[Seahorse]

Thank you SS and following on your new thread.
I appreciate your clarification at the end of your last thread; just posted on it before I saw your new one!

Sea

[megogirl]

Sis,

Your accounting of being in a movie is so fascinating.  Because Stayed’s H (a recovered MLCer) said the EXACT SAME THING!

When you were in your movie - was your XH cast as a character in it?  Or was he just totally gone?

New thread https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11196.0

[Sam I Am]

Attaching

[Bewildered survivor]

Hi ss. I’m glad you have chosen you have chosen to continue on to another thread. I’ve brought my question over from previous thread. It was before other discussions took over so was prob missed.




Quote from: Shockandawe on October 24, 2019, 02:14:36 PM

”I was unstable and during my time in MLC, as I worked subconsciously through my issues, I began to think more positively about my ex h but it would pass and the fog returned. Each time this happened, I would spend more time with the positive feelings and for longer periods. This is how I used the holes in the dam analogy. “


When you had those longer periods of clarity & positive feelings would the fog then come on thicker??

I’m pretty much no contact with xH. It’s only when I’m in the car or in the room when kids FT him (it’s in court order to FT twice daily from my phone until they have their own). I ask this question as today is Diwali. It’s an occasion where we have many memories before & after the kids together. I have thankfully continued the traditions with the kids. I noticed on FT today that xH was acting really weird- talking like a teenager & kept repeating himself. Also kept talking about how he spent the day with OW’s son & how OW had cut his hair & then kept asking the girls repeatedly if they noticed  . So he didn’t see his own family (not forgetting that Diwali is Hindu Xmas day). When he FT’d last night the girls & I were doing something he would have been involved in. It’s like any reminder or clarity of old life brings on this weird behaviour.

The behaviour prompted me to ask you this question as I’m curious to know what you experience after the clarity is? & if it’s pain driven or just more running?

[Ticoman]

Hello Shocksis
I have been reading your treads for awhile now, but it is the first time I reply.
I have found all the information so useful, as it gives me an insight on what has been going on with my MLCer wife. A lot of the things that you have mentioned you did and said; she has done and said.
Thank you so much for being so brave to post about your experience here; it is invaluable. Please keep on posting. Attaching.

[sachat3]

Attaching and when I get a moment will catch up on your other threads

[Shockandawe]

Hi Bewildered

Sorry I missed your question but I will try to answer.
When clarity hit it was beautiful as I could feel the love I had before but it had been inaccessible to me so this overwhelming sense of normalcy of feelings returned and the tears would come as I was afraid I was going crazy. The fog would descend and snatch away the feeling of love and replace it with negativity and indifference. I would then run harder and push away anything which would make me question what was happening. So, yes it would come on thicker and deeper for a while but as time passed the ability of the fog to keep covering my real feelings became harder and harder until I had more clarity than fog.
It’s so difficult to explain this but I hope it gives you some insight.

[megogirl]

Thanx for explaining the pockets of clarity, Sis

The only thing I’ve never understood about them is why are they so DESPERATE?  Like, out of breath, scared - like they’ve just broken out of jail?

It was REAL H, underneath this panic.  What was he trying to escape from?

[Marchingforward]

Hi Bewildered

Sorry I missed your question but I will try to answer.
When clarity hit it was beautiful as I could feel the love I had before but it had been inaccessible to me so this overwhelming sense of normalcy of feelings returned and the tears would come as I was afraid I was going crazy. The fog would descend and snatch away the feeling of love and replace it with negativity and indifference. I would then run harder and push away anything which would make me question what was happening. So, yes it would come on thicker and deeper for a while but as time passed the ability of the fog to keep covering my real feelings became harder and harder until I had more clarity than fog.
It’s so difficult to explain this but I hope it gives you some insight.

Thank you for this explanation. I think this is what I’ve been seeing from my h. It’s most definitely confusing for the LBS so I appreciate you sharing your experiences. Thanks

[Rollercoasterider]

NYM, I respect your opinion as I would expect you to respect mine. You have not lived my life and have no concept of my MLC nor my ex h.

So why do you generalize about MLCers as if you have a concept about THEIR MLC and the LBSes on here?

You get a lot of questions from members of this forum asking for predictions about the trajectory of their MLCer's MLC or your opinion on what they are thinking, etc. and you answer them.

So if I have no concept of your MLC (after 12 threads of you talking about it!?!) or your XH, how is it that YOU have a concept of others' MLC that you can answer their questions with such certainty? Do you have psychic powers?

NYM can be harsh, but she is not necessarily wrong and she makes good points. Those who have followed Shocked Sis' 12 threads should have some basic (or more) idea of her MLC. Asking why her singular experience qualifies her is valid even if it comes off as abrasive and challenging--and the same words may not have come off that way from someone else who does not have a history of seeming abrasive.
 
Think of those questions people outside of our MLC world ask us. Why are you still with him/her? That question is often asked with a tone that clearly implies the speaker is sneering and does not agree with your choice; they are not really asking for the answer, they are saying that your answer is wrong without caring to hear it.

BUT...does that mean the question is not important. Does it mean we should not have that question in our minds as well as our answers--sometimes that answer might be I don't know. That particular question can be so sensitive that when I ask it, I let the person know I am not trying to imply an answer, but that I think it is important for them personally to have an understanding of why they are still here and doing this.

Upon reading NYM's questions to Shocked Sis' many may be assuming she is implying that Shocked Sis should not be offering answers, and and that may be what she is saying, or she is seeking an actual answer. I think others have offered some valid answers in place of Shocked Sis.