[3Boys4Me]

I just got an email from my MLCer - he has moved in with the OW and my 2 younger boys (now 14 and 15) refuse to spend the night with him. The OW was a close family friend of ours and my kids won’t have anything to do with her - she and MLCer have done the “flaunt and taint” thing at sports events and our boys are humiliated.

In the email he has shut off s14 phone (we each carry one of the boys). And he said he will continue to do so because the kids are “punishing him for getting out of a bad marriage.”  Monster has returned - I want to say no, the kids are angry with you because of the neglect, instability, lying, cheating, mental, emotional and physical abuse... yet his projecting of “bad marriage” crushes me - only months before BD he gave a two week second honeymoon to Europe, and I was still the “most amazing wife and mother” ...  so this is all surreal - as an MLCer - did you ever say cruel and mean things designed to just hurt your spouse - maybe as a way to deflect? After 2.5 years he can still crush me.

[megogirl]

More than one person has suggested that if you “don’t like how SS speaks to you!”, you should refrain from posting on her thread.  99% of us appreciate her and what she has to offer.  Perhaps you are a bit jealous of all the attention she is receiving? 

BTW, you know NOTHING of my legal situation, so kindly refrain from commenting.  You are only embarrassing yourself - and badly. 

[Anjae]

More than one person has suggested that if you “don’t like how SS speaks to you!”, you should refrain from posting on her thread. 

How very nice of people. However, SS's should speak to me, and everyone else, properly. She is no more and no less than anyone else on HS. I don't have to like her tone, I don't have to stop posting. She has to speak respectfully, which she at times does not. She is a MLCer on a site for LBS, a fact she should always have in mind.

She should also alway have in mind she may trigger people. If, as she says, she is a recovered MLCer, she will understand it and why.

Perhaps you are a bit jealous of all the attention she is receiving? 

No, I am not jealous of the attention she receives. I find it dangerous to lead LBS in false hope and to sell them kool aid, even when the situations do not match.

BTW, you know NOTHING of my legal situation, so kindly refrain from commenting.  You are only embarrassing yourself - and badly.

I know what we all know. You you told us plenty. There is thread after thread with it. You bombarded us with it. All people have to do is look for your threads and posts. The story is there. The more recent newcomers were spared your vitriol, the rest of us were not.
 
I agree a lot of what is on those threads and posts of yours is embarrassing and bad.

[Shockandawe]

Shock here

Anjae in my opinion, given the fact you have no problem with giving your own opinions, I think you need to do a lot of inner work and fast. You come across as argumentative, aggressive, angry and bitter. Are you this way in reality? Nitpicking every word that doesn’t fit your particular situation.
There’s really a very simple solution here and that is if this thread makes you so angry why would you read anything on here much less respond?It seems obvious to me anyway that you enjoy the negativity of confrontation. Do you really need to be on a thread which obviously angers you? Negativity is not good for anyone.
I really do hope you have a life which isn’t filled with the anger and bitterness you portray on here because if that’s the case I feel very sorry for you.

May God bless you and give you the peace you so obviously lack.
Shock and awe

[terra]

Shocks sis, and all, I have reported at least one antagonistic post from this thread. My question is for both you and also Anjae, and anyone else (former or recovering MLCer or otherwise) who has a bone to pick with the dynamics in the dialogue here.

While in MLC or during your recovery or return from the crisis, did people pick fights with you in real life, offline, the way some are doing here?

Thick skin or not, did/do these “tough love” or criticism conversations help you in any way?

For those with a bone to pick, former or recovering MLCer or otherwise:

Is this “tough love” or criticism approach something you have always had as your basic nature? Or is it something learned as a means of speaking your own truth and standing up for yourself, either in your own MLC or during your healing process as LBS?

And which is it? Did you learn this coping skill during MLC? Or did you establish it only as LBS and not during your own MLC.

I don’t like the dogpile that happens here and it’s not limited to Shocks sis or her MLC facts or offering. I don’t like dogpile dynamics on *any* person’s thread or story, *anywhere*. It’s not what I came to HS for, and I find it messy and not fruitful. So I *would* like answers from Anjae and anyone else as to their own MLCs. But to be honest I’d like to see those on your own threads.

Everyone here (and everywhere else) is a work in progress and that’s going to be true until the very last gasp. It’s not helpful to see any former MLCer here having issues with another former MLCer you weren’t and aren’t married to. So if you would, I’d like to know if any former MLCer here honestly thinks they have made a full recovery.

If so, if fully recovered, I would hope you’d see that one contributor’s conversation with those who find them kind and their story relevant shouldn’t be feeling dangerous to you. It doesn’t seem like it should affect you or your story, and for whatever any of it is worth to anyone, you could easily be offering similar insights on your own dedicated thread.

If not, if you yourself are still somewhat in recovery, why not back off on antagonizing anyone else who is still working on it.

Anyone is welcome to answer over at my thread or in PM. It’s sort of amusing that this thread keeps being derailed not by judgmental LBSs but by judgmental former MLCers.

[Shockandawe]

Exactly Terra and very well said.

My sister chooses to just ignore both Anjae and NYM as she will not get dragged into the drama of people who come across as both extremely negative and angry.
She has seen enough anger during her own experience and simply will not get pushed into responding to people who will ultimately decide to argue.
I think we should all do the same because to continue to respond just feeds it, a little like monster maybe?
I will not respond to either of them anymore and I suggest everyone follows suit. After all, we have no control over anything or anyone else just ourselves.

God bless you all

Shock and awe

[Ready2Transform]

FWIW I added my answers on my own thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10102.msg744752#msg744752

[Songanddance]

Terra,
Whilst Anjae states that she is a former MLCer NYM is not. Your words are a little ambiguous and suggest that she is. For the purpose of clarity NYM has not stated at any point that she is a former MLCer and if you are able to do so, please amend a few of your words so that your questions apply to both NYM and other former MLCers more precisely.

If you have difficulty doing so please PM me and I will adjust accordingly.
Thanks

[megogirl]

Good for your Sis, Shock, for ignoring the HS riff-raff.

Let me state for the record that all those who insist she’s still in MLC are ill-informed and delusional.  What person in MLC regrets their actions and then wants their spouse back?!

It amazes me how some people can live through this, yet still know absolutely NOTHING.

[terra]

Shocks sis, and all, I have reported at least one antagonistic post from this thread. My question is for both you and also Anjae, NYM, and anyone else (former or recovering MLCer or otherwise) who has a bone to pick with the dynamics in the dialogue here.

For those with a bone to pick, former or recovering MLCer or otherwise:

I don’t like the dogpile that happens here and it’s not limited to Shocks sis or her MLC facts or offering. I don’t like dogpile dynamics on *any* person’s thread or story, *anywhere*. It’s not what I came to HS for, and I find it messy and not fruitful. So I *would* like answers from Anjae and NYM, as to their own MLCs. But to be honest I’d like to see those on your own threads.

Everyone here (and everywhere else) is a work in progress and that’s going to be true until the very last gasp. It’s not helpful to see any former MLCer here having issues with another former MLCer you weren’t and aren’t married to. So if you would, I’d like to know if any former MLCer here honestly thinks they have made a full recovery.

If so, if fully recovered, I would hope you’d see that one contributor’s conversation with those who find them kind and their story relevant shouldn’t be feeling dangerous to you. It doesn’t seem like it should affect you or your story, and for whatever any of it is worth to anyone, you could easily be offering similar insights on your own dedicated thread.

If not, if you yourself are still somewhat in recovery, why not back off on antagonizing anyone else who is still working on it.

Anyone is welcome to answer over at my thread or in PM. It’s sort of amusing that this thread keeps being derailed not by judgmental LBSs but by judgmental former MLCers.

Emphasis added for clarity. I prefer that you let my original post and this one both stand fully unedited.

There’s much to be said for the gift of former MLCers being willing to discourse and self-reflect for the benefit of the readership. I don’t know what it takes to be an titled moderator on any forum, and it looks like a difficult role to me, so I appreciate your stepping in on this thread. But I also see that your ask of me to edit my post exposes some slight bias. The crux of my post was to ask questions of those with a bone to pick, former or recovering MLCer or otherwise, and I believe my wording was and is sound.

If it doesn’t apply to any one reader/contributor, that’s fine and I accept the unstated self-assessment of that person; answer is a gift but not required. Really this is just to move the dialogue along and hopefully to a direction of self-review that profits either the one self-assessing and/or any who come here in hope of learning more about how others behave. No harm is meant in my words.

Ready, thank you for your answers; I have read them on your thread and will follow up there.

NYM, sorry for the misperception; I hope you are not very bothered by it and that Song’s moderator comment and my response serve to clarify.

Song, thank you for comment and offer to help.

Shocks sis and Shockandawe, sorry for derailment. My questions stand, and answers are a gift but not required.

The main thing for anyone concerned about new LBS readers getting the wrong ideas or hopes up from reading this thread or any like it, is that every time you go to town on and in such a thread, your comments boost it right up to the top of the list. That means this thread is very likely to be one of the first a new member reads. Especially as any comment at all moves it closer to the 16th page and opening a new thread. I don’t see that it is a popularity contest, so much as a technical fact.

As time goes on, we are likely to see other former MLCers on board here. Whether and how they choose to disclose and discourse may be decided by the way we allow or impede the dialogue here on Shocks sis’s thread. Here’s hoping for more acceptance and insight than shrapnel, going forward.