I didn’t think about it at the time but mine took two trips with her friends before BD. They were with her actual friends and I’m guessing she discussed her ‘new life’ with her them during these trips. After BD I asked her what her friends thought of all this, her reply was ‘ I don’t listen to what my friends say.’
There were also hints that she was pulling away, she would hide her phone sometimes. I never thought about an AP, it never crossed my mind. I thought MLC was only guys in sports cars so I was definitely blindsided by the whole thing.

New Moon tonight (or last night depending on where you are on the planet....)

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Tonight is the New Moon in the sign of Taurus bringing with it a very intense period of new discoveries and new awakenings. Truths will be spoken and what was hidden will now be uncovered. So much of what has been suppressed is coming to the light, This New Moon is about truth and seeing what is really there and not what we want to see.
Tonight's New Moon is a good time to commit to personal goals that express the positive energies of the sign of the Bull. It's time to enjoy life's simple and physical pleasures, savor good food and enjoy activities that bring us in touch with nature and with our bodies. It's time to stop and smell the roses and to become more aware of what makes us feel comfortable and secure. With this potent Taurus energy, we have the chance to make important changes in our lives. It's time to make some solid yet realistic plans and to set the stage for reaping the rewards from our new beginnings.
This will be an emotional New Moon, Your feelings may become overwhelming, you may feel a flood of different emotions all coming at you all at once, you may even find yourself becoming empathic and feeling others emotions. We may find that we have been carrying around a lot of heavy emotional energy that belongs to our friends, lovers or relatives and we will need to recognize that it is time to try to off load it and to stop feeling responsible for how other people feel.
The New Moon is about strengthening our sense of security. It is a time for re-evaluating our relationship with money and possessions and to figure out what it is that truly makes us happy and fulfilled. It's a time for considering new ways of increasing our income or earning power. We should be concentrating on what it is we can do to increase our own feelings of self-worth. We are asked to get in touch with what it is that we truly value and want in our lives and to part with those things or situations that are not contributing to our feelings of worthiness. This includes identifying those things that give us a false sense of security.
This is a time for getting back to to nature and seeing the beauty all around us at the moment, trees are full with foliage, flowers are starting to open up and bloom, fields are lush and green, days are bright and warm, birds are singing. Look at the beauty in our lives and be grateful for all you have. Try to stay positive and steer clear of negativity, look at the good things in your life and look at how to improve the bad things. Taurus gives us strength so now is a good time to get any tough jobs done you may have been putting off.
Use this New Moon to grow both materialistically and spiritually. Nature is giving us so many gifts at the moment don't be afraid to take them and to dream of bigger and better things, ask for more, do more, be more. Look at what may be holding you back and get rid of it. This is a powerful time of healing and cleansing our spirits, to release the old and stale energy to allow a new and more positive energy in.

Thank you Title. I’m so sorry you were put through so much with a new baby. It’s always mind-blowing all the different stories. I think the lack of empathy is the hardest to comprehend when your a person of extreme empathy.

My daughter had her third and final child in April. A boy names after her father’s Dad. So she has 2 children that have never met their grandfather. Out kids have no contact with any of their fathers family at all.  It has been over 4 years since his kids have seen him and i think over a year with no communication at all. It’s truly shocking that a father who lost a daughter is not involved with his kids or grandkids. He is a ghost. After 30 years.

One thing I have come to realize is that in order to live that disconnected you really can’t ever truly connect with anything. It has to be a pretty superficial life of numbness.

Hi Allie,

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate....... here is my 2 cents 

It's so easy for the LBS to forget that their MLC'er is a broken person. Broken. Not fully functional, not partially functional. Broken. No function.
We want to see what we loved, and wonder "where are they?", "will they come back?", "I want one more glimpse of them - the person I loved".
In your case - he passed away before you could even see if he could put himself back together. That is tragic, heck, MLC itself is tragic.

The truth is, no matter if he would have been able to reconstitute himself or not, the exact man you knew was gone the moment he broke.
That is one of the bitter things we discover as LBS: That person, that personality, that unique fingerprint we knew is finished. It will never be THAT person ever again. They have changed from damage - and we change from that same damage.

What I would say is: You loved that man for 24 years........ you were his, and he was yours. It was completely and totally real. No question.
The break which is MLC produces something else, someone else.
When you look at all he did towards the end - that isn't the man you knew, is it? No it isn't. I'm sure the earlier version would be aghast if he could have looked and seen the later version.
So you see, you had the best, you had his best, and he had yours....... that was your time, and that was love.

You aren't saying goodbye to the broken human, you're saying goodbye to the husband you remember, and loved.
That's why it's so hard. That's why it's so difficult to let go.

Here is your comfort: You remember HIM. You are the only one who does and will, in the way you knew him.
Like an album of pictures, so is your life. You get to take out the photos of him at the end, because those were the broken human.
Look at the good years, the good times, and all you were blessed with....... and smile.
After a time, you will close that book and put it on the coffee table. A while later it'll be on the bookshelf.

New pictures will be made and placed in that book of your life, but always you will be the keeper of memories. There is no reason to honor the broken human, but there's every reason to remember the person from before. 

Take care sweet AllieKat,

-SS

I understand but I think his death makes it harder. Im still the wife but now the widow so its like grief all over again or maybe it never stopped. So instead of just being hurt I was blindsided and left now its those plus he died tragically. I feel like just stopping isn’t helping me either. Maybe its just time I need but at this point I just cant imagine loving anyone lime I did him for 24 years