Hello my friend and it is good to hear from you,
I hope the grand baby is doing well and the rest of your family as well. I read your post and went back to some of my responses and one that I thought summed up what I was trying to state and did so much more eloquently.
XW had a string of losers and poor decisions after that and currently is with probably the biggest loser she's been with and has been for almost 10 years.
You know her behaviors and her actions for almost fifteen years now. However, you still want to be connected to her even as she continues to disrupt yours and your children's lives whenever given the opportunity. She borrowed money from her oldest daughter, meets the occasional family event, and then stirs up the pot with the children. Yet, you push this fantasy notion that somehow she is going to see the light and all of you can be one big happy family. When she disappoints you, you are crushed. That is not detachment and shows that after all these years, you still seek connection with her.
A few days later D25 ran into them at a restaurant and XW told her she owed the boyfriend an apology and it was none of her business how he talked to her (XW.) D25 said she refused to apologize to him and left the restaurant very hurt that her mother would allow someone to verbally abuse her and call her names and not take up for her.
This does not sound like a emotionally sound person who wants to raise a strong and self assured daughter. So it confuses me when you post:
At the time, XW did not even know she had dropped out of college or moved to the other state and seemed to really be concerned as well. I shared with her how her missing D25's concerts but making it to S21's has affected her and how her comment was taken about liking his section better. I was not accusatory and told her I knew she loved the kids equally and that she would never do anything to hurt either of them. That was a white lie on my part as I believe she has always seen D25 as a younger version of her and projected her self-hatred onto D25, possibly unwittingly. She agreed to talk to D25 and see if she could get through to her. Unfortunately, being the scumbag parent she is she ended up giving D25 a 'You go, girl!" and told her how proud she was of her and was glad she was happy.
If she didn't know about D25's choices, that meant D25 didn't want her to know. Then you try to manipulate your ex to suddenly do the "right" thing? That would be the same for me to give a bottle of vodka to an alcoholic and tell them to give it to one of my friend's tomorrow. Then be upset that my friend didn't get the bottle. I posted this to you back in 2022.
This is why it is best not to have anything to do with her as her actions have not changed one bit since she left. Yes, she shows up to some family functions and helps present the "friendly" co-parenting exes, but it is all an illusion. Her priority is herself and this is evidenced by her willingness to solicit money from her own kids to support her lifestyle. That is a huge red flag.
Four years later, nothing has changed. Your interactions with her continue to put you on a rollercoaster where you go from comparing your fiancee as your ex 2.0 to posts about how much you hate your ex. I really urge you to cut those hopes and dreams of everyone getting along and
You need to drop her completely and live as if she is not there at all. Take care of your family and focus on those that contribute to your world, not detract.
I wrote that several years ago as well. However, I want you to carefully read XYZCF's response.
Expecting anything at all from her sets you up for disappointment......as you know, you cannot fix her. If it feels better to close all doors, then do so, if it feels better to remember her as someone you loved deeply, the mother of your children and you can have some compassion for her in this "state" then that's fine too.
I have followed these words for the past few years and while we are not "besties" my ex and I have reached the point where we can speak to each other with respect. We don't meet often, but I can be with her and it's okay. No emotions either way, but an appreciation for the times we had together and the two wonderful daughters we raised together.
I know you are hurt by D25's actions, but she is still your baby and you have to accept her decisions, not agree, but accept them and when she comes home, welcome her back as if she has never left.
You are doing well on so many other fronts, enjoy the grandbaby, your upcoming wedding, and a full life with your friends and family. Don't let MLC keep you from truly being a peace with yourself.
(((Ready)))
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