[Prism]

In the early days, when I felt completely out of control in a grief storm, the one thing that helped even when nothing else would was the mantra "Not my will, Lord, but Thine" -- over and over again until I calmed down. In the last few months, I've continued to pray that mantra as well as a variation on the metta: "May he be safe, may he be healed, may he find peace." Focusing on the words, trying my best to mean them, eventually brings me a deep sense of comfort.

One other thing: possibly the most helpful thing anyone has said to me was very, very early, when the dear mother of a friend put her hands on my shoulders and said "Sweet Prism, God just has a different path for you than you thought, that's all." What an amazingly wise frame! If you believe, if you trust, at some level you have to say, "Ok, God. I'm terrified, I sure don't understand, but I trust You. Show me the way." 

[CallingHeart]

"Sweet Prism, God just has a different path for you than you thought, that's all." What an amazingly wise frame! If you believe, if you trust, at some level you have to say, "Ok, God. I'm terrified, I sure don't understand, but I trust You. Show me the way." 

I have come to recognize this for myself.  I’ve also come to accept the blessing in it.  I had a dream the other night my hwow came up behind me while I was walking forward towards something (my life I guess) and placed his hand on the small of my back, urging me to turn towards him and I just cried because I didn’t know if I could. I felt like Lot!!   

Two mornings later I was praying a prayer of consecration to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and I received a “knowing” that God has used this betrayal of my husband to actually purify my heart!  The very next night I went for dinner with my neighbor to a sushi restaurant and we couldn’t find a parking space and ended parking on the roof area of the very same building I had parked the last time I saw my husband....   I wasn’t really focused on that because above us was the most spectacular rainbow I’ve ever seen!!  I remember thinking wow this was the exact spot 4 years ago.   I would not have chosen to be there but for the parking situation.  I kept it to myself that was the place because she has wiped up many a tear and has begged me to recognize my own beauty in light of this horrible sitch.

The next day she posted the picture of the rainbow on the news blog (it was that beautiful) and mentioned the photo was taken above the BD restaurant and tagged me.   She had no clue that was my BD spot and she didn’t mention the sushi restaurant her and I visited... it was then when I recognized the sign and was able to tie the dream, the prayer, the rainbow and my surrender after BD to a blessing.  God was giving me consolidation and indicating He hears every prayer and will make beauty (a pure heart) from ashes (a broken heart) after these years of unknowing the reasons “why” but choosing to trust God anyway.  It’s all tied up nicely in God’s plan (albeit not what I would choose for myself) and there’s a meaning to it all.

[CallingHeart]

Here’s the rainbow. The multiple photos flew in on social media.
Even our local news station quoted scripture. 
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. 
https://m.facebook.com/TravisABC13/photos/a.129223047580607/609904069512500/?type=3&source=57&ref=m_notif&notif_t=feed_comment

[Standing Strong]

I just got back from church and the title of the message was "How to find the One, and keep them"..... it was all about marriage and praying for your spouse.

The main theme of the whole sermon was "Love is patience"....

It was like it was meant just for me.....

-SS

[trusting]

I just got back from church and the title of the message was "How to find the One, and keep them"..... it was all about marriage and praying for your spouse.

The main theme of the whole sermon was "Love is patience"....

It was like it was meant just for me.....

That's how God works.  I have had countless times during my H's MLC where I have heard the perfect message, seen the perfect verse, had the perfect words of encouragement at the perfect time.

I concur with the others that Rejoice Ministries is helpful.  The book Broken Heart on Hold got me through those early years. 

As far as how to pray,  I have found my prayers change through different seasons.  But "your will be done" says it all, I think.   My H's faith was very important to him pre-MLC, non-existent during MLC, and seems to be creeping back into his life as he seems to be through (or mostly through) his crisis.  I think there's nothing wrong with praying that they remember who they are(were). 

[megogirl]

My H's faith was very important to him pre-MLC, non-existent during MLC, and seems to be creeping back into his life as he seems to be through (or mostly through) his crisis.  I think there's nothing wrong with praying that they remember who they are(were).

DITTO

[Treasur]

I think for most of us who had a religious faith before this, the experience pushes us hard to figure out what we really feel and believe. About ourselves, others, life and God....it is a very personal journey.

Faith is really about trusting in things unseen and unknown.
And in choosing to live by our own values regardless of what others believe and do.
It is a hard pruning experience but with time it does help us see the core of what faith means in our lives i suspect. And love too perhaps...for ourselves as much as for others.

[Trustandlove]

And in choosing to live by our own values regardless of what others believe and do.

This sums it up nicely.

[Slow Fade]

For me the word I kept hearing when I was in my quiet place was "wait". The word I heard when I was wailing and wanting it to be done and wanting to move on and begging God for a resolution was "wait". Every question I asked of God during the dark times came down to the word "wait". It was very clear.

I prayed a hedge around my H much like Hosea. I prayed for peace for myself. My prayers were turned away from my H and more towards me. I stopped looking "over there" at what my H was doing and focused more on what I should be doing. My Pastor was very adamant about not focusing on what God was doing "over there" and to focus on what God wanted me to do in this moment for me; my growth; my faith.

I railed against the word "wait". People didn't understand it. They thought I was being a door mat. They thought I should divorce and move on. And yet, all I heard from God was "wait". I learned that love is an action, not a feeling. I learned a lot. As much of a cliche as it sounds, I let go and let God. Proverbs 3:5-6 became my mantra and I saw it and heard it everywhere.

No matter what was happening, I tried to keep my focus on God. Easier said than done, but we always learn and grow more in the valleys than on the mountaintops.......

[trusting]

SF, that is what I have heard over and over and over - wait. 

I railed against the word "wait". People didn't understand it. They thought I was being a door mat. They thought I should divorce and move on. And yet, all I heard from God was "wait". I learned that love is an action, not a feeling. I learned a lot.

Yup.  I identify completely with this.  And still I wait and wait, and I still don't understand the delay.  And I have argued and wrestled with God, but yet I know I am still supposed to wait.  At least until I am told otherwise.

But as we speak, he is here (unexpectedly) cleaning out the garage and working on fixing something in the house, not something the MLC him would do.