[Is your MLCer High or Low Energy]

Is your MLCer High or Low Energy

High Energy

18 (39.1%)

Low Energy

17 (37%)

I don't know, he seems kind of in-between

11 (23.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

Voting closed: June 27, 2011, 01:28:35 PM

[OldPilot]

I think your answer lies in the difference between Overt and Covert Depression.

Covert depression is hidden and I would guess has more higher energy type replay behaviors.
Overt depression is more obvious and so the person withdraws into a shell and does not have enough energy to do almost anything.

I think chemically the person with Covert depression is living on adrenalin.
And eventually the adrenalin stops pumping and thus a big fall into Overt depression.
Also the adrenalin drains the body's resources and other parts start to wear out quicker.
Like if you always had your foot to the floor on the accelarator driving your car.
Evenually you have to stop for gas. 

That would be a simple view of it from me.


Hope it helps.

[Albatross]

So far I know almost all MLCers steal self from us emotionally. In fact they probably have only primitive emotions "proto emotions" like fear and anger when they are deep in depression.
About wallowers, they have so low self esteem, co-dependence  that they haven't courage eve in such emergency state to leave.
Natural state for my MLcer is low energy wallower, she make decision on her blog that she leaving, since she publish it pass 2 months, nothing happen except she ban me in bed. When I push her, she react. Then I find her EA and push her even harder, she wanna leave, but never did, never even make any preparations. ("Don't make me to I must leave").
Then monster in her arise and narcissism. So, she still remain low energy MLCer because have no guts to leave because own antics. It took several months that she back in much normal state.
Also I am keen that MLCers with stronger ego are low energy MLCers. Means they still have some power in ego to diminish monster in self.
In this days I find mixed ethics in her, much more old person then monster.
About contact type, she never left home, that does not means that she is not vanisher or boomerang. I will rather say about pursuing and distance. How she trawler trough tunnel our relationship dynamics change in time. So, she somehow pursue me because she obviously feel so low and I am everyday stronger and stronger.

[superdog]

I have a struggle with the definitions of the difference between wallower and clinging boomerang also.

My h has been a major wallower from about a year or so after bd. lots of overt depression, took 3 years to muster the energy and courage to move out. 6 weeks after moving out he came and told me he wanted to come home. I said no. So he came here almost all the time instead, still wallowing when here.

My h withdrew emotionally from all of us, yet remains attached through his dependence on me.

He has has moments of high energy that didn't last long. Straight after them he would crash to low energy again.

Has continued to say he loves me, although not recently. But then he can barely talk right now as it is.

The whole pity party article from RCR sums him up, yet he is not a wallower through his attachment to me.

Monster was evident in the beginning and here and there since, but he always curtails it when he knows he has gone too far and sees me disappearing. He will always follow monster up with a gesture to " get back in" with me.

So where would he fit then?

Sd
X

[BB64]

I think your answer lies in the difference between Overt and Covert Depression.

Covert depression is hidden and I would guess has more higher energy type replay behaviors.
Overt depression is more obvious and so the person withdraws into a shell and does not have enough energy to do almost anything.

I think chemically the person with Covert depression is living on adrenalin.
And eventually the adrenalin stops pumping and thus a big fall into Overt depression.
Also the adrenalin drains the body's resources and other parts start to wear out quicker.
Like if you always had your foot to the floor on the accelarator driving your car.
Evenually you have to stop for gas. 

That would be a simple view of it from me.


Hope it helps.

That, OP...was genius! 

[Slow Fade]

My H is definitely a Wallower with shades of Clinging! He won't tell me he loves me with words, but he comes around and finds excuses to contact a lot. He also never went public with ow and hides his adultery from his family to this day.......

Even his Monster is low energy. Its more passive-aggressive teenage behavior than anything else. I don't know if its because of S10 or not. Perhaps he would have been a vanisher if not for our son. Who knows?

[illinifan]

I see a lot of low energy wallower in my wife.  She has withdrawn emotionally from me but not from the kids.  There is minimal monster.  She has said a few times she is done yet does nothing in terms of moving forward in separating. She is definitely low energy as she has no real motivation to do much of anything right now.  She will have bursts of energy where she will go running for several days, then nothing.  The timing of this article couldn't be more perfect as it opens my eyes to what I am dealing with everyday. 

[brokenhearted]

My high energy replayer: 1st BD...not happy, done, never coming back.
 
 2nd BD, had not answered any of my calls, I was worried about what I thought was his depression, his heart trouble, his father in nursing home with traumatic brain injury. When I could not get hold of him I thought something had happened to him or his father.

 3:30 a.m. returns my call to tell me he is on a date???!!!  Shows up shortly after, in almost a manic high, tells me how great he feels, how great this person is and how great the date was and that I should try it??!!  I am in shock, talk to 6:00 a.m. to this crazy person I don't even recognize. Ends with him telling me he is not going to see her anymore, not worth the trouble.

Next evening I find out he has taken her to dinner, told her it was up to her. Well she thought they should go for it!! Even though he supposedly told her I was still home waiting for him to come to his senses.

So within 4 months of BD 1, he has met his soul-mate, and they have, based on her decision, decided to "go for it." They are in love.

I will give the short version of the rest, within months of meeting her, flies his new soul-mate to Paris, to propose on their very first Valentines Day together. Months later they married.

That is what high energy looks like. Whew, I am exhausted just writing about it! LOL

[Albatross]

Like RCR wrote in article my W is perfectionist, so very picky about potential lover. So, for her is natural state to be wallower. She was so picky when she was girl and so many guys available. Now her choice is very narrowed in free man group and she do not hesitate to pick married man, both of them are. That is so in opposite with her morality ! Also alienators have to meet some "pathology" be involved with marred woman and both obviously meet that. What a odds for that, small. Does any future in that, I don't think so. I am sure that she aware that to, point is when she will accept that ? Or she does not seek for true relationship.
She is Antihero, after my EA discovery and clashes she become more Accommodater. She thinks that she is so specific and full of anger that is better for her living alone.

From antihero page: "He believes his wife will be safer and better off without him, or if he regresses into projection and denial, he will believe his wife is the cause of his explosions and though he believes she will be safer when he is gone, he also believes it is entirely her fault. She made him angry or failed to make him happy and thus they are incompatible. It simply was not meant to be; he will try to make it work with someone else."

So, my wife is more Antihero and less Accommodater. Also more low energy wallower then high energy replayer.

[Albatross]

I think your answer lies in the difference between Overt and Covert Depression.

Covert depression is hidden and I would guess has more higher energy type replay behaviors.
Overt depression is more obvious and so the person withdraws into a shell and does not have enough energy to do almost anything.

I think chemically the person with Covert depression is living on adrenalin.
And eventually the adrenalin stops pumping and thus a big fall into Overt depression.
Also the adrenalin drains the body's resources and other parts start to wear out quicker.
Like if you always had your foot to the floor on the accelarator driving your car.
Evenually you have to stop for gas. 

That would be a simple view of it from me.


Hope it helps.

I believe so, but depend also up to MLCer getting in. If he cannot find his rush then he do not press pedal to the metal as You tell so. Depend of how strong ego he have and how picky he is. Eventually he will be tired of pressing that pedal. Anyway I am keen that they are addicts.

[panda]

From antihero page: "He believes his wife will be safer and better off without him, or if he regresses into projection and denial, he will believe his wife is the cause of his explosions and though he believes she will be safer when he is gone, he also believes it is entirely her fault. She made him angry or failed to make him happy and thus they are incompatible. It simply was not meant to be; he will try to make it work with someone else."

My H is an antihero, was a perfectionist.  Tidy.  Horrific monster, emotionally withdrawn for 2 years +.  Wallowers, I read, tend to have emotional bond with OW.  This is my H (I think), but the monster and high energy replay my H displays does not fit wallower.  I am unsure of his energy/contact type.