[Caroline]

Shocked Sis,

 When you began to emerge from the fog... what signs would others around you see? If your xh had not left do you think you might have talked to him right away to let him know you wanted the relationship again or waited? I know this was not your exact situation just wondered how you felt....

hope you are doing well... thanks again for sharing from your heart.
 

[barbiedoll]

I rarely visit this thread. Only occasionally do I peek and see what conversations are going on. I do not follow along as it is not applicable to me at all. It is one women story, her personal history , her thinking, her actions and her perceptions of her own MLC. That's it. It could be considered a novel or her memoir ...but it has very little to do with ANY other person in a MLC. This thread is about HER only . Her story is unique to her, her childhood experiences, her life experiences, her choices and her emotional intelligence. ETC . It says very little ( if anything) about my husbands MLC. There are major differences in his thoughts , interpretations and reasons for his actions.

And ( in my opinion) a man's brain and a women's brain in MLC are very different in how they process information, emotion and how they may interpret what "happy" even means. A women's experience may be entirely different than a mans. There may be some "common" stages to go thru but all people will do those stages differently as well...or some will get stuck and stay stuck.

All children have stages, things in common , milestones they should reach and stages of development ….and yet no 2 children are the same. I do agree that lapping this up like it is "gospel" ( especially for newbies ) is very dangerous indeed. This is only 1 persons experience and cannot possibly forecast how  other MLC "person" will experience their own. She is gracious enough to tell her story ...but that is all it is . HER experience with MLC. Period.

[Savoir Faire]

Once again, could we PLEASE have relevant QUESTIONS or thanks for what Shocks Sis is doing for us.

Thank you.  Back to QUESTIONS.

[Stand Tall]

Patience, understanding, unconditional, time

These are the things that we are suppose to learn while GAL. In some cases on this thread I don't see much of this. After all the years spent as an LBS one would think that some of us would be professional in these areas. Guess not.

  SS I thank you so much for your time to help us in your own small way. To go through a MLC is not an easy thing and no person no matter how small should ever have to go through something that changes who they were supposed to be in their lives. I'm here for you with patience, time, understanding and my unconditional support for you.

Stand Tall

[Shockandawe]

Hi Tyks

If my ex h had been single when I came through my MLC yes I would have pursued him again.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Finding Joy

It took 4 years to fully regain my feelings but clarity began prior to with the realisation that I loved him and always had. As I came out of MLC I felt so weak and had to take a hard look at what I had done and caused. This was just awful and to this day I deeply regret it.
My feelings instead of just not having any began coming in but would go again, this added to my confusion and in time they came through more and more until I knew I loved him. So yes it took the full 4 years.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Mego

Sorry to hear about your fall and subsequent injury. Hope you recover well and my thoughts are with you.

[Shockandawe]

Hi everyone

I would just like to thank you for your support. I don’t allow certain people on here to bother me and I feel they need to vent in some way. I will continue as I am trying to give a perspective on my own MLC. Just as no two people are the same no MLCer is the same although there are way too many similarities to ignore.
I am a lot stronger and do indeed have a much thicker skin than to allow them to bother me and I just ignore them and get on with my life.
Thanks again

[Bewildered survivor]

Hi everyone

I would just like to thank you for your support. I don’t allow certain people on here to bother me and I feel they need to vent in some way. I will continue as I am trying to give a perspective on my own MLC. Just as no two people are the same no MLCer is the same although there are way too many similarities to ignore.
I am a lot stronger and do indeed have a much thicker skin than to allow them to bother me and I just ignore them and get on with my life.
Thanks again

Best way SS. Only way to handle persistent bullying is to ignore until they get bored and carry on being you. The worst kind is when personal attacks are presented as debating, expressing opinion & challenging. My own interpretation when I read posts (always the same offenders) is disrespect, aggression, bitterness & perhaps some jealousy & attention seeking. It’s seems unless information is presented in a certain way, fits their own experience of their MLCer and acknowledgs their own MLC (which I’m really really bored and sick of reading about) then it’s not valid. I mostly ignore these posts despite itching to respond and gave in this time. I’m not sure why they feel the need to post on a thread that they don’t agree with- just stay away! There are also those that it’s sooo obvious (to me anyway) just come to light the fire and then walk away. I have no idea how after soo many years on this forum people still have the energy and time in life to do this- btw I don’t accept it’s always to help other newbies  LBS’s.

I’m an intelligent woman who does not need to be reminded constantly that SS’s is just one perspective etc etc- I know and so does she & I’m sure other newbies know to!  She can only answer questions truthfully and I believe that is what she is doing- despite the constant unprovoked attacks. I can’t comment on if your age still in crisis, are taking responsibility or not as I don’t know you.

I really appreciate your insight SS as so many others do. I take it for what it is- your experience. It helps me to understand MLC and I find it very interesting. Every human being is different so I think it goes without saying that your experience is going to be unique to you- personally I think that’s obvious and no one needs constant reminding of it.

Thank you SS.

[Standing Strong]

Hey Shocks,

Curious: I've always thought of MLC in terms of depression, anxiety, detachment, etc..... all the normal stuff.

I was talking with a friend who is an ex-MLC'er (F) and she mentioned something I hadn't heard before which was attachment issues...... my head perked up.... attachment issues?!!?!?
Tonight I was talking with W and mentioned this...... she perked up and said "I wonder if I have attachment issues???". (The answer is YES..... but I had never considered it, and neither had she).

Did you have attachment issues before or during MLC? I know you maintained being a mom during MLC, so not there obviously..... elsewhere?
Just something I hadn't considered before. Wonder if it's a common thing.

-SS