[Ready2Transform]

Very objective observation, NYM. And objectivity is a great thing to have for LBSs. Maybe before accusing someone of pot stirring, see whether what they're saying is actually just presenting more food for thought in the pot.

The odd thing is that most MLCers don't like being controlled. They are looking for a pliable OP to control themselves. I think in many cases, when the OP actually does start to act controlling, manipulative etc., if they have any sense, that's when they wake up and walk away.

It was my xH's biggest complaint that he felt "controlled" and at one point early on he accused ALL of us of doing it (me, his family, OW). I think the only thing that roped him back in was that she learned how to finesse it a little better. Turnabout was fairplay as he did too - it was the joint energy of two disordered people that kept them both distracted from their own issues, and focused on the triangulation that kept everything ramped up.

Post-crisis, knowing I owned my own choices became freeing, and accountability was an important part of my healing process. I even saw it on the limerence forums I was watching for awhile - people didn't start healing at No Contact, or figuring out their limerent object was a bad person. The difference in people came when they made it a one-man healing show. Those were the forum leaders showing other people the way.

[Finding Joy]

Shock, I’m sure you have a tough skin having come through what you have come through, I ask that you would use it for the sake of those who appreciate your time and effort.

I have followed your story from the beginning and read everything you write.  My husband is very similar to you in his MLC.  There has been no back and forth with him.  He is committed to his feelings of not being in love with me.  He has been a monster for most of the last year, but is settling down now.  Like you my husband has a parent who did this same thing.

It has been a year since he let me know how he feels(bd) and ended our relationship, though for now we are still married. 

We are beginning to reconnect in a friendly way only, but he is certain he wants a divorce.  My understanding is that it took you four years to realize your true feelings.  Had he been available, how strong was your urge, and desire to reconnect.  Do you think it would have taken a possible additional year for you to get the nerve up to reconnect, or at 4 years were you ready? 

[SteelSpine]

Maybe before accusing someone of pot stirring, see whether what they're saying is actually just presenting more food for thought in the pot.



Was this comment aimed at me?

If it was, please be assured that I did see exactly what Nym was saying, and in my opinion it was out-of-place on this thread.

[Ready2Transform]

It wasn't aimed at anyone in particular, but did borrow the analogy for good measure. Guess we can agree to disagree on whether this different perspective belongs here.   

[beyondblessed]

Ok, so you now have a bonafide MLC'er willing to come and answer any lingering questions you may still have as to why your spouse bailed on you, and this is how you treat her?  If I was her, I'd tell you to kiss my ass.  She's here to help, which is more than I can say for some of you.  If you don't the answers or the conversation, don't let the door hit you.

 I'm not sure if you've just been triggered or just live to argue, but your insinuations and attacks are completely out of line.  She made mistakes, just like every MLC'er.  She never claimed to be the saints you seem to think you are.

[megogirl]

OMG!!!

I can’t even believe SS needs a defense, but I’m sure she’ll get one in droves. 

She is only here to HELP LBS’, and I daresay she’s done a damn good job.  She doesn’t have to “do” anything; she owes us exactly nothing.

Please cease and desist antagonizing the ONLY ex-MLCer that is here now.  I don’t care how many were here 1, 3, 5, or 10 years ago, because that was THEN.  ShockSis is NOW!

[Standing Strong]

Totally BB..... 100%

Some people have gotten so ugly and I don't know why.
At one point I was really resolved to ask my W come on here when she is thru the tunnel and help like Shocks..... not anymore. I wouldn't put her thru that.

For the sake of argument, let's say Shocks WAS GETTING softballs (she isn't)...... what then? You drive her away so there's no resource?
BRILLIANT PLAN!!!

-SS

[Finding Joy]

It’s the latter BB and it seems always the same players. 

[Savoir Faire]

Could we all please get back to asking shocks sis relevant questions about her MLC, any other discussions are not for this thread. It is imperative everyone treats each other with the upmost respect and please do not judge. We are all individuals in this mess and of course will have different opinions which should be respected also.

Now,for some relevant questions please.

[Flabbergasted]

Savoir Faire: Hear, hear!