[Is your MLCer High or Low Energy]

Is your MLCer High or Low Energy

High Energy

18 (39.1%)

Low Energy

17 (37%)

I don't know, he seems kind of in-between

11 (23.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

Voting closed: June 27, 2011, 01:28:35 PM

[Gardenia]

RCR

Thanks for that, it is kind of what I have been thinking but I wanted to get it written down.

OP, I wonder if that has the affect of dragging some aspects of replay out even longer? Because if the fantasy REALLY is a fantasy, then they never have the fantasy destroyed by the reality of a real person.

Absolutely, that is why the low energy mlcers take so long.

This kind of worries me. I wonder about this for my H. After three years of not seeing the alienator he will be visiting near where she lives. He told me there is a possibility he might see her. She even told me long long ago before leaving that she thinks my H is living in a fantasy.


Well, I am still praying this is coming to an end for him. Something in changing I just cant exactly put my finger on it but I have to keep hope and faith it is for the best for our family.

We do need more info on the low energy MLC.

[Angel61]

Maybe my H fits into the low energy and at the same time clinging boomerang type.

Male, 44 at BD

EA with 32 y/o,from out of the country. Hired her to help out with a research site in her country, then helped her get a post-grad here in the US. Was typically knight in shining armor, helping her with her academic work. I believe active EA for 3-4 months, then broke off contact, then resumed contact till present, mostly phone/texting. recently said his feelings for OW are waning, that I was right, it is just an infatuation

Never left home. Bomb drop was first time he said he wanted a divorce, but quickly changed his mind. Would bring up D every now and then, but when I would say OK, would not do anything, or start acting like nothing is wrong. Lately said he is staying and not leaving, that he has come to the point that he realizes he cannot give up everything, but still says he does not feel anything for me, that he feels stuck. He cannot abandon his family, and also, he feels that he cannot break his vows. Wants to stay in the marriage but does not want to work for the marriage.

Devoted father. Does all his responsibilities as a husband. Cooks, cleans, does our finances, makes sure we have family vacations, altough very controlling.

Knows he is confused. Knows he is in MLC - self diagnosed from the start. Knows what makes him worse, better, and what I do that ticks him off. very much textbook case in that sense.

So what do you think? agree with me?

[Finding Hope]

I believe I have a low-energy MLCer
Age:49
Age at BD: 48
EA, says that they are just friends, I believe he has 2 "friends.
Still lives at home
2 kid- d22, not living at home D-17 still at home and I have a son 34 not living at home.
In the beginning of our relationship he was the pursuer, afte DB I was, not no one is.

Don't know for sure this is MLC. Got the ILYBINILWY speech, says that I was controlling and treated him like a child. Only saw monster when I crossed his boundries, spooping, finding out about OW. Has said that he wants to stay together until d graduates high school 5/2012. Has told me that he was moving out of bedroom hasn't. Haven't seem monster for a couple months now and no talk of divorce.

[WarriorPriestess]

Confused, it definitely sounds like the typical MLC MO.  I bumped the low energy thread for you to read through and see if that helps.

[moc]

Gender: Female
Age at Bomb Drop: 10/2008 (40), was sick for 2yr then 04/2011 (42)
Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore...PA that continued to EA, brief 3mo or so, not sure if any others
Are they home? at home, traveling frequently back to home town for party/validation
If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?) never lived with alienator
Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living? Yes, S23 S17 S9 and S9 living with us; S21 and D19 at college
Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb: I tried pursing for awhile until remember the 180, W pursues at times unless I get a truth dart in and she distances for weeks.  She distanced after bomb drop but used sex to keep connection with me.  Still does at this point and I rarely pursue.

Never got the ILYBINILWY but might as well have.  Says I am boring and wouldn't allow friends over to house (rewriting history of MLC script).  Rarely see monster unless I give truth darts then monster comes out.  Was going to move out but BF changed her MLCer mind is still in bedroom, some intimacy.

[honour]

High energy MLCer on steroids

Gender Female
Age at Bomb Drop 47 (turned 48 month later). At BD/admission of infidelity, she spoke of being confused.
Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore... yes ongoing
Are they home? No
If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?) With alienator
Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living? Yes. D22, S19. D22 at university, S19 back home after several months travelling.
Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb During relationship/marriage pursuing was mutual. Post BD: no pursuing, great deal of distance. At BD she very generously said, "we can still be friends". Seems to have changed her mind. Was it something I said?

honour

[Shantilly Lace]

Oh you know I don't quite know where Dearheart slots.
A CB although he hasn't 'clung' to me for about a year. None of the I love you or anything.
He transferred it to the the house, animals and started on the girls lol.

Started of high energy, moved to low and I think he has stayed pretty consistent although just lately the clothes buying has ramped up again and fixing his car.

So who knows.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

   

• Gender
• Age at Bomb Drop
• Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore...
• Are they home?
  If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?)
• Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living?
• Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb

Male
35
None
Yes
No
My H was the pursuer both pre-Bomb and now; however, for many months after Bomb, my H majorly distanced himself from me

[standingfromadistance]

Before reading this I thought low-energy. Now I believe high-engery!!

Gender: male

Age at BD: 59

Infidelity: for the one time in the beginning that I asked they are "just friends". After 2 years plus, of course I don't believe that. He has not talked to either of our sons about her or our sitch.

Living with alienator: yes

Children: 2 boys ages 42 and 39

I have considered myself the pursuer much to my embarrassment although I backed off in the last six months.

[limitless]

/list] Here are my current ideas about low energy MLCers
 

• Less likely to have a long-term affair.
• An emotional affair is more likely than the affair going physical
• Often the affair ends quickly, maybe even before Bomb
  Overt Depression.
• Though they may try to escape and avoid these behaviors are more internal. They are less likely to move out of the home--or if they do eventually they remain at home much longer than high energy MLCers
• They may be more aware that they are confused--though I'm merely guessing and you can tell me more
• The crisis seems milder than those who are high-energy--when you compare to other stories on the boards
  The crisis may take longer (or not, I'm not sure) because without the high energy of in-fatuation they do not have as much to work against.
• You, as the LBS, may question of it is MLC since high-energy is more to the sterotype.

As this has been bumped up....and I answered the questions last year......I wanted to comment a bit on what I think as time has passed.......

I continue to see my H as a Low Energy MLCer.....He has had OW (I believe 3/Maybe only 2) - which, it appears, haven't "worked out." 

I believe his 1st affair (EA/PA??) - ended before BD...although I believe he continued to pursue for a time after that.  2nd OW (another long distance "relationship" - high school girlfriend) began and ended in 3 to 4 months.  3rd OW (current???) - I'm not sure...but he continues to live with his parents and live the life of a young, unattached, bachelor.......

He has shown Overt signs of depression.  Crying in front of the kids....seeing a counselor - acknowledging that he is confused.....and referring to himself as "damaged goods."

He left the house 2.5 months after BD (August, 2010) - but, it he had already "decided" to divorce me in March of 2010.  He finally filed in October 2011....but has not made any progress in finalizing to date. 

Not very much High Energy activity - that anyone can really see....(besides running up debt). 

The crisis may take longer?  Great!  I do get the feeling like he isn't moving forward anytime soon (but what do I know?)

Yes.  I have many times questioned whether it was MLC (as opposed to a Walk Away Spouse).....I guess the treatment (ignoring) of our kids is one of the biggest confirmations of MLC for me.  Even if he was merely a Walk Away Spouse - I believe that he would have maintained contact and relationships with the kids.........as he left me - not them (his words...and more of the MLC script).

Limitless