[Lioness]

Hi old friends! For some reason, I logged in on the forum today, after more than 3.5 years away. I am so happy you guys are still around. I will be starting a new thread for a long overdue update. Happy Easter! Lioness xx

[Thunder]

Hi Lioness, good to hear from you again.
Yes we need an update.   

Happy Easter!

[gman242]

I just wanted to pop in and say keep up with the self growth and healing!

54 times xyzcf? That's to be applauded regardless if you can remember or not! I think it's easy to focus on taking one day at a time and lose count!

[Thundarr]

Greetings and Salutations, all.  Just wanted to say hi to all of my old friends and fellow survivors here and pass along my regards to all of the newer ones.  I hope everyone is doing well and wish all the wonderful mothers here, along with the fathers who are doing double-duty, a very Happy Mother's Day!!

[Ropeburn]

Hello ,
  Been a while trying to catch up on old timers threads .
 So good to see some moved on so inspired by you guys ,moving up on 7 yr bd here

[FaithWalker]

Good to hear from you RB.  I love it when OT's pop back in.  Did you update your thread?  I would love to hear how you've been and what you've been up to.     I'll go have a look and see.

[xyzcf]

As we have always done on HS, we record parts of our individual journeys here as it may be meaningful to someone else. It is also cathartic to do so, because others will understand perhaps better than our friends and family do.

Our family, Mr. xyzcf, our daughter and son in law just spent 4 days together. We have done this several times and we have a week booked in October together as well as Christmas back here, mainly in my home but we spent time at his as well.

Hero's Spouse and other MLC related material, my interpretation anyway, was that once the MLCer was through their crisis, they would realize what they had done and in my heart, they would want what they once threw away.

I do believe that does happen sometimes....but also that they come through their crisis, changed, and are not interested in the life or the partner they had before.

Like a snake that sheds it's skin, they leave behind the old for something very different.

In my case, from my own choices, we can actually enjoy times together and my prayer that my family would be reunited has materialized. I know another long timer who is away with her husband and two kids on vacation so I am not the only person who has found this middle ground.

Yes, there is a price to be paid. It is difficult for me. I don't know if it is difficult for him or not. It isn't difficult for our daughter although she is very aware that it's hard for me...and when she sees us laughing as we once did, I know she would like to see the parents she knew who once loved one another so very much.

Love doesn't disappear. I still have much love for him.

I have no expectations for "us". I will be sad the rest of today for I am alone again after such a delightful 4 days (and the anticipation of this time that we were going to have together). I cannot see my daughter unless I fly for 4 hours...so there is never any spontaneous meeting her ...it's all planned well in advance.

I am grateful. I am grateful that we can share these days. I am grateful that I can afford to board a plane if I wish to see her. I am grateful that I don't fall apart anymore or become distressed by his presence. I know that this would not work for many LBSers here.

As we so often write, each situation is different and we come into this mess with our own history, our own beliefs and I had to explore which ones I wanted to live with.....so although the price to my own peace is higher than I would like, I'm not sorry that I am willing to risk it.

The past, the memories are still a reality and I have never been able to forget them. For me, there is no logic to this, never was as I enjoyed life more with him than without....but obviously, that is not his view and I respect that we both want something diferrent.

[Treasur]

I think it is useful to share that there are different paths that LBS might choose, depending on their circumstances, so thank you for sharing this xyzcf.

Fwiw, it strikes me that it takes courage to accept something so different from what we want and find a way to work with it to create something good regardless.while being so clear-eyed about what it is and what it is not.

[OldPilot]

FWIW I think that any relationship we will have with our MLC'er after it is over would be a NEW relationship and need to be built from the ground up.

I think that is where you are at now xyzcf, building a new relationship.

The marriage that you had is over and if anything is to develop in the future a lot of hard work will need to happen first.

[Loyal]

To make a long story short his first bout of MLC came around 2009/2010 and back  againbut 100 times worse around 2014/2015 (if my memory is right). He was a monstering live in MLCer until April 2017 when he ghosted me. He found an OW immediately that happens to live less than 2 minutes walk from my apartment and is still together with her. Actually saw the two of them the Sunday before last whilst walking my doggie (whom he also ghosted) and he looked dreadful, the bit of hair he had on his head was white with a matching white beard, his eyes were still dead and he definitely didn`t make a happy impression. The laugh about it was the OW grabbed his hand immediately which was pathetic as "I don`t want him anymore"..
The reason  I´m posting is to let everyone here know, especially the Newbies, that life does go on without them and if you work on yourself it gets better and better and hopefully one day it will make click and you`ll be over them like it happened to me.
As my very wise best friend has always said to  me "Something positive always comes out of something negative" and it`s so true.