[Tyks]

I felt stupid every time I contacted..   Still do.

Pick yourself up and carry on.  There's nothing you can do about it now

[nah]

We tend to monkey brain more than the average LBS when we have contact b/c we have so little.

I agree with Tykes, there's nothing you can do about it now anyways.

Honestly, unless you overly viciously attack every single contact, it's a small little speed bump, that's all.

The first six months post BD I was so very proud that I stopped 98% of the messages that I wanted to send to him.  I often typed and erased, or hand wrote and ripped it up.  However a few did get by and of course once we talked he said to me, "why would I want contact with you anyways, all you do is use me as a punching bag"

Was he fire trucking serious? I truly honestly thought he would be surprised how much I didn't do... I could have gone to their work (like another boss's ex-wife did) and thrown a tantrum in front of everybody.  I knew where they lived and did not even drive by....not once.  I knew where his band was playing every weekend.  What stopped me from showing up with a tribe of angry friends?  Believe me, I had to hold my friends back.  I could have sent hundreds of messages a day, instead we went weeks without one message. 
Yet he STILL tried to point his finger at me that I was being "bitter and needed to get over it" ... Yes, at less than six months post BD, that is what he said to me.

What a d!ck.

Fast forward four years.  He initiated a touch and go.  I was mostly friendly but I admit I gave him way more jabs than I did in the early days.  When I found out our daughter was making their wedding cake; I ripped him up, down and sideways.  Guess what he did?  He contacted me just a few days later like it never happened. 

So don't sweat the small stuff.  In general, they will or will not contact according to THEIR needs.  A few blips of anger isn't going to change the game one way or another.

[heroIam]

We tend to monkey brain more than the average LBS when we have contact b/c we have so little.

 In general, they will or will not contact according to THEIR needs.  A few blips of anger isn't going to change the game one way or another.


I believe in these two statements wholeheartedly.  These ring very true for me.  So, best thing to do with contact (some great advice from ReallyTrying) is to stay neutral to positive.  Takes practice.

[MsMedfly]

ME TOO!!!

I would always feel like a total idiot when I was forced out of no contact.. Now.. Not so much..

I pick and chose IF I respond... Nine times out of ten, I say absolutely nothing!! Puffy rarely says anything that requires a response. He's typically ranting about our son.. and I just ignore and delete...

INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT.. Need to see what ya'll think about this..

I'm four years in, three since BD and divorce.. I've moved on, long ago and am in a fully committted relationship with my Duke...

Last week my son informs me that his dad has asked him to attend family counseling, with him, the OW, and her children.... Apparently, they are having issues (insert shocked face) and are in counseling....

HOLD ON A MINUTE....  I was in counseling for over a year and PUFFY WOULD NEVER SHOW UP!!! He refused....Wouldn't show up for marriage, family NONE OF IT..  Then filed for divorce behind my back... BUT YET... Is attending therapy with the ow and HER KIDS?!!! They aren't married, not even living together.... ?

But yet, they are in therapy???!!! S says it's because they are trying to work things out and her children have major issues with Puffy... Again, I would be shocked but I'm a former LBSer.. Nothing shocks me anymore!!

I won't lie, I was PISSED when s told me this... His pos dad wouldn't show up to family therapy with his own son and at the time, his own wife... BUT will for this home wrecking hoochie? They are both homewreckers.. but still... Who does this?

Never mind, I know the answer.. MLC... That's the only explanation... Healthy people don't act like this!!

[Treasur]

Does your son want to do that? And why if the 'issues' are about OW's kids and your XH, or is your son involved in their 'family' set up?

Completely understand your feelings. The free gift from it? Think of how much time/cash you saved in pointless family therapy with an MLCer. And obviously his great new happy...hmmm, not so much.

[Rising Phoenix]

ME TOO!!!

I would always feel like a total idiot when I was forced out of no contact.. Now.. Not so much..

I pick and chose IF I respond... Nine times out of ten, I say absolutely nothing!! Puffy rarely says anything that requires a response. He's typically ranting about our son.. and I just ignore and delete...



INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT.. Need to see what ya'll think about this..

I'm four years in, three since BD and divorce.. I've moved on, long ago and am in a fully committted relationship with my Duke...

Last week my son informs me that his dad has asked him to attend family counseling, with him, the OW, and her children.... Apparently, they are having issues (insert shocked face) and are in counseling....

HOLD ON A MINUTE....  I was in counseling for over a year and PUFFY WOULD NEVER SHOW UP!!! He refused....Wouldn't show up for marriage, family NONE OF IT..  Then filed for divorce behind my back... BUT YET... Is attending therapy with the ow and HER KIDS?!!! They aren't married, not even living together.... ?

But yet, they are in therapy???!!! S says it's because they are trying to work things out and her children have major issues with Puffy... Again, I would be shocked but I'm a former LBSer.. Nothing shocks me anymore!!

I won't lie, I was PISSED when s told me this... His pos dad wouldn't show up to family therapy with his own son and at the time, his own wife... BUT will for this home wrecking hoochie? They are both homewreckers.. but still... Who does this?

Never mind, I know the answer.. MLC... That's the only explanation... Healthy people don't act like this!!

Thing is he doesn’t break no contact, I do usually to something to do with divorce or to try get him to be amicable or see his kids.
So annoying, tw*t  features never did any decorating or a lot of housework or take me fishing and would never let me on a motorbike but has decorated ow Home from top to bottom and now fishing and motorbike riding with ow. Prob never out of his sight! I knew I shouldn’t of emailed as the social media quotes went off the scale. Apparently I abused him in our marriage! Wtf! He is obviously playing matyr. My friends and family laughed and said after 3 yrs she still has no idea who he is! Xx

[Tyks]

Ms.  M that is just nuts.  And you know what?  It drives me nuckin futz when I hear that the d!ck is doing all those things that he wouldn't do with or for me. I just don't get it and I don't think j ever will

[nah]

HOLD ON A MINUTE....  I was in counseling for over a year and PUFFY WOULD NEVER SHOW UP!!! He refused....Wouldn't show up for marriage, family NONE OF IT..  Then filed for divorce behind my back... BUT YET... Is attending therapy with the ow and HER KIDS?!!!

Who does this?

Never mind, I know the answer.. MLC... That's the only explanation... Healthy people don't act like this!!

Just months after The Leaver left, I heard through the grapevine that the girl was trying to get him to go to couple's therapy...
for THEM!!!   

Can you imagine the look on the therapists face?  "Ummm.... yes, my married boyfriend has a wife of 28-yrs... and yes, that's longer than I have been alive,... but, he needs to be told that he needs to pay more attention to ME".... 

Anyways....

You know what?  Them going to therapy or vacations or stupid concerts or whatever it is that the ow wants DOES make sense.

Especially the vanishers....

Again, it's just more of the same.  Actually when they do these things it just cements the original theory that they are just simply big fat cowards.

Pre-bomb drop, something was stirring inside them undetected by us.  Their depression grew and since they are master avoiders, they dumped it all on us and ran away. 

They found someone as broken as them, someone pathetic enough to hook up with a married man. 

Once they were in, they were in.  They had to move their morals to justify their actions not just to others, but to themselves.  How do you do that?  Well, the only thing that can justify this kind of destruction to your family is for "happiness' and "Love", right?  Isn't that the reason they left? 

Now that they are "all in", they are stuck.  They can't push back against the emotional blackmail that the ow heaps on b/c then they would have to admit that the ugliness inside them had nothing to do with us after all. 

On top of all that crap, the ow will push and push and push to prove she is "better" than us.  Look at their love.  It is so big she can make him do all the things we couldn't. 

I call bullsh!t. 

If our husbands hated counselors, or vacations, or whatever it is that the ow is making them do when they were with us, then they still hate it now but they have no choice, ironically b/c of their choices. 

As a LBS I can do or not do anything I chose b/c I'm not a big fat phony liar. 

Sucks to be them.

[Tyks]

Thanks,  nah.  You always seem to make the day a little brighter

[MsMedfly]

And Nah wins again....!!!

Completely and totally... sucks to be them...  And I'm so grateful that I'm not the one that is living on his drama wheel any longer.

S wants nothing to do with the "family" therapy.. and has no intention of ever being involved.

I'm still laughing... You cannot make this stuff up and they give us such amazing material.. I think I might need to make a career change and become a stand up comedian!!

Well.. It is, what it is... I'm just thankful that it's not my circus, not my monkeys..

Happy Taco Tuesday Ya'll!!