[Helpnewc]

So I struggle on.

The latest development is I have been accused of being financially controlling. In circumstances, where I paid for everything and every expense in our marriage and my wife had all of her own money.

And dispute I multi million dollar settlement, my wife says she can’t pay half of a family impact report.

I explained how sad the allegation made me. I got something back about a hedge trimmer.

So sad and crazy.

[Helpnewc]

So despite giving my ex wife a couple of million dollars the family court decided I should have to pay the whole of the $11,000 report to assess where our kids should live. It beggars belief.

It really is difficult as man to negotiate the system. There is this will to believe men are bad for some reason. I try to remain focussed on how well it is going with my daughters which is wonderful.

My wife lied in her evidence about the money she had on hand and as far as I am concerned that is it for me. Lying to me is one thing but lying on your oath is another. I suppose I should not be surprised.

I just can’t work out where my wife went. This creature is frankly unbelievable and that she has so little regard for me amazes me.


I do wish I had not hung in there so long hoping for change. The transformation seems permanent and I was naive to expect a return to the woman I knew. But I suppose I had to go on the journey to get here.


I cannot see myself speaking to her again. I try not to be moralistic but her recent behaviour disgust me.

[AlvinTheMaker]

So sorry for the events you are going through.

The good news it that is only money you are losing now. It is something you can always make more.

The bad news is that she is taking the lead role with family court. You gotta change that dynamic - all it takes is you changing your steps. Get outside help, get coaching, do whatever it takes to make next round more balanced.

Alvin

[Helpnewc]

Thanks Alvin,

I have the best legal advice and have done my best. I just can’t lie on affidavits given my role as an officer of the Court.

I have just learned how far gone she is. It will be a long road.

[Dragonfly33]

Help sorry about the situation you are in right now. I cannot imagine to be in your shoes. I hope the court will make a balanced and fair decision. Praying for you. It’s been 2 years since my divorce and I’m glad it was over. You’ll get there too.

[Helpnewc]

Dear Colleagues,

I am surprised how hard today was. I went to watch my girls play soccer but it was my wife’s weekend with them. So I sat on my chair alone. She did not acknowledge my presence. My eldest smiled at me twice when she could not been seen by my wife.

I packed up my chair and walked away after the second game. I heard a yell and it was my littlest yelling Dad. She gave me a hug and I left.

I will stick at it. My kids need to know I am there to watch them. I can’t do much about them being afraid to talk to me.

But it is hard. This person you loved and who now thinks you are something you are not. But all I can be is a good man and love my kids.


But it is not a world I ever wanted to inhabit.

[MadLuv]

I’m sorry Help.  It’s all so hard.  My XH has  escaped to a nee life and hasnt seen his kids for over 3 years after 30 together. It is so hard to be in a life u imagined and try to accept things as they are, but you are doing that to your best ability and that’s all you can do. Keep showing up.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear that you are are going through all of this. I know that you are in the phase where the ex is trying to punish you for all that you have done to her. Trust me, I went through that phase. Everything was my fault and it was my fault she acted the way she did. However, this is just shifting the blame so it eases her own guilt.

I never wanted to inherent this mess either and there is nothing I can say that can make it any better. However, your statement is the best mindset:

But all I can be is a good man and love my kids.

That is the right focus. You can only control you and your actions can influence others. That's the best you can do on any given day. I do hope you stick at it and don't be discouraged. She made her choice and just as much as you have to live with her decision, so does she.

Have an awesome day,

(((Ready)))

[Baxter1]

All the way from this side of the world I can see that you are a good man and good father. No one deserves this but you are navigating this the best way you can. I’m so glad you were at the game and you got a hug, sounds like it was worth the trip.

[Helpnewc]

So I saw the $11,000 social worker I was made to pay for. The most expensive game of UNO I have ever played.

As expected, she sided with my ex-wife and saw me as some driven, dominating successful law partner. She recommend our existing arrangement of 5 nights with me a fortnight with me returning them at 8 pm on a Sunday so effectively 6 days.

My wife had sought I see the girls 3 nights a fortnight but has agreed to the existing arrangement. I have decided to accept that and move on. The reality is that I will wait a year for a hearing and by that stage my eldest will just decide what she wants without the courts intervention and my youngest will follow her.

I am content enough with the decision. I am down a day but I have not put my daughters through the wringer.  I very disappointed at the lies that have been told by my wife in her sworn evidence. It just beggars belief.

I feel lighter. The girls are going well and I suspect I might get what I wanted in the future just by being a great dad. My wife still has not told them about the boyfriend but she said she would last weekend. It seems she did not.

I find it very sad. My wife is still in lala land with the new fellow and it is 3 years post. But she just tells so many lies and it is difficult to have her in my life.

It is taken so long to be a better person. To let go of my old life and to start recovering. I feel this is a step towards a better life.