[Standing Strong]

So great to hear from you! Glad that you are doing well. It's been a long journey and hard work.

You flourish and yet still remained in very close contact with your wife. It can be done when we let go of all expectations. That of course is the difficult thing to do.

Your observations of your wife over the years and the changes in her have been very helpful, we see the cracks, we see their pain...and as much as we would like to do so, this is their journey, and the changes that happen to both of us do mean we are different ...but then, we would have been different over a span of 5 years anyway...but perhaps, the differences would have been "together" rather than such a wide distance apart.

Will there be a 2.0.? Time will tell. And I look forward to hearing more as time goes on.

These are broken people, broken from past history and whatever else caused their crisis.......broken people need love and you show her that love is still possible.

Thank you for your words, your dedication to your wife and your faith. Thank you for coming back and sharing your story.

Hi XYZ 
It's really nice to see them healing, and slowly figuring themselves out. Mine is very similar to before, but also different. A weight of a sorts is gone, I think she is much more genuine than before...... but still, that weight has been replaced by another: now it is her which is walking on eggshells of a kind. How the tables turn..... wanting to connect, but not knowing how, and added to it: guilt, shame, and the intense desire to hide both. Not accountable yet...... but someday.

I wish it didn't take all these years, and all this damage, and the new knots to undo..... but there's no other way. Still..... I would see her healed than live a life which is false and pretend. I want my life to be REAL..... and it is. I can't imagine what it would be like any other way. For that, I'm very glad she will either get all the way there, or at least most of the way there. I wonder if any of them get all the way there.... it seems like (the ones I've talked to with MLC in their past) what is new is permanent but what was old, or damaged is like a regret and a loss.

Sure would be nice to have someone love you like we love our spouses. It almost seems fantasy-like. HA!!! But no one will ever love them like we loved them, and I think they come to know that too.

-SS

[Standing Strong]

Still following along, my friend.  And still two months ahead of you, LOL

Alvin

Alvin!!! HA!!! 

Two months ahead of me!!! NO WAY!!!! 
How are you doing? I really need to catch up on your thread. I've been away so much, I don't even know how far back to go anymore.

-SS

[Standing Strong]

SS,

How about an update on….

The six pack
Your vacation plans
Your furry friend
Pinball

Great work as always!

HD

HD!!!! Another thread I need to catchup on!!! How are you? 

I'm wonderful my friend!!! Life is gooooooodddddd!!!
Losing weight, the six pack will be mine!!!!  I'm about to start lifting again..... I think I've figured out that I do better lifting than tons of cardio. Soooooo, I'm going to put on 30lbs of muscle and see what that does. That used to be easy - guess I'll see how hard it is now that I'm a bit older. 20lbs would be ok. 

Lots of travel, one Vegas trip down, another at the end of the year..... pinball show in half a year, and Halloween at Universal once again!!! It's a packed year of travel..... and once again: all alone.  Well, at least for the time being. You never know...... HA!!!  I'm super excited because on one trip, I'm going 1st class!!! Wooohooo!!! I've never done that before, but it's on my bucket list. Got an incredible deal where it was the same price as a regular ticket - so I took it. Very exciting.

The little hound is a delight as always..... he has friends in the neighborhood and visits them two or three times a day on his walks...... always culminating with him peeing in their yard, on their plants, or on their wall. He is a little boy thru and thru..... and his daddy is very proud of him.
He still (as always) gravitates to W: he is her emotional support creature.... and he takes his job very seriously.  He sleeps in the bed with us, last night he was growling in his sleep on woke us up. Very cute. He comes and gets me so I go to the bed and be with him and W..... he tries to be a little matchmaker.

Pinball? Oh yes!!!! I'm going to the show again this year (going to be awesome), and I've adopted a new rule: One machine a year..... so I'm gearing up to get another one (W doesn't know yet.... HA!!!). I figure by the time I retire, I'll have a small collection to put on location at an amusement & food joint I'd like to open. The funniest thing is, there's another Elvira pinball I'd absolutely love to have. HA!!! Not this year, but some other year? Oh yes. 

Well, that's my life.... and it's a good one. Lots of work, lots to do, and a whole lot to enjoy and look forward to. Having something on the horizon has been super helpful, and I won't let another moment go by in my life without something planned. Even booked two trips to Vegas next year, just so that they're there (can always cancel or reschedule). More life, more fun, more things to see and do. How can W resist? I don't know, but I can't resist!!! HA!!! 

-SS

[Standing Strong]

Good journalling. I think one of the best things to come out of this mess has been learning to not have those expectations. Not expecting people to do what I would do. We set ourselves up for disappointment. That alone has been  freeing .

Hey ML!!! Long time no talk!! 

Yes, no expectations, expectations are bad........

The tide came in and dragged W away........ the tide was still hungry and came in again to get me, and I played in the water. The tide was confused and went away.

W washed up on the beach, and found me still there. "You're still here?!?!? I thought you'd be gone"....... Nope..... like my sandcastle? (as the dog pees on the sandcastle = if daddy built it, it must be his)

HA!!! 

-SS

[Standing Strong]

Oh... I forgot something.......

My parents just celebrated their 50th anniversary and were going to have lunch. I invited W....... her response: "Do they want me there?". You see, she still thinks they hate her...... of course when she says that, I ask "why would they hate you?"...... I get no answer. 

So she didn't go..... they always need that out.... just aren't ready yet.
My father however, didn't want her there and asked that I not bring her (I didn't know this when I asked her).
So it all worked out ok..... but there is much work to be done.... not just in W, but in my family as well. It's very unfortunate that people are unable to forgive: not themselves, and not others.

There is no way forward without forgiveness.... and what reason do we have to not forgive? Sure, people hurt us..... things don't work out the way we want or imagine. Life isn't fair..... things we value are lost. Irreplaceable things are broken..... lives are changed without our choice.
But the one thing we do have control and power over, is ourselves..... what we are, how we are, and what we choose to be.
I have pain, and I have lost.... but I will forgive. No matter what: I will forgive. It is my choice, and it is within my power. How disappointing that others, who are either responsible, or have not shared in the pain to my extent are unable to forgive. I do not understand this, except that it is the only choice they are capable of at this time... and that they need patience and understanding if they are to be shown the way.... the right way..... the only way.

How easy it is to harden the heart, to be unworthy, to turn away, and close the eyes. How simple it would be to not feel again, to protect oneself until they are not even alive anymore. How seductive it would be to reject until one was truly and completely alone...... No. Not me. I will not bear hard feelings, mistrust, nor carry with me the ghosts of the past. Today I am alive, and free, and I shine. I forgive, I forgave, and someday I will forget. 

-SS

[amazinglove]

Your post is so beautiful SS. I admire you immensely. Thank you for sharing.

[Biscuit]

Nice to read your post SS, as always!

Life sounds great for you, I'm so glad you're enjoying it to the full.

[Treasur]

I wonder if it is easier to forgive those who hurt us than it is to forgive those who hurt people we love and feel powerless to protect perhaps? Certainly I found it so.

Whether we - or our spouses - like it or not, years of this kind of behaviour changes the shared landscape and how others view them. And us maybe. That might be sad, but it’s normal and reasonable that it does.

[Baxter1]

SS-

Great update! 5 years, I don’t know how you do it, but im glad you’re here helping us newbies out.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Still following along, my friend.  And still two months ahead of you, LOL

Alvin

Alvin!!! HA!!! 

Two months ahead of me!!! NO WAY!!!! 
How are you doing? I really need to catch up on your thread. I've been away so much, I don't even know how far back to go anymore.

-SS

Living best of my life too (if excluding some health woes ). And still growing and evolving to become best version me, LOL.

For better or worse my XW is still out there, with zero/minimum contact.  I guess it just shows how individual the MLCr timelines can be... But I'm definitely keeping my thumbs up for you two

Alvin