[Standing Strong]

Oh yes, I know.... I can't fix it.
I think it's natural to be concerned about someone you love though.

Pray, pray, pray 

-SS

[Slow Fade]

I found it odd that when H walked out, he continued to go to our Church, albeit at a different service time. I was amazed how he could face people we knew for 14 years, some of whom knew our situation to include the Pastor himself, and not feel out of place or ashamed. 

He acted like it was no big deal. I can't imagine how he must have squirmed in his seat at some of the messages. Or maybe he just didn't listen? Totally goes to show how "right" they think they are. Either that or he was trying to do damage control.....IDK. 

Before he left, we counseled with our Pastor (who unbeknownst to H knew about his affair) and lied to his face. Told him he would never just walk out on us. Well, a month later he did just that. And STILL continued to sit in Church and look that Pastor in the eye. It just amazed me.

[trusting]

She explained at BD #1 "She doesn't want anyone putting thoughts in her head about how she should live.... she has enough of that already"

Script - my H said the SAME THING!  He didn't want anyone telling him how to live his life. Of course, looking back, I know in reference to his faith that he meant (subconsciously or not) that he knew he was making the wrong choices and just didn't want to feel guilty or ashamed about it. 

He has attended the occasional service with us (mostly Easter and/or Christmas) since BD.  It bothered me tremendously and of course still does, but at the same time, if he did go I would see it as glaring hypocrisy.  Not so much now, but definitely when he was in the thick of the crisis.  He is turning back into himself, so his faith seems to be sneaking back up on him.  Very slowly.

[megogirl]

I found it odd that when H walked out, he continued to go to our Church, albeit at a different service time. I was amazed how he could face people we knew for 14 years, some of whom knew our situation to include the Pastor himself, and not feel out of place or ashamed. 

He acted like it was no big deal. I can't imagine how he must have squirmed in his seat at some of the messages. Or maybe he just didn't listen? Totally goes to show how "right" they think they are. Either that or he was trying to do damage control.....IDK.

SlowFade

MY XH lives near his parents, in his PERFECT hometown.  And OW lives but a stone's throw from their house.

XH grew up going to their church.  We MARRIED in a church.  His dad is the current SECRETARY of his church. 

How these people sleep at night, I will never know.

[megogirl]

but at the same time, if he did go I would see it as glaring hypocrisy.

I called my XH out when he was about to become his cousins' new baby's GODFATHER.  I'd contacted his cousin/baby's mother to let her know the exact sitch involving her cousin.

Couldn't make that up

[evas]

I don't post here anymore, but sometimes check in because there are threads I still follow. However, I felt I had something to add to this discussion

My husband's MLC is in the past as it reached its peak in the spring and summer of 2012. After years of deep depression and strange behavior and a lot of blaming everything bad on me, he finally left me and our then 4-year old son a week after BD and moved straight into OW's cramped apartment. OW was a young girl, a co-worker. Anyway, what followed was script, script, script.

I'm not sure when or how I began praying. I suppose I began more or less right away, because I was very depressed and almost suicidal in those early days. Then at some point I connected with another woman on this forum, whose timeline and circumstances very much matched mine. We started praying together, mostly via Skype, since she was (still is) in Europe and I was (still am) in the US. For some reason we both "felt" the Virgin Mary present during our prayers, and so we started praying to her (which was quite new to me at the time). I cannot remember whether it was my friend or I who found the Express Novena (aka the Memorare), but we began praying it several times a day, simultaneously. I still have one of the papers where I have checked off the prayer nine times. Miraculously my friend's husband returned a few months into our praying and a week later my husband came back as well.

A friend of me in the town where I live (and lived at the time), asked me who the woman was who was walking next to me all the time. I thought she was crazy, because I was always walking alone or with my young song, then I realized it was Mother Mary she saw next to me.

My friend from this forum and I still occasionally pray together and we are very much in contact, but the miraculous, powerful feeling of having the Virgin by our side the way we had back then so intensely, has never come back. I know Mother Mary is with me at all times, but I do miss that very intense feeling of her presence.


This is the prayer, to be repeated nine times.

"Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come,
before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen"

To conclude: My husband has been back for seven years this August, and is better than ever. It took me a long, long time to get over his MLC, but these days I rarely think about it. We have a beautiful, talented 11-year old son, who thankfully remembers little if anything from this horrible time, and we have a wonderful family life.

[xyzcf]

Thank you evas for sharing your beautiful story!

Mary is a wonderful Mother and she holds me close.. I too didn't know her until this happened..She is my mother and my husband's mother..when she asked her son to perform His first miracle, the changing water into wine at the wedding of Cana...what a strong women she was to ask Our Lord to do something. like that. And He did it..with the better wine that had been served before.

And so, we can ask Mary to intercede for us, for her Son still listens to His mother's requests.

Mother Teresa spoke about an Emergency novena, repeating the Memorare 9 times...I have said it and have been totally amazed at the results.

"Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come,
before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen"

[Standing Strong]

I have a journal with everything God is telling, teaching and convicting me of during this process..... tonight I have a new entry that I'd like to share:

As I was getting ice for my water (I drink a TON of water each night)..... clear as a bell and out of nowhere....

"How do you expect her to look inside and fix herself when you are not willing to do the same?".

Ouch..... now THAT is a hammer to my head..... and completely true. Fixing what is superficial is something I was happy to do.... getting deep and facing what I don't want to face (and I know what I don't want to face)..... there's a deep cut.
Well, this is what it's all about right?

Go right, or go left? I will go right.... but it sure won't be easy.

-SS

[trusting]

Evas, thank you for sharing your story.  I remember you from years ago.  It is wonderful to hear how well you and your family are doing! 

[TurtleGal]

 No matter what happens to me, the most important thing is W not turning from God. I'm expendable.

-SS

SS-
You have such an amazing outlook and seem to be very strong in your faith! I feel that this is the most important thing for myself in all of this madness, that I become stronger in my faith and my relationship with God. This is the only relationship in my life that I can be absolutely certain of and it is the relationship that I should prioritize above all others.
I also came to the point where I realized that even if my H could never turn back to me, it is more important that he turn back to God. H's eternal salvation is more important than anything we have here on earth. Since I came to this realization, I have prayed daily for my H's relationship with God. That does not mean that I have stopped praying for God's intervention in other ways, but we know that God will "leave the 99 to save the 1 lost".

All of that being said, as long as you keep praying, pray boldly, and let the spirit lead you, your prayers will be answered. Maybe the answer will be "wait" or maybe the answer will be "no", but we are told in His word to ask of Him all things. If we do not ask then how will we ever receive? Also, pray for yourself- for peace, for guidance, for strength, and for all the things that you know you need to change. IMO God will change us much faster than He will change others and our growth through all of this is were we should be focused. (still easier said than done )

Stay strong in your faith, you are doing so well!