Early this morning (in the US) was a lunar eclipse and today (the 14th) is a full moon. An eclipse can only happen at the time of a full moon so ....

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Tonight is the Full Crow Moon also known as the Worm Moon and the Sap Moon. Called the Crow Moon for the cawing crows around this time that signal the end of winter. As the earth thaws worms start to appear. And it marks the time when maple sap begins to flow and the annual tapping of maple trees begins.
The Spring Equinox is almost upon us when both day and night are at equal length we are reminded to find our own inner balance. focus inward toward inner wisdom and self-analysis. This Full Moon is in the sign of Virgo, this will give us a keen eye for detail, we will see things and people and situations in our lives with crystal clarity, a light will be illuminated allowing us to see beyond the shadows. This is a time of cultivating and growing, just as the Suns energy and nature is doing at this time. Plant the seeds of new ventures, plan for the future, think about what it is you want and need and set about putting a plan into action. Use this energy for your own personal transformation, rebirth and regrowth.
Tonight's Full Moon illuminates our inner feelings and desires, so emotions can be quite raw and enhanced. The Virgo Full Moon means we may be over critical of ourselves and of others, try not to see the bad in everything instead look for the good. The Virgo sign is a very hard working and practical sign so use its energy for getting jobs done that you have been putting off for a while. Virgo is not scared to face deep issues, so tackle any problems and bring them to an end.
This Full Moon brings light to whatever was hidden in the darkness or buried within the subconscious such as emotional pain or our deepest desires, but once awareness happens you are able to make realistic changes. Our emotional levels move like strong turbulent waves in the ocean during high tide for some during this Full Moon. Emotional reactions may be strong, energies may feel irritable or uptight. We are amidst great times of transformation which are heralding major new beginnings. Change isn't always easy or comfortable and it’s constant, so we must strive to keep our balance during these changing tides.
The world as it stands is challenged by many opposing forces now. We feel them both personally and collectively, pushing against our own will, raising difficult questions, triggering issues we would rather avoid. How we keep our own balance of light and dark and manage our own inner conflicts largely dictates how we manage outside ones. If we struggle with our own anger or hatred, telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, we will struggle to respond effectively to the anger of others, allow yourself to feel angry or upset, but don't let it take over, keep a balance. If we fear our own power, preferring to see ourselves as victim rather than creator we may succumb to the power wielded by others, adopting their thoughts and priorities, behaviors and lifestyles without discerning the right path for us. If we refuse to acknowledge our own inner selfishness that demands its own way no matter what, we may project it onto the world around us, pointing the finger of judgement and even becoming a bully. Don't suppress your feelings, embrace your light and your dark sides as one cannot exist without the other. We need both. Let go of guilt and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling without self-judgement.
Let the energy of this Full Moon wash over you and cleanse your spirit, use it to heal you both emotionally and physically. Let the moonlight bathe and sooth you mind, body and soul. let the earth element of Virgo bury negativity. Stay away from self-doubt. Seek a balance of light and dark and see the truth in your life however much it may hurt, only then can you do something about it and begin to heal.

FH: the call was not painful, it slightly got me off center. It is still surprising and it was a bit of a reminder of the early days, when I was still engaged and was constantly being belittled and attacked.

I have had many firm boundaries, and W generally holds to them or I will enforce them (which can include ending calls). There were a couple of times in the past 2 years, one time she was attacking/insulting my current partner and I repeated a couple of times firmly that it was not ok, and when she couldn't control herself I ended the call. The other time was about finances and I calmly repeated twice that if she does not want to stick to our agreement we can finalize a divorce, and the second time she calmed down and we continued.

So it's hit and miss, and as boundaries should be they are not there to control her behavior, rather to set firm lines that I will not allow to be cross and will remove myself. I have a lot of experience dealing with highly disordered people (including NPD, borderline and sociopath behaviors) and elements of her behavior pretty much overlap.

Hurrah for your sister 😜 we all need to borrow a bit of someone else’s brain now and then.

Your schoolgirl error imho (which I’m sure you know now) was to acknowledge his ‘how are you?’ by answering it. It’s such a normal question, of course, that we all use every day with people. Sometimes as a bit of polite ritual, sometimes bc we really want to know. Neither of these are probably so with these kinds of folks in these kinds of situations - I suspect it is more a door to ‘enough about you, let’s talk about me’ ha ha. But please cut yourself some grace for how plain weird it is to be dealing with people who are not so normal, much like Marvin described.

Next time imho either ignore the question completely (bc none of his business and he’s not a safe person to share any of your challenges or feelings with). Or go for the English style response of ‘Fine’ or ‘Busy’ which says nothing much at all 😜

Funnily enough, I had a nightmare a couple of weeks ago, really bad one that woke me up and left me hyperventilating a bit. Long time since that has happened. Can’t recall the details but I was in my old home and xh was there with ow and a whole bunch of her friends, and they were taking things from my house, going through drawers and cupboards, and when I called the police they said I was overreacting…..what I remember about the dream was that feeling of helplessness and surreality and being treated like I was the one who was a bit bonkers. How angry I was and how unfair and wrong it was. It was the feeling that made it one of the doozy kind of nightmares…and it took me most of the next day to shake it all off. I cannot tell you how grateful I am, irregardless of other life challenges, that the nightmare is not my day to day reality anymore! But some bit of my system obviously remembers it well, even years on….and as Marvin said, how one really can’t be exposed to too much of this kind of chaos and weirdness without it having an effect on one’s own well-being.

With a kinder eye - and not excusing your stbxh one jot for his self-created mess - I suspect some bit of him IS finding life rather difficult now. He didn’t want a divorce, I think, and it is a very real effect of his behaviour. Maybe he didn’t quite expect you to behave as you are doing, but thought you and the kids would live quietly in a cupboard until he wanted to play with you. All a bit grown up consequences for him, I suspect, plus these kinds of folks seem to major in self-pity like a marinaded fish. Well, when they are not busy with rage or bile or giddy indulgence of their specialness….but as you are probably saying to yourself more and more, ‘let them’…but you are not obliged to play or even watch the show 😝

Glad to hear your girl is fine. All the other single parents here get that reality of those moments when you are trying to get a pint of time and energy from a half-pint pot and that it is never easy. But they did it, you did it and in reality of course your stbxh would have been as much use as a chocolate teapot.

They are the perpetual victims in the narrative they create. I do feel all truth slowly reveals itself to others, but they themselves have to reflect. It can drive you insane. Some times you get a little reassurance that others see whats happening and that in itself is a little sanity in the insanity. I just had one of those and haven’t gotten to journal on it.  Keep moving foward and maybe don’t give him “ your getting stronger “ give him no insight into your anything. When you do they find a way to tune it back to them.