[Thunder]

I agree and always thought it was very strange my H didn't lie about anything.  If I asked him he told me the brutal truth, so there were times I didn't ask him because I didn't want to hear the truth.

I wonder why some don't lie.

My take on it was, at the time he had no feelings for me so why lie?  He was emotionally shut down.
If it hurt me, it hurt me.  He even one time was getting ready to go somewhere and when I asked him where he was going he told me to sign up for a dating service (we were still married and living together).  Like he was talking abut the weather.   
Talk about shock!

Anyone else have a MLCer who didn't lie? 

Sorry SS, I don't imagine you have any answer for this, just wanted to put it out there.

[Anon]

My h told his ow a completely unnecessary lie shortly after bd.   He was still living here and it was the week of our grandsons birthday and he was going to be dropped off by his parents to spend the afternoon with us.   There was a last minute reschedule so he was not here.   Later that evening, h called ow and when she asked how the visit went, he lied and answered her question as if he had been here.  A completely made up visit with grandson that never happened.   She lives 2000 mi away so its not like he could have spent time with her instead when the visit was cancelled.  I cannot think of one reason why h would not have simply told her the truth.   This is an example of (in my mind) a lie that serves absolutely no purpose.   Grandson visiting or not, could not have had any impact whatsoever on ow, or me, or even himself.   What consequence was he possibly hoping to avoid?

He has lied many times since then, but this one lie really sticks in my mind because it is just so pointless.  Prior to bd I believed he was truthful man.   Or was he?   I wonder sometimes if he was never the man I thought he was prior to bd.

[Nas]

Anon, maybe in his MLC mind, it wasn't a pointless lie.  Maybe he was afraid that from 2000 miles away, if he told OW about the last minute reschedule, she would become suspicious that he was doing something else and he didn't want to risk her getting upset or questioning him.  We really can never know, but I truly do believe that each lie they tell has a "purpose" in their minds.

[terra]

Anon, in my h’s case, he lied outright or by omission to ow because although she was whatever enough to be a thorn in our lives, she was absolutely not worthy of our truths. You’d think that would eliminate her from the equation entirely. Anyhow, it was enlightening to learn that he protected us in that way. I still don’t like the lying, though, and I hope it all stops someday and we can rely post-MLC on full integrity. I’d say your h was doing his best to keep your grandson out of the MLC arena in any way he could.

In MLCer's head, the response from LBS will be either a) anger, b) sadness, c) a truth dart, d) complete indifference.
All of those responses would/could elicit some emotion from the MLCer that they don't want to feel.
Therefore, they simply lie and avoid any possible consequence.

This is my full response every time. ALL the things, whether I say them to him or not. So I know that’s why my h lies to me.

Spot on, Nas.

[terra]

I think they lie because their persona is fragmented and they are trying to re-establish a new persona by experimenting with various image management options available to them to find a good fit.

Jackolar, this is my perception also. Thank you for putting it so well.

[Anon]

I wonder if this lying while in MLC was actually a trait they had before the MLC but managed to be smarter and less obvious about their lies. 

This latest lie my h spun was that he was visiting a dying friend on one side of the country when he was really visiting ow on the other side of the country.   He visits her all the time, common knowledge, so why suddenly after 2+ years switch it up and lie about where he is going?   I didnt even ask where he was going - he just offered up the lie.   The other notable thing with this lie is that it is so easily exposed that he had to know I would know he was lying and very soon too.   Is this MLC that leads them to do this?   Or is this just really who they are and during MLC they get more sloppy and stupid with the lies?

[megogirl]

wonder if this lying while in MLC was actually a trait they had before the MLC but managed to be smarter and less obvious about their lies. 

LOL!!!

Maybe - I always knew that my exhole was a sports team fan chameleon.  Turns out he's also an identity chameleon (Right now his is as a "small-town country boy.")

So, if his entire personality is fake.....does that qualify as a "lie"? 

[nah]

My h told his ow a completely unnecessary lie shortly after bd.   He was still living here and it was the week of our grandsons birthday and he was going to be dropped off by his parents to spend the afternoon with us.   There was a last minute reschedule so he was not here.   Later that evening, h called ow and when she asked how the visit went, he lied and answered her question as if he had been here.  A completely made up visit with grandson that never happened.   She lives 2000 mi away so its not like he could have spent time with her instead when the visit was cancelled.  I cannot think of one reason why h would not have simply told her the truth.   This is an example of (in my mind) a lie that serves absolutely no purpose.   Grandson visiting or not, could not have had any impact whatsoever on ow, or me, or even himself.   What consequence was he possibly hoping to avoid?

He has lied many times since then, but this one lie really sticks in my mind because it is just so pointless.  Prior to bd I believed he was truthful man.   Or was he?   I wonder sometimes if he was never the man I thought he was prior to bd.

Seems to me if he wasn’t where he was supposed to be, he would have had to been “on call”, probably his only chance for peace for even a few hours.

[Anon]

Seems to me if he wasn’t where he was supposed to be, he would have had to been “on call”, probably his only chance for peace for even a few hours.

Possibly, but I dont think there were that many calls between them in those early days

I stumbled across this thread from 2018, about lies:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10045.0

I am going to bump it up so any on-going discussion can continue on that thread.

But Ss,,, when you have a minute, can you tell us what goes on in the MLC mind when they tell these seemingly pointless lies?

[Acorn]

Hi Shock’s Sis,

Have you thought about becoming a member of the forum?  Then you can have your own moniker and won’t have to borrow your sister’s!   

I think it can get confusing to have 2 people signing in under one membership and sharing 2 separate stories, unless one has been following them for a while. 

Just a suggestion.