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Author Topic: My Story His MLC and my journey

K
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My Story His MLC and my journey
#120: September 05, 2023, 09:01:40 AM
Congratulations Kellbell, maybe it's a New York wedding - so good they named it twice  :)

How brave of you to share your journalling with your H. Brave of him to start reading your posts. Thank you for continuing to share with the community. It is really appreciated and of course, very generous of you!
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W

WHY

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His MLC and my journey
#121: September 05, 2023, 12:13:36 PM
Amazing Kell.  I wish you and H the best going forward.
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t
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His MLC and my journey
#122: September 05, 2023, 01:00:22 PM
What a wonderful update Kell! Best to you and your H.
B
xo
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M
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His MLC and my journey
#123: September 14, 2023, 06:13:45 AM
Wow!  KellBell I’m so happy for you.  I’ve always admired the way you handle things and this is no exception.  I’ve disappeared for a while from the forum as I’ve just been stuck in my own head lately and this was a great update to see. 
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His MLC and my journey
#124: October 03, 2023, 09:51:33 PM
Congrats on the re-marriage KellBell!  Thrilled for you.   :)
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."
K
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His MLC and my journey
#125: March 21, 2024, 11:41:39 AM
Just wanted to check in and say Thank you again for all the support and encouragement this community offers. When we are going through this with our spouse- it's so easy to get lost in the emotional side and lose track rationally. This group really helped me keep focus on the facts (this was HIS issue, work on myself, nothing to do with me, hard to make sense of because it was/is non-sensical etc).

Hubs and I are still doing great and honestly happier than ever,. We communicate more and it's intentional, easy and nonjudgmental. He's still very much acknowledges his mistakes and issues, doesn't try to defend them and takes the full blame and accountability. I'm the first to admit, I had my own issues to work on and grew a lot during all of this. And really that still my number one piece of advice for anyone going through this. Work on yourself. That's the one thing you can 100% control and in a time when your world seems out of control...this will help. It will ground you and prepare you a great future regardless of if your MLC person is in that future or not. Work on your hobbies, your dreams, all the things you wanted to do (big or small), find focus, find purpose. Use this time to do the work and you won't regret it!

thanks again everyone!
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YOU keep interrupting his crisis. YOU keep him distracted with all your questions, statements and observations. YOU keep him from facing himself, from feeling the pain of missing his family (until he is ready to do something about it...or not ). YOU are keeping him from fully feeling and facing the man he is.  Leave him 100% to his own devices and crisis ...100% shut it all down.  Bow out...its not about you! I sometimes feel they have stranded themselves on some deserted island. They have done that to themselves as a result of their own actions, choices, behaviors. They need to figure out how to get off the island...the messy painful island they put themselves on. Stop taking him fresh water, food, homemade baking, clean clothes etc....why would he try to make himself better?
E
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His MLC and my journey
#126: March 21, 2024, 02:12:50 PM
Thanks for catching us up KB. Glad things are still going well. Sounds like you need a pink or purple icon these days (so happy for you).
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M: 54 (48 @ BD), H: 56 (51 @ BD); Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 25 (19 @ BD), D: 23 (17 @ BD), 'Extra D': 23 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW - he (supposedly) met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her.
Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her (never happens).
May 22: Movement... (likely T&G? Time will tell I guess)
May 23: Yep, definitely a T&G last year. Still have contact but very minimal. He is a long way away from me these days. He doesn't seem particularly happy in his new life... but he's still there soooo....
Jun 23: I meet a lovely new man (M).
Jun 24: xH and OW finally buy a block of land
Jul 24: xH proposes to OW... in front of the whole family, just wow...
b
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Re: His MLC and my journey
#127: March 24, 2024, 05:04:16 PM
Great update, Kell.  Your story and journey is proof that when both spouses work on their own individual issues, a new R can be successfully navigated.  Everyone of us who came here initially hoped and prayed our MLC'ER would be one of those who would "wake up" and see and own their issues.  Happy that yours was one of those who had the courage to do so, and that you let him do it for himself.
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W

WHY

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His MLC and my journey
#128: March 25, 2024, 09:14:14 AM
Kell you’ve made tremendous progress and we are all VERY happy for you. 

Please pop in every 6 months or so and keep the updates coming.   It’s good to know that there are some happy endings and they do actually exist.   

Onward and upward!
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K
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His MLC and my journey
#129: March 26, 2024, 07:18:04 AM
Evermore- I'm not sure how to get my profile changed to pink or purple. I think it's an admin thing.

Why- goodness Thank you! I think about you and your family often. I wish you all the happiness regardless of her.
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YOU keep interrupting his crisis. YOU keep him distracted with all your questions, statements and observations. YOU keep him from facing himself, from feeling the pain of missing his family (until he is ready to do something about it...or not ). YOU are keeping him from fully feeling and facing the man he is.  Leave him 100% to his own devices and crisis ...100% shut it all down.  Bow out...its not about you! I sometimes feel they have stranded themselves on some deserted island. They have done that to themselves as a result of their own actions, choices, behaviors. They need to figure out how to get off the island...the messy painful island they put themselves on. Stop taking him fresh water, food, homemade baking, clean clothes etc....why would he try to make himself better?
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