends acts like she gets MLC and then says "OK so if he's not normal by Labor Day you'll file?" lol
At BD I asked "Are you gonna have some guy throw blue divorce papers in my face?"
He said "Oh no I don't want to have lawyers or anything like that..."
Me: :o :o :o
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My H said
-we are not good for each other anymore
-OW is not the reason for him wanting divorce
-I was lazy and didn't do anything about my life
And this one is my favorite
- he said to me: I am not even happy going to yoga anymore.... And I don't know why I just can't pin point it .....:))))
Forever.....
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You never listen...you make all the decisions
XW told me a few days after BD that I have NEVER let her pick out any of our vehicles or be in on any big decisions. This was said as we were sitting in the porch swing together looking at the two vehicles SHE picked out and took me to look at after the fact. The one we traded off for the minivan she had bought before I had so much as seen it.
XW also told me on the day she moved into her "mansion in the ghetto" that this all happened because several years ago she had wanted to buy end tables and I talked her out of it. "If only I had been able to buy those end tables....." Yes, she really said that!!
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You never listen...you make all the decisions
XW told me a few days after BD that I have NEVER let her pick out any of our vehicles or be in on any big decisions. This was said as we were sitting in the porch swing together looking at the two vehicles SHE picked out and took me to look at after the fact. The one we traded off for the minivan she had bought before I had so much as seen it.
XW also told me on the day she moved into her "mansion in the ghetto" that this all happened because several years ago she had wanted to buy end tables and I talked her out of it. "If only I had been able to buy those end tables....." Yes, she really said that!!
This is priceless thundarr!!!
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This thread got me a bit nervous initially...my H doesn't seem to say quite the same things so I got to wondering if mine is really MLC. I don't know why that matters but it does. But then i got a few "hits"
It's not you it's me
I'm in a bad place, I'm not happy and I haven't been happy for a long time
We drifted apart
We've become different people (yea 25 years and 2 kids will do that)
You'll find someone else
You're a good person but I just can't be with you any more
iLYBINILWY
I still care about you but my feelings have changed
It is what it is
Why are you upset? We've talked about this. (We haven't)
Home is not the haven it used to me
I felt marginalised in my own home (well, join in instead of sitting on the sidelines)
We were too insular ( what does that even mean?)
I was too organised, kept the house too tidy
Regarding MC: it won't change anything for me but it might help me find the words to tell you why I need to leave
I don't know what the future hold, or where I'll be, coz I've got no ties (ummmm....2 children?)
Regarding OW to.D11: it's not serious
To D18 who suggested he tell me about OW before telling D11: why would I tell her? (Maybe coz I'm your wife and the mother of the 11 year old you are about to devastate)
There, i feel better now.
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3L--I forgot this!
Regarding MC: it won't change anything for me but it might help me find the words to tell you why I need to leave
The hster said, I'll go just to help you through this...
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We've become different people (yea 25 years and 2 kids will do that)
this is so true, of course we have changed!!!!
I felt marginalised in my own home (well, join in instead of sitting on the sidelines)
I got this one, slight variation "you pushed me out, you never let me bond with our baby daughter" .... Uhm, you were working ALL the time and never here!
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Lots of MLC hits there LoveLaughLive :)
There is some that is pure script - such as ILYBIANILWU
and then there is a lot where they want to run and use any excuse to justify it, all the while blaming us. Yup - your H is having a MLC.
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3L--I forgot this! Regarding MC: it won't change anything for me but it might help me find the words to tell you why I need to leave
The hster said, I'll go just to help you through this...
Mine too... do they actually believe this???
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Here's a good one. Yesterday on a schoolbus field trip D13 says to H "Daddy the mood stone we gave you to hold turned black. That means anxious. What are you anxious about?"
He says "Whenever we talk about Mommy I get anxious."
She says "Oh but we weren't talking about Mommy." :o :o :o
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LLL,
Don't worry, your H seems to be following the script closer than you can yet realize. In time you will have more clarity over what has transpired and what still is to. You reminded me of a couple more from my XW:
- We could go to counseling to learn to co-parent. That would have to be the only thing we go for. I'm afraid if we go you will find a way to save this marriage and I don't want to take a chance on that. (We never went, but re-read that last sentence again.....)
- (To her cousin on FB who offered her condolences when she found out) - It's okay, it's what I wanted and I know the kids will be okay as long as I'm happy. And Thundarr will be okay. He's a therapist. He'll know what to do." So, I'm not allowed to be hurt because I'm a therapist?.....
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My H thought I would be fine because I had my children and so many friends. So therefore it was alright for me :0/
It doesn't matter how many friends you have (I know this helps), but when your whole world/life is ripped apart - you will not feel 'fine' for a VERY long time!
X
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My H thought I would be fine because I had already been through one divorce in my life. I was like :o :o :o :o :o
Yes, I trade H's in like some people trade in used cars! >:(
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Love the one liners. I keep remembering them.
He said at BD "I am with a REAL friend now! If you were my friend you'd be HAPPY for me." :o
And "you were probably thinking I ran off with some young college chippy but she's old like us and smart like us." :o :o :o
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Love the one liners. I keep remembering them.
He said at BD "I am with a REAL friend now! If you were my friend you'd be HAPPY for me." :o
And "you were probably thinking I ran off with some young college chippy but she's old like us and smart like us." :o :o :o
When XW was first moving into her "mansion in the ghetto," I was in FIL's truck with her and we got a drink in a drive-thru and XW started telling me what lawyer boy likes in his coffee for some reason. She went on to say that they have everything in common and have the same sense of humor. She said they have a mind-link and he knows her better than anyone. Uh, let's see, she knew this loser for 5 or 6 years and never had one iota of interest in him but now he's like a combination of Superman and Professor X? What changed about him? Or, perhaps she was projecting on him to be her ideal man. Funny thing is that many (most?) of the things she said she liked about him were things about me that she said she hated at BD. Really? I asked her to tell me one thing she didn't like about him and she looked at me as if I was speaking Klingon or something. Just a blank, empty stare and with no answer.
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My H thought I would be fine because I had my children and so many friends. So therefore it was alright for me :0/
My H said almost exactly the same thing. He also said theat there'd be no point in MC as he had so much work to do on himself and so many layers to sift through. I tend to agree with him on that one...it probablywould have been a waste of time then. Like LLL, I often wonder if he is really MLC as it seems that he is ready to ask himself the big questions and can be quite self-aware, but then I think of all the crazy things he has done/said which follow the script . I'm pretty sure he's still running too.
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New thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3528.new#new