Well for me, my own little self personally, I feel the loss. Yes, I know I used HB as a crutch and "a mother figure". I shouldn't have but I did.
Tiny; if it will make you feel better; I've walked in your shoes in this aspect before, myself...but it took the lady who helped me kicking me away, so to speak, to help me develop on my own...I didn't start out this strong; in fact, I was quite weak in the beginning of his crisis; probably hard to believe, but I promise you, it was the truth.
None of you have faced anything that I haven't faced before and overcome; if I can overcome and come out healed and whole; I know that you can, too; and you CAN attain the strength I gained; the healing I gained; and the knowledge and wisdom that I also gained...it is yours for the taking.
There came a time when I had to rely on myself; and learn to trust what He was telling me; and this went on for a LONG time...there was NO ONE for me to lean on except for the Lord.
If I hadn't been forced to take those steps on my own; I could not have become a leader to others at a later time.
You see, there won't always be someone there to be there for you; you must learn to be there for yourself; and there will come a time when it will be no one but you and God that will face the coming trials.
It feels good to lean on someone else for awhile; but in time; we learn to lean on ourselves, knowing we have what we need to make it through.
There have been so many times I've been alone; but not really alone; as He was always there with me...but in a human way; I've been alone a very long time; in a long distance relationship; but this is something I had learned to handle a very long time ago; as my husband has been a trucker for over 22 years now to my 9 years.
The first year was rough, because he had always been there to help me; and when he went out on the road; I had to learn to handle certain things on my own without his help; and I did...maybe too well; but this is where the beginnings of my own strength came to be.
That may have been why I didn't have to face during his crisis what some of you face; and this is learning to stand on your own, and be OK with being by yourself; I had already done that before; and so it was somewhat different for me within his crisis...most of what we learn; I had already learned.
Anyway; the biggest lesson I had to learn out of his crisis was to look to the Lord for everything I needed; knowing and learning that He would meet my deepest needs; and He did.
I learned He was not fiery being I had been taught in my childhood; He is a very present help in time of greatest need; and if He hadn't been there for me at every turn; I would not have been here or anywhere.
I have seen many awful things in my life; not including childhood; but I came through on the strength that GOD gave me to work with.
I have been walked on, spoken to as if I didn't exist, treated disrespectfully, disregarded, screamed and spewed at; and I fought a hard fight to get past all of that; but I was successful in realizing that just because it was said; didn't mean it was true. During that time, I had to develop MYSELF; increase my own self confidence; become strong; pray for wisdom so I could understand more of the aspects I was seeing; and most of all, develop my relationship with the One who gave me an "inside track" to knowledge; and this was because I ASKED Him to.
As you move forward within your trial; you will LEARN to recognize actions of the various stages of MLC; there are aspects you may not face/see; but as your insight grows, you will see what I saw in various situations...and be able to see where one is within the trial.
The knowledge is beneficial; because the torch is passed from one to the next...I have NO clue exactly why my memories continue to be intact; but I have an idea that I will be assigned someone some years down the line that will have need of my knowledge...how long before this happens, I have no idea; but it will come; I've already seen it.
God works in mysterious ways; His wonders to behold; and I consider myself fortunate and blessed that I have been able to help for the time I've been here.
Read and digest.
Love,
HB
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Hearts blessing?