[One day at a time]

Thank you all for the words of encouragement.. Having a group of people who truly get what this feels like is really priceless. Things are getting a bit harder as the moment approaches. I just learnt that he brought his "other wife" with him... I literally have no words, he's in and out of the country in a handful of days but she still had to come with him.. i see this as nothing else but control on her part.. either way, I want to believe his parents and her will have the decency to stay away from the court house but I really don't know what to expect

My family and friends are all checking in with me which is lovely but it's making me very emotional. A friend tried to ring but I told her I didn't feel like talking. I need space to process and get through the next 24 hours.. MLC, the gift that keep on giving

My ex SIL, who has been very supportive and has kept me updated on whatever she heard so I could prepare, gave me a "clean slate" necklace when I started to get on my feel after H walked.. I will wear that tomorrow, it will be the first day of my clean slate

[PJ Ames]

I like that clean slate image. A clean slate for you to write the rest of your life on.

You got this One Day!

[OffRoad]

Everyone needs to do this their own way. I needed to do it alone, and be alone after to sort myself because I kind of dissociated to get through. The judge in my case said "I think this is the most civil divorce I have ever seen." I mean, what was the point in saying or doing anything other than just getting it over with? My ExH told me to "Have a nice day."    I just asked him if he was insane and left.

Virtual hugs. It sucks.

[One day at a time]

I want to thank you all again for your support over the last few days.. It's been tough but it's over.. As this is already post #150, I started a new thread and will journal more later...

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12019.0

[Music45]

Hello
Thought I'd do a quick update as it's been 3+ months...and the news is....there isn't any!

H went on his 3 month trip to NZ with OW. I didn't hear from him at all while he was away. He came back the day before S' birthday so I saw him then and have had a little contact with him re some family matters but effectively he's gone from 6+ years as a clinger (and former boomerang) to a semi-vanisher.

So...coming up on 7 years since BD and....

 

[UrsaMajor]

OW is sinking her claws in deeper and deeper....

It will all be in him whether he CHOOSES to do something about his issues or not. In the meantime, the boat has dropped the rope, jettisoned the anchor and is off making Music of her own...

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Thought I'd do a quick update as it's been 3+ months...and the news is....there isn't any!

What have you done? This is about your journey. While he was off on his vacay with desperate woman, you were there for his children. Who is the better role model? Robinson Crusoe and his sidekick Sunday or you? Madluv is right on how lucky the kids are and how you have done right by them.

Keep us updated on your success and movement forward. I bet there is a lot to post,

(((Ready)))

[rosetintedglasses]

Hey Music,

How are things going?

Hope you are ok
Rose 🌹

[Music45]

Realised that it's nearly a year since I last posted.
Where does the time go?

H remains very distant still. Has been for over a year now after being a clinging boomerang since BD up till then. Rarely hear from him. He lost a distant uncle recently and messaged to tell me  . Someone he hadn't seen for years and I'd never met.
A close friend of his sadly died recently too. H called me after I'd messaged him my condolences (I rarely message but felt it was right to in the circumstances). S thinks H contacts me at these times (death?) as I'm his "core family" . Who knows? Odd but this is his mlc. It's all odd.

Meanwhile I got a rescue dog in January. He's  a mix breed from the streets of Romania and I love him to bits. I lost two labradors since bd and it was time. That feeling of being missed and welcomed back home - regardless - that dogs are brilliant at, is so powerful.

I have mostly good days though i still get wafts of "wth?",  I won't lie. It passes. I enjoy my job. Feel like I'd like to meet someone as don't really want to be alone for the rest of my days but I don't get to meet many single 50+ men so that's my next challenge...

Been in my own (without H) home for nearly 2 years. That's flown by. Have found I can cope with what comes along: fence panels lost in gales, blocked guttering etc without resorting to H who was always there before to fix stuff. Good to find that inner strength is still in there!! 

Thanks for reading.

[Evermore]

Good to hear your update Music. You sound a lot like I feel. Still have those WTF!? moments but they pass and days are now mostly good. H still very distant.

S thinks H contacts me at these times (death?) as I'm his "core family" .

I hadn't thought of it exactly like that ^ before, but I think your S is right because I think my xh still thinks of me as 'core family' as well.

It explains why he still wants to maintain a family health insurance policy and a joint bank account (despite being divorced now for several years and despite living with OW for 5 years). And why he still 'likes' and comments on many of my FB posts. I've tried before to explain the feeling I have about this and about how I think he feels about me/us; but haven't ever managed to explain it well (even to myself). So thank your S for giving me a better way of framing how I think he feels. Yes, yes, I know we can't actually know. It's what I sense though.

I COMPLETELY agree that dogs are brilliant at making us feel loved and needed. Very glad to hear you have a new one in your life.