[beyondblessed]

Sounds like you are moving in the right direction, TH!  I imagine co-parenting with the MLC'ER can be rather challenging, to say the least.  I can't offer anything else to that aspect, since I don't have children, but I know you will always do what is best for your D, and you are her only responsible parent, at least for the time being.

I'm glad you've found a stable partner.  It's a blessing that after all the deceit we've survived, that we are willing and able to trust and love deeply, once again.

[titleholder]

You sound good. I am 4 years out and now just ready to think about a new relationship. I dont know how you were able to handle a new relationship and small child. Congrats to you!!! Keep coming back and updating!

Sometimes I also don't know how I've handled this entire $h!teshow.. I think that I'm such a core 'fighter' that I really refused to let this situation get me on my knees. I also took some time to grieve and get my live in order, but with being so young (33 at divorce) I also decided that it was worth to find out if it was possible for me to find an opportunity to live my life they way I've always intended and that was to be a family. It's not the family in how I've always imagined it with the father of my child, but for now I'm really taking steps forward with somebody who has the same core-values as me and is not afraid to step up 100%.

Thank you for your support always MadLuv! I feel like you're one of those people in the forum I'm taking this journey with together..

[titleholder]

Sounds like you are moving in the right direction, TH!  I imagine co-parenting with the MLC'ER can be rather challenging, to say the least.  I can't offer anything else to that aspect, since I don't have children, but I know you will always do what is best for your D, and you are her only responsible parent, at least for the time being.

I'm glad you've found a stable partner.  It's a blessing that after all the deceit we've survived, that we are willing and able to trust and love deeply, once again.

Thank you BB, I appreciate your support!

[titleholder]

Journaling:

My xH are in frequent communication because of our D, that communication is always short en focused on the needs of our D. Because our D is starting school shortly we had to have a conversation about all the logistics surrounding that subject. That put me in a spot where we had to be one on one and have a serious conversation about the future.

It was a good conversation; honest, open, he takes accountability for a lot of things I presented to him without monstering and was open for feedback on his role as a father. He still has a long road to travel; mainly focused on himself and his needs, listening to feedback and changing your behaviour are two different things and OW still very much in the picture. But he's progressing..

When the conversation was finished and I wanted to leave he apologized for everything he has done and in his own words 'for ruining my life'. I'm still shocked about that apololgy because I never expected it but it felt good to finaly get it and him admitting that what has happened was nobody's fault but his own.
 

[UrsaMajor]

Journaling:

When the conversation was finished and I wanted to leave he apologized for everything he has done and in his own words 'for ruining my life'. I'm still shocked about that apology because I never expected it but it felt good to finally get it and him admitting that what has happened was nobody's fault but his own.

Well, slap my belly with a 10 pound salmon..... Maybe he is actually starting to come around and take responsibility......

[titleholder]

Well, slap my belly with a 10 pound salmon..... Maybe he is actually starting to come around and take responsibility......

Haha love the gif!
For the sake of my daughter I really, really hope he does. There's movement going on, let's hope it keeps going in the good direction! But what you always say Ursa is still true; snail-speed! 

[Treasur]

Wish I had a fiver for every time here I have read something similar, one of those apologies that eventually comes - sometimes years later - and comes as a surprise. And usually of course comes long past the time when you longed for it and perhaps long past the time when there is anything practically to do with it really.

And of course, much as one believes them in the moment, there’s usually a tiny bit of you which is a bit cynical that it might disappear as quickly as it came bc….well, experience right?

For those of us who have never yet got that apology, I hope it was at least a reminder to you that none of this was your fault and that it brought you something which felt better than not. For those with children, entirely understandable to hope that this might be an apology with some substance and translate into being a better and more stable parent at least. I guess you’ll just have to see how/if he turns his words into actions?

[titleholder]

Wish I had a fiver for every time here I have read something similar, one of those apologies that eventually comes - sometimes years later - and comes as a surprise. And usually of course comes long past the time when you longed for it and perhaps long past the time when there is anything practically to do with it really.

This exactly! I'm 'happy' with the apology because it's confirmation that was has happened isn't my fault. It's something that I've always know, but in the midst of the crisis, history re-writing and gaslighting you really begin to question your own reality and sanity. But it's also too little too late (for me) to mean something in regards of our relationship or family. It mostly means that we hopefully can have a respectfull co-parent relationship and that he keeps growing in his father role and his part of taking responsibility in raising our D.

But after everything that has happened I'm always carefull.. Let's see his words change into actions. And especially with OW still in the picture I don't think the big growth that's needed is coming at this moment, but he progressing and I'm really happy to see that.

[Biscuit]

I think you'd have a good few hundred quid Treasur - and that would be just from the stories here on HS.

TH - I'm glad you got that apology - I think it means a great deal to us LBS as a sanity check - that our reality wasn't skewed - and that the (major) problems in our break up really weren't of our making, or in our control.

Maybe it's a shame that it comes too late for many of us to really make a difference to us. But maybe not, maybe the day after BD wouldn't have made much difference!
You sound like you're in a really good place TH! Really happy for you!

B x

[Dragonfly33]

Talking about apologies, I got lots of them after I found out about the OW. My xh was even crying to me while asking for forgiveness. But all those apologies were just words. There was no remorse that came with it. I still got blamed. So for me they meant nothing. It really depends if the apology was sincere or it was just to take control of you. Just my opinion.