[Treasur]

You sound happy, Kell, and that’s nice....we all need a little more happiness going around 

At the risk of raining on your parade, what is your POV about getting legally remarried again? I can see why your xh might want to do that and I can see why you might feel that he is showing you the kind of behaviour that allows you to trust him again or consider moving to be together. At the same time, I presume a lot of things were legally and financially disentangled when you gave him the divorce he wanted.....what are the risks and benefits to you of recreating them by remarrying? What does marriage mean to you now? And more importantly perhaps, what do you think it means to your xh now that it did not before? None of us want to think that, having survived this, it could happen again....and I sincerely hope it does not....but it does happen sometimes here with (relatively) early reconciliations.

[MadLuv]

Great update KB. Sounds like you both are taking cautionary steps on reconciliation and with a early returner that is crucial. I wish I had known better I believe my story would have been different. Wishing you continued connection and hope you pop in every once in a while and continue to share the good and the bad so we can continue to follow your journey

[xyzcf]

Wonderful
Update KB and good for you that you are open to the possibilities ahead.

A good friend from HS was divorced and after 7 years they came together again and remarried a couple of years ago. Life is really good for them so it sounds like he had made it through as sone do.

I wish you the best in life together

[thissucks7788]

What a fantastic story Kell!  So glad you came here to update as I have been wondering about you and H.  You sound happy and things seem to be going so well.  Please update from time to time. 
B
xo

[KellBell]

My pov on marriage is fluid at the moment. On one hand I love him and would love to be his wife, but what does that mean? It's not security or assurance that he's not going to leave again. I don't know. I like dating him right now. But I also miss him and us being together. I'm afraid we'll fall into old habits and patterns when we move in together. I mean we've made plans and talked about how to avoid that, but I think it will always be a genuine fear. Financially I'd be better off if we remarried. I got a sweet deal when we divorced but since then, he's inherited monies and company stocks are worth more. So he's risking a lot by wanting to marry me again. Hard to say.

As for the timeline...I know they have a "timeline" for MLC. But no one's story is the same. No spouse is the same. Some wake up real quick and some take more time. Some have no interest in ever fixing themselves and will never wake up. I have no explanation as to why that is. I know that I realized early on that I wanted my husband but never needed him. And although it hurts like hell to be rejected...I'm not going to be with someone who doesn't want me. Which leads to the question or concern of reentering the fog.I fully accept that he may relapse at some point. However at this moment, he is going through the steps. He's working on himself and us. It's worth the risk for me. I'm not going to NOT try because he hasn't tunneled for x amount of time. He's realized where his insecurities stem from, he's processing childhood trauma and seeking help for addictions. He's making amends and changing past behaviors. We're more communicative. So I'm going to give him a chance. Give us a chance. And if he goes back into the fog a few years down the road...then I will realize it is what it is. And know that I'd be ok without him. I'm capable and strong and independent and have really found myself through this whole journey. I'm not the same person he left 2 years ago. I have better tools and strength. And even though it would hurt to be rejected again...I can't NOT try. I need to give him a chance to be better and be the husband and father he's trying to be. You can't grow if you're never given the opportunity. I love him and so I'll give him that.

[xyzcf]

I don’t think we can live our life “ worried” that it might happen again. “If it does” you will deal with it but there is a good chance that it will not.

As you have said, every situation is different. It sounds to me that he really does want you in his life and you love him so there is nothing that needs to be explained. 

[UrsaMajor]

"Timelines" are a fictitious way of assigning a duration to the unknown. It is like saying all children walk at one and talk at two.... Except that is not necessarily the case. Each person is different.

What strikes me is that your MLCxH is, from what I can gather over here in the cheap seats, doing the work needed to figure out what it is/was that drove him over the edge of the cliff in the first place and that, in and of itself, is a powerful indicator. Those that are on the Wash, Rinse, Spin, Repeat cycle usually do not go down that road of taking responsibility for their actions, finding out what it was internally that caused them to loose their stuff, doing the hard work of changing the patterns they have become accustomed to....

[WHY]

Kell Ive been following your story for a long time.  You're an inspiration to us all.  On behalf of HS, we are VERY happy for you!

I think there's a lot to be learned here.  Look at Kell's signature and the message she brings to the table.  Every day that goes by, I become more of a believer in fully letting them go as soon as feasibly possible. 

Well done Kell.  Well done. 

[KellBell]

Hey hey- just here to check in. Xh and I are still doing great. After a year of long distance, counseling and hard work, we’re moving back in together next month. It’s been 2 years since we’ve lived together. Such a weird feeling of being together but not like it was. We’ve been through so much. But honestly I feel like I’ve survived the worst case. And if that’s it (don’t get me wrong- it really sucked) then absolutely I’ll try again with him. We’re getting remarried in September!

Adults kids and him are still working on their individual relationships. It’s tricky and a slow process.

Anyway- I’m catching up on other’s stories. My head still spins at how crazy this all is. The support and advice from this community got me through dark times and validated me when I needed it most. You’re such good people. Much love

[zartheit]

Fantastic to hear! Congratulations to the both of you, and good luck with the future relationship. It must be a familiar and brand-new feeling all at once.